Post by Susan Peabody on Feb 6, 2013 14:04:15 GMT -8
This triggered a physical pain so strong it scared me so badly i was curled up in a ball praying and crying help help it hurts
I so identify with this . . .
I used to curl up in a ball and cry, sob, get hysterical and . . . cut
I got into AA.
They talked about prayer something I knew nothing about
The next time I got in the prenatal position under the covers, I covered my tears with a prayer that I had heard at meetings. I said it 35 times and then something happened. Relief. It was my first miracle in recovery.
God I love that quote!!! Its so true! My thoughts are so distorted and wrong. I find the hardest part for me is not believing my thoughts. The voice inside my head when I obcess is my mother`s voice telling me it`s all me and the guy is the most wonderful man and if only I would act right I could live happily ever after with him. It`s so twisted and sick. I have a hard time telling myself I am not in reality. Thats the hardest thing to accept.
"happily ever after" is a fairy tale. It is not real. And you know that -- that is an excellent start !!
I have read numerous books, but one was particularly helpful in regards to relief from mistaken beliefs (offering a step-by-step method and very doable, practical exercises) and that helps to keep us in the here and now. I refer to the book daily, and practice the four-step approach (along with seeing my therapist and psychiatrist regularly, who both work intensely with me to help me shed my mistaken beliefs). It is called, "You Are Not Your Brain" and it is worth looking into -- Dr. Schwartz is a psychiatrist and well versed in matter of neuroscience. This book will not disappoint.
Post by Susan Peabody on Mar 3, 2013 11:22:27 GMT -8
I am not recommending Scientology, but I like the concept of a group helping purge the mind. I embrace the concept, not the organization. My sister had a bad experience there.
Dianetics divides the mind into three parts: the conscious "analytical mind," the subconscious "reactive mind", and the somatic mind. The goal of Dianetics is to remove the "reactive mind", which Scientologists believe prevents people from becoming more ethical, more aware, happier and saner. The Dianetics procedure to achieve this is called "auditing". Auditing is a process whereby a series of questions are asked by the Scientology auditor, in an attempt to rid the auditee of the painful experiences of the past which scientologists believe to be the cause of the "reactive mind." From Wikipedia.
Starve the obsession and feed the affirmations.
The other day, I flipped the channel on the t.v. and started watching the movie Oklahoma. It was my senior class play. High school was miserable and as I watched I starting getting sad, then depressed, then overwhelmed with feelings I could not even describe. I call this age regression. And as Richard Harris says in I'm ok; You're ok, I was not just remembering, I was there. As the moment ticked by I felt powerless. Then recovery kicked in and I turned tihe channel and watched something else.
Thank you all for sharing your experience and the step you've taken to overcome the addiction. I am 2 days NC with my POA. I have had several relapses, ph calls, texts, emails...all of them she ignored. I wish I would have found this site earlier so I could have started the healing process and not totally embarrassed myself further. There have been days when I didn't think I could make through the day or if I even wanted to try. I am ever so slowly getting better and this site has been a tramedous resourse and help. I will come every day until I feel I am in a better place. I have been in so much pain and depressed. This is new to me, I have always been a happy person until this relationship (affair). I am married which adds to the guilt, confusion and hurt. I'm trying to concentrate on my family and how forturnate I am to have them in my life. The thougt stopping treads are a huge helo. Thank you all so much!!
One of the absolute best books I have ever read (and believe me, I have read a lot!) in terms of getting one's thoughts under control is "You Are Not Your Brain" by Jeffrey Schwartz, M.D. It is brilliant and I refer to it daily.
John Sherman's 'looking at yourself' is a wonderful tool. It does away with the unhealthy personality/thought structures over time. You start to get sane! All the information, podcasts, videos and books are available free of charge on line , just google his name. And there is a community which can help in the process of recovery.
It looks interesting and I will watch this. Just reading the introduction he seems very similar to Eckhart Tolle. I watched his podcasts with Oprah on mindfullness and they were amazing. I think that was 2008. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is a great book on being in the moment.
Post by thekeytomyheart on Apr 22, 2013 6:40:42 GMT -8
This morning I caught myself having obsessive thoughts of J (PoA). Kind of like missing the good times (or addictive times) and then all of a sudden I came to my senses that these are not healthy to my recovery...so I came here to check if there is topic for obsessive thoughts...and I am sooooo grateful there is!! All your posts have spoken to me and are all very helpful!! I feel like I can totally get healed from this addiction called "love addiction" knowing I have co-sojourners to getting into a healthier life! Thank you Ms Peabody for starting this thread!! ~ thekeytomyheart
Post by fantasygirl on Aug 28, 2013 10:47:51 GMT -8
I'm in withdrawal at the moment..... One tactic I've used a lot over the last few days is to say the serenity prayer every time the obsession kicks in, Often I just say "God!" to start with and then finish the prayer. It helps
Post by outofcontrol on Nov 5, 2013 19:27:02 GMT -8
I've been in withdrawal for 6 weeks now. I can finally get out of bed, but I can't get him out of my mind. I don't talk to him or text him, but his family keeps in contact with me, and I Facebook stalk him. I look at pictures of us together. I don't want to cut off all of these things. I keep hoping that I will magically get well and that he will love me again. I am so sick. Every day is difficult. I think of what our future was supposed to be. And I can't accept that it won't be.
I care for my kiddos, pray, do yoga, work, and I have even gone on other dates. Well, I usually agree to a date then cancel it. But he is here. Everything reminds me of him. I feel him here. I can't let go.
Post by Loving My Life on Nov 20, 2013 7:23:03 GMT -8
outofcontrol, I am not sure why they were terrifying to you, can you explain a little more? All meetings are not the same, and you just have to find the ones that you are comfortable in. If we only go once, we don't even give ourselves a chance to get a feel for the meetings rooms. And it is a little overwhelming at first, but we are all there for the same reason. And just like anywhere we go in public we have to be cautious.
And yes this can be your meetings place as well.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
A fantastic book that addresses obsessive thinking and thought-stopping is "You Are Not Your Brain: The 4-Step Solution for Changing Bad Habits, Ending Unhealthy Thinking, and Taking Control of Your Life" by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D.
It is a very accessible, user-friendly book that is chock-full of great mental health exercises. It deals not just with thought-stopping, but with thought-replacing.
Though I've read it through-and-through, I refer to it often, like I would a text-book. I highly recommend it.
Hi everyone! I'm new here and 4 days NC with me POA. I shared my story on the newcomers thread with the title 'First-time User and Heart Broken', and I would really appreciate some feedback on that!
Thought-stopping is extremely hard for me, as I'm sure it is for everyone here. First of all, I try not to gang up on myself. When I start having racing thoughts of what "was" and what "could have been", I sometimes start yelling at myself to stop. But then THAT turns into obsessive thoughts of 'Oh my god, I'm never going to get better' and 'I can't stop this'. What helps is to say 'Hey, you're working on it. You wouldn't pick up an instrument and expect to play like a prodigy after a few days, weeks or even months. It takes a lot of practice, and re-training your brain is just like that." When my thoughts seem to be too much, I think of other activities that take a LONG time to master like say, running a marathon, being a master cook, playing the violin, getting in amazing physical shape- all of these things are more than possible (even when they seem impossible), It just takes a lot of time and practice. Just like re-training the way you think! Even if my obsessive thoughts protrude again, I tell myself 'good job! you spent 5 minutes thinking about running a marathon instead of your POA'. I've been told to start with small increments like 5 minutes of no obsessive thoughts, and eventually you will work your way up. Sometimes you have to start with seconds!
NC is really, really hard. Believe me, I know. But you need to do it. Think about it this way, if you have contact (even FB stalking/trying to go to the same bars they do) you are feeding the obsession. You may think you're just "giving yourself a little bit to hold you over", but in reality, you are giving your mind more to obsess about. This is very hard for me to accept, but I'm working on it too. I like to think "Starve the obsession, feed the affirmations." Tell yourself I CAN & I WILL whenever you start to doubt yourself. Repeat as many times as necessary.
The very BEST book I've ever read about having a disciplined thought life is "The Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyer. She is a Christian author and it is about how controlling our thoughts (or not) is a form of spiritual warfare. In the Bible the Book of Ephesions, Chapter 6 also has good things to say about this, as well. The biggest revelation I got was that I am the boss of what I think. Period. If I don't like it, I just have to think something different. This was a life-changing book for me.
I did my first thought stopping today. It was so strange for me to ACTUALLY BE AWARE of the fact that I was starting to obsess. It has been a normal daily occurrence for me my entire life to obsess. I found myself having to talk out loud on the freeway when I was driving to work, "there's a blue car, there's a black truck, the sky is cloudy, the trees are green" just to get my mind off my PoA.
From Susan . . . Thank you so much for sharing that this works. I advise this all the time and get little feedback. You are to be congratulated for walking the talk (taking action; doing the work). So many people get stuck between the information and the action. Bravo.
Here are a few others too: Distraction works.... replace it with the thought of God....Praying works...Thought stopping is an ACTIVE, REPETITIVE PLAN TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR."
Thought stopping:A few others: *don't know if you would agree....
Husband and I, live together still, so I am not in withdrawl how it should be...(no physical presence) though I practice verbal N.C. and detachment. I have my own room in the house.
Mild withdrawl: There are days when I have mild withdrawl. A thought comes into my mind to break N.C. and detachment. A thought of let's have a last talk. I stop my thought by telling myself *He is not worth it. No talks would change him* and I don't go out of the room to connect. I continue doing what I was doing.
Discomforting withdrawl:There are days when I really want to connect. I stop myself by repeating in my mind *all abusive words and events he did to me* The thought of connection changes to that of anger and disgust. Eventually all thoughts stop.
Severe withdrawl:There are days when I panic that it's getting over. He is going to be dead soon in my life. At this thought I want to connect very badly. I have to really stop my thought by repeating *hallelujah hallelujah* I am usually crying when I am repeating this. It helps. I go off to sleep...
"Let Life happen in ways that you have not imagined possible. Allow that which is beyond your imagination to happen to you."-Sadhguru