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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 30, 2010 4:17:56 GMT -8
Not to get too psycho-babbly on everyone but I just came across some rather new definitions of personality disorder from the DSM-5, due out in 2013. I was shocked. We are constantly warned of Narcissistic Personality Disorder etc. but the truth is, Love addiction (compounded with BPD for some of us) is a PERSONALITY DISORDER! Impaired sense of self-identity? (yup) Low self-directedness (e.g., unable to set and attain satisfying and rewarding personal goals; lacks direction, meaning, and purpose to life) ? (yup) Failure to develop effective interpersonal functioning as manifested by one or more of the following: (yup) i. Empathy. Impaired empathic and reflective capacity (e.g., finds it difficult to understand the mental states of others)? ii. Intimacy. Impaired capacity for close relationships (e.g., unable to establish or maintain closeness and intimacy; inability to function as an effective attachment figure; inability to establish and maintain friendships)? (yup!) iii. Cooperativeness. Failure to develop the capacity for prosocial behavior (e.g., failure to develop the capacity for socially typical moral behavior; absence of altruism)? (yup...who hasn't neglected their family and friends to chase after a PoA???) iv. Complexity and integration of representations of others. Poorly integrated representations of others (e.g., forms separate and poorly related images of significant others) ? (yup! We think our PoAs are Gods!) Ugg... And the other news: The DSM-5 is getting rid of Narcissistic Personality Disorder! Article here: well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/11/29/narcissism-no-longer-a-psychiatric-disorder/?partner=rss&emc=rss This isn't so shocking. Narcissists never think there’s anything wrong with them! To me, this is proof positive that I did the right thing and work on me and me only , and not worry about what crazy disorders my PoA might have had. Who cares why he is the way he is or what he's up to! We all have enough to deal with within ourselves. |
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Post by sillypoppet on Dec 1, 2010 19:59:25 GMT -8
Telmita,
I have never been a very big fan of the DSM, in particular because labeling can have a negative impact. For example, according to the DSM 30+ years ago, homosexuality was considered a disorder. What a load of baloney! Now, I'm not saying that our behaviors in relationships are healthy- they most definitely are not. However, my point is that the DSM is constantly evolving- it has been wrong in the past, and it most certainly will be wrong in the future. People aren't perfect.
'm currently in a masters program for psychology, and have started to re-think the way the DSM diagnoses. As a couple of my professors have pointed out, labeling people with "disorders" often has a negative impact. In particular, love addicts already have low self esteem. Slapping them with a "personality disorder" is just reaffirming that yes, there is something horribly wrong with them. It p***es me off to no end that they would even use such a label!
In therapy, one thing I have noticed is the overuse of "love addict" in explaining every single action and mistake. Am I codependent? Yes. Will I always be codependent? No, not if I choose. Overcoming codependency is MY choice and the ability lies within ME. There is nothing innately wrong with me, or anyone else here. On the other hand, the way in which we view the world needs to change...
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 2, 2010 4:19:00 GMT -8
Silly-- Very good point! I can't argue with. I have always believed it was senseless to label and tell others they have a disorder, or as we say here, a disease. There are many, also, who believe that the disease of love addiction has no cure. Baloney! I believe there is a cure for some, or better yet...for most! I also think you are right when you say that love addiction is possibly over-used. And yet, I once believed that my own issues of LA were limited to the relationships in my life with men. I was so wrong. I was also so out of touch with the fact that I was an addict. How could I be an addict. My father was an addict. He was addicted to something tangible (alcohol, drugs, gambling etc.). So...the reason I posted this was to add food for thought. A direction for change and recovery. Not to label anyone. When I first heard the label "love addict" it kinda disgusted me. And yet, it gave me a starting point for healing and recovery. Had I never identified with this "disease" or whatever you want to call it, I may not be where I am today.
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Post by freedman on Dec 2, 2010 6:47:08 GMT -8
For me, all I know is that my alcoholism would have killed me and my codpendency and love addiction nearly did. I was in so much pain and so desperate that I got on my knees and asked God to help me. I was lead to coda meetings and this board and a lot of very helpful recovery material and people with some exerience with this. I'm really not into technicalities, but I do have a lot more compassion and understanding today for myself and others. This is a journey and a process and anyone who wants to heal can. There is a lot of hope in this program. My HP and the 12 steps saved my life and I am really grateful to have my life back and to really enjoy my work and have some healthy friendships and a really beautful relationship with a loving and caring HP. I can also handle situations that used to baffle me. Anyone who is suffering,read the promises and try the steps and read recovery material and share your experience.I am a different person today. My spiritual condition has a lot to do with it and asking my HP for guidance daily, really helps.
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Phoenix
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
All pain that is not transformed is transmitted.
Posts: 234
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Post by Phoenix on Dec 2, 2010 13:22:32 GMT -8
Thanks Silly.
When I read that accepting the fact that I'm a LA also meant according to some I also have a personality disorder did kinda kick my low self esteem into gear. I struggle so much with that. Even though I totally understand the spirit in which this information was shared the truth is the last thing I need right now is another label.
I have spoken with my therapist, who is also a founding member and formerly on the board of directors of SASH (Society for advancement of sexual health) about the personality disorder label when I first came to him and he rejected that label on the same grounds you did, the fact that the DSM at one time listed homosexuality. I am truly blessed to find a therapist who understands addictions and understands my self esteem issues and refuses to be a slave to the DSM.
Plus reading the description posted, the only point that rings true to me now or even before my recovery is the integration of representations of others... I was very blind to who my POA really was so I could keep getting my fix...but eventually I did have to accept the truth. But it does say you only need ONE of those traits to qualify.
I came across this description of a personality disorder:
"Personality is a combination of lasting emotional and behavioral traits. Usually a person's personality is established by the end of adolescence, and persists throughout adult life. People with personality disorders—an estimated 9% to 10% of the population—have extremely rigid behavioral patterns. Their rigid behavior impairs their ability to function or get along with others, and causes them emotional distress. People with personality disorders are said to regard their behavior as being right and normal despite distressing feedback from others. People with a personality disorder often believe that other people are responsible for their problems."
I definitely do not consider my LA behavior as normal & the changes I have brought about through therapy and hard work are proof I am neither rigid nor do I blame others. (Not that I've been thinking about this much!)
Perhaps labels have some heuristic value, but to me the point is to recognize self defeating patterns of behavior and implement POSITIVE CHANGE. The definition of a personality disorder includes LASTING traits, so I wonder if we are not acting out our LA would we still qualify as having a personality disorder?
Sheesh...I think I'll skip taking on this label.
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Post by lotus on Dec 2, 2010 19:52:32 GMT -8
I don't think this is a description of a love addict, although I think some love addicts may have this personality disorder. This seems like a very broad personality disorder that results when a young child isn't properly bonded to a caregiver and raised in a way that doesn't foster the development of empathy. Love addiction would just be a possible symptom of this personality disorder to me. Narcissism would be another.
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Post by sillypoppet on Dec 2, 2010 22:14:56 GMT -8
I agree... having some sort of 12 step program really helps the healing process. I was more so irritated with the folks working on the DSM, not anyone on here ;-) Even the word "addict" has a terrible social stigma associated with it. I'm even wondering if the definition of personality disorder really aptley describes anyone... perhaps I have to come across someone who is an extreme case to agree with that statement. Using the word personality disorder kind of implies that you can't cure it. After all, once your personality is set, it is incredibly rare that it will change (unless serious brain injury or trauma occurs). Folks who have codependency issues have the ability to overcome it. Just look at all the people who have been able to find happiness... Pia Melody, Melody Beattie, Susan etc etc.
Furthermore, for those who do have "personality disorders" (some of which are currently considered incurable), who is to say we won't have a solution 50 years down the road? Is it a problem with the personality, or is it something else...
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 5, 2010 5:06:45 GMT -8
I have always believed that LA was 90% learned. That means it can be unlearned!
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Post by soulseeker on Dec 5, 2010 9:52:45 GMT -8
Super thread
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madhu
New Member
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Post by madhu on Dec 5, 2010 13:23:29 GMT -8
I am new to the board and am so happy to see this subject discussed. I am a therapist and have been working on my own codependency and love addiction/avoidance issues. The last 90 days I have been thrust into a new level of pain and breakthrough due to withdrawal from my POA. In the process of feeling this pain I have thought "Oh my God, I have personality disorder - I am Borderline and Narcissistic". Perhaps I am not as Borderline and Narcissistic as the diagnosis requires. It is a nasty label!
I agree and disagree with the labeling - I have to diagnose other with the DSM IV to get paid. That is basically what it is. However, that being said, for people with Borderline the skills of DBT do work well and people what to know what is wrong with them. I want to know what is wrong with me to and when I see myself "acting like a love addict" with every trait it is disappointing at best. It would be better to look at this as: pathways for treatment. I never would have recovered from alcoholism without admitting I was an alcoholic.
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