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Post by LovelyJune on May 24, 2010 12:09:08 GMT -8
Is it just my imagination or are more people identifying with their addiction rather than their recovery? This forum is dead. Tumbleweeds! I know there are many out there who are working a recovery plan...talk...post...gather!
T
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Post by geedee on May 24, 2010 12:56:06 GMT -8
Think it's your imagination Telmita. Lots of us talk about our recovery. But we are recovering from addiction so the two do go hand in hand....
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Post by mybestme on May 24, 2010 18:08:45 GMT -8
Hey Telmita...
I think you are on to something here. It's really important to remember what we all want - freedom from this addiction, progress and a healthy life with healthy people in it.
For some the process takes longer than others. I am often impressed by those who have come here..."gotten it", figured out what to do about it and moved on. It is those people who are truly recovering that often times seem to disappear.
I have been back and forth. My POA continues to ping me about every six weeks. Each time it gets easier to deal with, but it is irritating at times (after the quick jolt of joy goes away). I had recently found a good amount of solice by not cyberstalking and then of course, he called and left a message -- very rare for him.
Anyway, within the following few days (over the weekend) my husband drank as usual. We both know the marriage is over, as discussed but it's still hard living day to day together until things unravel. And, I am still devastated at the realization that alcohol has stolen my life, my husband from me.
With all the chaos, I made the mistake of cyberstalking again. Only this time it was not a mistake. Turns out his GF had friends in town and she was busy entertaining. He only called me because he knew he'd be bored and was on his own. And I though, AHHHHHH....how much more clarity is it going to take to seriously not care a d**n when he pings.
Well, I've turned a corner now. There is no chance of me contacting him or of ever responding to him in any way shape or form (including cyberstalking).
This process has been slow (seven months) for me but I think about where I was and where I am now and what I now know. I wouldn't trade it. I got through a semester of school and found true joy again in the little things in life. There is no way, I will allow my POA to take that away. And despite the difficulties of going through a divorce, I'm hopeful for happiness in the future. And now, if and when I'm ready to date I will be educated on what an assclown looks like. LOL
My best.
MBM
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Post by miztex on May 24, 2010 18:57:06 GMT -8
Telmita,
I am recovering and trying to talk about it. But for me, the best thing at the moment is to read other newbies' stuff and respond. If I help others, then I don't focus on wallowing in my pity pot. I rejoice instead in my recovery.
My latest feeling seems to be one of amazement. I kept looking back to try to find the start of the POA thing. But no matter how far back I went, I discovered there was more before that. It truly goes back to my pre-school years and my parents. So clear to me now. But I am still mourning the loss of the fantasy. Not the POA; the fantasy of perfect love. I have the best H in the world, but I STILL want MORE. Can he give it to me? No. I have to come to terms with my neediness or I will end up like my mom. She is sitting in a retirement home, three H's buried, body in ruins, and so needy that she calls 9-11 when she is lonely just so she can have some drama. I want to yell "Stop it. You control your own moods and life. You can pick up a book, take a class, go outside, go to a restaurant, rent a movie, do SOMETHING. Don't just moan and complain. "
God. If I end up like her, somebody come kick my rear end good and hard and read this to me.
miztex
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Post by Light on May 24, 2010 20:29:38 GMT -8
Telmita, I don't think this forum is dead. The board is very lively in this moment, there's a good energy and mutual help, cohesion and dialogue among the members. Look for example at the "how are you feeling today" forum. Could you give examples of "identifying with their addiction" ?
best,
Light
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Phoenix
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
All pain that is not transformed is transmitted.
Posts: 234
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Post by Phoenix on May 24, 2010 21:34:03 GMT -8
Hi T.~ I have read many of your posts and they have helped me enormously.
Your question today, def something to be mindful of. From the perspective of a LA who has only known what the heck is going on for about 6 days, I have to plead guilty as charged. But when a person's arm is broken, they need a cast...for awhile anyway. eventually it comes off when the break is healed. I guess that time varies with the severity of the injury and the coping mechanisms we have at our disposal and how we work them.
Also, for me, I have been questioning who am I without my LA acting out...posting here and reading here...well, it helps me to build a new identity...I am Phoenix, a person who is dedicated to educating herself and gathering the strength she needs to heal and move on. I'm sure one day I will feel the need to move on, hopefully not before I have repaid the kindness, guidance & acceptance I have received here.
The posts from everyone, the reading lists, the acceptance & maybe a bit of whining (not too much) but hopefully not IDENTIFYING with my addiction any more than is necessary to admit what I am...I need it all and Iwant to give back as much as I am able at this early stage of recovery.
Perhaps you feel this way becasue of the progress you have made and that is wonderful! I have a feeling that there is a HUGE need out there for this information and more and more LA's like me will show up with similar breaks...
I can see how hearing this over and over can be a drag to those who are moving past the stage so many of us are at currently. And let's face it, many people will come here & fail...slip right back into old habits or just get stuck. Truth is, it is difficult to change and it hurts. I guess it's a fine balance, finding the middle road like so many things in life.
I don't know if anyone is already doing or have done this on the board, but I personally would love to see someone read from the BB and we can discuss as Trout did in a post this evening. I have no LA meetings within 4-5 hours drive and I am hungry for this kind of knowledge. i am considering attending AA meetings and taking what i need. Does anyonehave an opiniononthat idea?
Great question tho'...and something to be aware of. Phoenix
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Post by LovelyJune on May 25, 2010 11:51:10 GMT -8
Recovery is never a drag, Phoenix. Always changing. But I think people get stuck obsessing over the wrong thing.
Light, when I say that people identify more with their addictions than the idea of being in recovery, what I mean is that people will talk about having a disease, or obsessing, or being out of control, MORESO than they will talk about themselves as "trying to get healthy," or "changing in a positive way."
I understand that everyone must learn to crawl before they walk. And I recognize that everyone has his or her own path to recovery. But I guess I just see more people in the HELP section or the "Obsessed Love" section or the "Ambivalent Love Addict" section rather than the "Recovery" section.
MBM- you say the process is slow (7months). I think you are being hard on yourself. It took me (despite my whole life of denial) THREE YEARS once I realized I NEEDED TO CHANGE AND GET BETTER.
So, please don't think this post was me trying to rush anyone's progress. All in due time. It's just that the goal of complete recovery is out there if we seek it and accept it in our lives.
T
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Post by primrose on May 25, 2010 12:54:37 GMT -8
Perhaps there are two seperate issues at play here.
1. This forum is quiet. 2. T, you think that people may be identifying with their addiction rather than their recovery.
I think this forum is quiet too, but then so is Venting. Hasn't had a post in a very long time. Newcomers seems to be where people post, and also How Are You Feeling. I don't think this forum being quiet means people aren't recovering, but it is lovely when people post here.
As to whether people are identifying more with their addictions, well everyone sees things their own way. I don't see what you see, but then I'm a step sponsor so I see first hand that there's a lot of work that gets done here. Inevitably the hardest work is private as no one (quite rightly) wants to share their step 4. But I am honoured to witness how deeply people here are willing to work and I know how hard won their recovery is. P.
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vee25
Full Member
Posts: 247
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Post by vee25 on May 27, 2010 0:38:18 GMT -8
I used to post here a lot and then saw that others were not so it has died down a bit. I would actually be willing to share my step 4 work and used to look to see if others were when i first started it but didn't find much.
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