A Spiritual Moment for me

sunflwrs4evr
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 7:52:06 GMT -8

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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 14, 2011 7:52:06 GMT -8

hello everyone...i went to wildwood for a fews days...and i missed everyone so much....i had no computer....it actually felt awesome to enjoy the beautiful ocean view every morning noon and nite...i would wake up and say i want to see if the ocean is still there lol...a girlfriend of mine owes the condo...it was awesome....it gave me time to think and enjoy everything....the woman i stayed with has lots of problems with her addictions....i felt very powerless and i did make a call and reached out we even had a people by the pool side..and i expressed my powerlessness....keep your prayers for her....she is into the food again...and i dont think she cares right now....
i was to be with my bf over those days and he decided that his priority was to not worry about our plans and drive 2 hrs to go back home...because he felt he wouldnt get over the bridge due to floating....and really wasnt working it out with me...and i am tired of it....and when he left on friday...i was done with him.....i told him last night...that ....its always u or i its not we.....at times...and this isnt working...and lets just go our seperate ways and see if we can be friends....he has pretty much has shut everyone out of his life...he says he is the blacksheep of the family..which isnt any of my business...he asked me to call him when i got home from the shore....and he left me several messages and i didnt call him back...until i got home and he sent me an obituary of his fathers passing and proceeded to tell me that was the bad feeling he was getting and that is why he left....and i told him...okay but i am no a priority and that is not what i want....so i said goodbye and we hung up.....
I have been talking with someone on the computer since the end of august just as friends....he is very nice...he came to wild wood on monday...and we spent the day together and he left....he is very postivie and happy....and it seems we get along....so far so good...i have set my boundaries up....and will continue with them when i need to....i know its alittle soon...i feel like he listens to me...he respects me...he has his daughters in his life....he is smart...he lives about 30 minutes from me....what scares me alot...is he isnt really the type of guy i would fall for....he isnt the rough hard guy...well... that has me begging for attention....this guy...pays attention to me....alottttttttt....tells me i am beautiful and wonderful....he is a sweet...nice caring man....just looking at him u can see it....and hear it...and he shows it....we are only doing this one day at time...i will keep posting....he does show alot of clingyness....i will set up more boundaries as we go....he is taking me out....he is spending time with me...and i have never experienced this in a relationship...it was always..the kissing and sex and then always the same...i dont want that anymore...i am excited....thanks for listening....right now i am feeling that God put this nice man in my life...so i can finally say goodbye....to the end of my old dysfunctional cycle of unavailable man...what do u think....i thank my hp....and i am so grateful....Sun

recovery is awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee thanks everyone....i love ya all...

))))))))))

LovelyJune Elder Member You teach people how to treat you. Posts: 6,660	A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 10:44:05 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by LovelyJune on Sept 14, 2011 10:44:05 GMT -8 Congrats! And WHOA NELLY. How long have you known this guy in person? It takes a good three months, if not more, before you know if someone is "nice," "good" "wonderful" Be HAPPY. But take your time!!!!
	Girl Rebuilt www.girlrebuilt.com “I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky. ”- Sharon Olds

smbeets Guest	A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 10:46:58 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by smbeets on Sept 14, 2011 10:46:58 GMT -8 Go slow, run it by your sponsor. Look at this relationship in line with steps.

Bo
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 12:56:19 GMT -8

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Post by Bo on Sept 14, 2011 12:56:19 GMT -8

Sun, I too am happy that you are feeling some joy after your grief and like the others, I read you post and think WOAH...and would like to turn on the yellow caution light for you, since you cannot see it.

Caution, Caution, Caution with these men in your life. Keep reading, pray and meditate and watch out for what need in you is being fed.

Good luck with your new friend, go slooooow.

happyberry
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Posts: 490

A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 13:30:45 GMT -8 RoseNadler likes this

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Post by happyberry on Sept 14, 2011 13:30:45 GMT -8

since you asked for feedback...I see ultra mega red flags here.
do you have a dating plan and a sponsor?

I realized this for me. When I felt like I was having a "spiritual" moment with someone I did not know that well (ie just getting to know, not my husband) I was really just in full blown addict mode and high.

Maybe different for you but this was clear as day on my 4th steps.

Last Edit: Sept 14, 2011 13:31:52 GMT -8 by happyberry

Jacarandagirl
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Posts: 2,322

A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 13:46:24 GMT -8

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Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 14, 2011 13:46:24 GMT -8

Hi Sun, I'm glad to hear you are having a wonderful time because you deserve it. How good to be feeling valued and loved. I also agree that you sound quite high on this guy's attention. It's not wrong, it's just important to know it's happening and not move too fast into sleeping with him. Because that's the old codependent pattern.

Watch your boundaries like a hawk and watch for when you let your value system go by the wayside in favour of his. If he is a nice caring man he will be happy to take things at your pace without pressuring you for anything.

"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com

sunflwrs4evr
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 20:52:03 GMT -8

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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 14, 2011 20:52:03 GMT -8

hello and thanks everyone for your support....I am going the slowest that i have ever gone...i did ask someone to sponsor me in person....and i think she will...she is the lady that i stayed at her condo with.....after we went out for lunch on monday...my friend D...insisted on meeting him....and she actually like him alot...and then after finding out he loves dr phil.....she really likes him...I promise I am not even interested in going to bed with him...let alone have sex with him.......that is a first for me....he is really down to earth and very easy to talk with....we are going out to dinner tomorrow...

I will say that i spoke to my xbf about an estimate i got for him ...when he hit a rock on my cars bumper....and we talked alittle bit on the phone...and i know that has to stop asap....because i went back into the emotions with him....so why does it seem so hurtful and so unavailable to me...because it is....i truly feel that this is the end for me with him....because i can actuallly see it and feel it and know its not good for me.....i will only email him after my second estimate...the first was alittle high....or maybe i wont get one....i will put it out to my hp and then i will let u know.....Again i promise to keep the boundaries up and i will make sure it happens...and when he doesnt...then we dont see each other....he is really very sweet and alittle nerdy....he is kind...always says i am beautiful...i love it...
HP i think what i meant about the spiritual moment was from going from the dysfuntional relationship into one that is very giving and positive.....what makes that spiritual is....the old bf really didnt want to do many things other than in the bedroom and shopping and cooking....and this man is asking me to go to the phillies game this weekend....dinner tommorrow and saturday a stroll in the park....we have been skyping at nite to chat and talk to each other....

i promise to go slower than slower ...i am not in a hurry...i feel like there is no need to go to bed with him at this point...because first of all i dont know him....second of all....he is giving me everything i need want and deserve...with just his time and attention and his positive words....and respect and open and honest communication...
smbeets not sure about what u mean by this "Look at this relationship in line with steps". I am working on step 5...and waiting patiently to find someone i can give it too....
yes lj...the reins are on tight....i am slowing down talked with B tonight and he respects what i have said...and he will have patience and wait for me.....and when we are ready.......Sun

veronica
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 14, 2011 22:05:03 GMT -8

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Post by veronica on Sept 14, 2011 22:05:03 GMT -8

News of a breakup, a new romance and a high. In the same post. Sun I don't know you, do you have a sponsor? Do you know what you did in your just broken up romance that fostered it? Blaming and running will only take us home to us in circles with an endless stream of promises/partners.

LovelyJune
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 15, 2011 4:07:19 GMT -8 RoseNadler likes this

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Post by LovelyJune on Sept 15, 2011 4:07:19 GMT -8

Just for clarification "going slower" doesn't only mean waiting before having sex. It also means being SKEPTICAL, and not believing you've found someone "wonderful" until plenty of face to face time has passed where you can see it in his actions. It means NOT TRUSTING, and putting up your guard for a long while. It means healing the wounds that the previous guy left. And it means being emotionally economical with your feelings for this new guy. Granted these behaviors sound overprotective, but LAs need to overprotect when they begin to date again.

Girl Rebuilt www.girlrebuilt.com

“I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky. ”- Sharon Olds

sunflwrs4evr
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A Spiritual Moment for me Sept 15, 2011 17:28:54 GMT -8

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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 15, 2011 17:28:54 GMT -8

veronica...i re read my post and for some reason...some of what i typed got messed up alittle.....when i wrote about the first being alittle high....i was talking about the car estimate.....not sure what u are asking me....So how am i blaming and running?

lj i agree with u and being skepticla....i have no idea if he is wonderful or not....i dont know this man...i did said he was nice, caring and nerdy....and thanks so much...yes we do need the overprotectiveness....thanks so much eveyone....

Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 14, 2011 7:52:06 GMT -8

Post by LovelyJune on Sept 14, 2011 10:44:05 GMT -8

Post by smbeets on Sept 14, 2011 10:46:58 GMT -8

Post by Bo on Sept 14, 2011 12:56:19 GMT -8

Post by happyberry on Sept 14, 2011 13:30:45 GMT -8

Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 14, 2011 13:46:24 GMT -8

Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 14, 2011 20:52:03 GMT -8

Post by veronica on Sept 14, 2011 22:05:03 GMT -8

Post by LovelyJune on Sept 15, 2011 4:07:19 GMT -8

Post by sunflwrs4evr on Sept 15, 2011 17:28:54 GMT -8