Post by LovelyJune on Sept 17, 2010 4:18:57 GMT -8
Hey folks,
It's baaaaaaaaack!
I have noticed in me a slow and steady desire to avoid tasks, responsibilities and basically the wonderful organization with which I have run my life for the past two years. I am starting to feel as though I have no control over my life again and it is making me turn to some of my old defense mechanisms such as avoidance, fantasy and ignoring things I should be focusing on like my writing and my job. When I start to avoid, things get more out of my control and then things become a spiraling out-of-control mess. I'm sure I am being harsh on myself, but that's the other problem that's creeping back in...negative self talk (I'm no good, what am I doing with my life, I'm a fraud, I am doing it all wrong, etc.). The negative self-talk then leads to anger. Anger for everyone else who is capable of managing his or her life.
One of the biggest "distractions" or ways in which I avoid my responsibilities is by fooling around on Facebook all day or Twitter, or posting here. So, that being said, I need to take a break for awhile (as I have done in the past). I know how to recognize my avoidant behavior but sometimes it's hard to stop the addictive/obsessive nature of checking social networking sites. That's how my LA comes out now. At first it was a "safe" distraction. Far better than using men to avoid myself or drinking or smoking. But ANYTHING in excess is bad news....so....wish me luck. I'm going to try and avoid all social networking sites for one week and see what happens.
My health is always the most important thing to me. If I fall apart, I can't take care of my children, be a good lover, a good friend or offer any good advice. It's time to re-center and re-new my vows of recovery.
All this reminds me that recovery is not a place it's a process. Three steps forward, one step back....
It's baaaaaaaaack!
I have noticed in me a slow and steady desire to avoid tasks, responsibilities and basically the wonderful organization with which I have run my life for the past two years. I am starting to feel as though I have no control over my life again and it is making me turn to some of my old defense mechanisms such as avoidance, fantasy and ignoring things I should be focusing on like my writing and my job. When I start to avoid, things get more out of my control and then things become a spiraling out-of-control mess. I'm sure I am being harsh on myself, but that's the other problem that's creeping back in...negative self talk (I'm no good, what am I doing with my life, I'm a fraud, I am doing it all wrong, etc.). The negative self-talk then leads to anger. Anger for everyone else who is capable of managing his or her life.
One of the biggest "distractions" or ways in which I avoid my responsibilities is by fooling around on Facebook all day or Twitter, or posting here. So, that being said, I need to take a break for awhile (as I have done in the past). I know how to recognize my avoidant behavior but sometimes it's hard to stop the addictive/obsessive nature of checking social networking sites. That's how my LA comes out now. At first it was a "safe" distraction. Far better than using men to avoid myself or drinking or smoking. But ANYTHING in excess is bad news....so....wish me luck. I'm going to try and avoid all social networking sites for one week and see what happens.
My health is always the most important thing to me. If I fall apart, I can't take care of my children, be a good lover, a good friend or offer any good advice. It's time to re-center and re-new my vows of recovery.
All this reminds me that recovery is not a place it's a process. Three steps forward, one step back....
