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Post by yourfriend4ever on Jun 7, 2017 4:39:02 GMT -8
I'm interested in this topic of thought-stopping, because I actually have obsessive-compulsive disorder. I don't use thought stopping or anything. I'm just interested. I need to use thought-stopping to stop thinking about a certain person. To not obsess about them. And about what they are going to do. Or not do. They aren't talking to me. I'm still in addiction. Not ready to let go of my POA. I'm trying not to communicate with them at the moment, but this is because I want them to want to communicate with me. They said something yesterday. In reply to something I said. I emailed and said, "I don't want to play games. Bye." And they emailed the next morning, and said, "Goodbye." It was yesterday morning they emailed. They got the reaction from me they should have expected. And may have been expecting. So, they should know I don't "want" to go, because I let them know. I sent several emails, and a few texts. A lot of my emails said the same exact thing because of my OCD. I think they wanted to get the reaction that they got from me. I think maybe they knew that I wouldn't like for them to say goodbye. I think they did know that. I guess they knew that. But I also think I shouldn't talk to them to give me some detachment from them. I mean, text or email them. Or send voice recordings in text. Because these are the only ways we talk now. Those are usually the only ways we talk. I've never met them in person. But I've known them for at least six years, I believe.
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Post by victoriab on Jan 7, 2018 17:52:35 GMT -8
I’m constantly thinking about the situation replaying the past in my head. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else because I’ve been doing it for so long. It’s now an addictive habit. I’m going through withdrawals right now and it’s so tough. Atleast I can put a term to it now and know others are going through this. Before I really thought I’m going mad.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2018 20:08:09 GMT -8
I’m constantly thinking about the situation replaying the past in my head. ... I go through this a lot when am laying down to sleep. My mind parades out all of my regrets and mistakes. The term for this is Rumination. If you are familiar with cows, rumination also refers to a cow chewing cud. We just chew these digested experiences over and over. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumination_(psychology)#Pathology A good technique to stop Automatic, Negative thoughts would be to have a set of positive thoughts ready to substitute in. When you recognize the bad thoughts coming, interrupt yourself with your conscious will and sub in a real positive trait that you possess.
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Post by MikeLA on May 20, 2018 10:32:39 GMT -8
Today I found myself thinking about my POA, it has almost been three weeks I would like to stop thinking about her and cut her out of my thoughts completely. I did this and it helped to refocus: I brought myself to the current moment by looking at tangible things in the room, I focused on that item and then I focused on another item and I was back in the room and back in the moment.
I feel that we think these thoughts to escape the painful emotions that we are about to feel. Today I did well in stopping thoughts but then the painful emotions took over. And instead of running I faced them. I had to pray as I couldn't deal with it alone.
There was one horrible moment where I sat down in my room and felt such a horrible feeling it was not pain but the closet thing I could describe it to is maybe a panic attack. I was not having one but it felt like the start of one (I have maybe only had one in my entire life). I felt utter despair and grief. Just a scary moment but I moved past it and was okay.
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Post by MikeLA on Jun 8, 2018 2:10:53 GMT -8
Don't limit yourself by living in your mind!
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jun 8, 2018 9:42:49 GMT -8
John Bradshaw, may he rest in peace, used to say that love addiction is a thinking disorder because it was all based on distorted thinking and projection. Once you get past getting someone out of your head you are really on your way to a brighter tomorrow.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2018 17:32:32 GMT -8
Don't limit yourself by living in your mind! This has been a really important switch for me. Moving from a secluded, yet safe, private life, to a more public and connected, real world experience that includes some reasonable relationship risks.
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Post by wailingwalrus on Oct 26, 2019 12:45:07 GMT -8
Just reading through this thread has been very helpful to me. By far, the hardest part of this has been the intrusive thoughts.
Thoughts of my PoA are a constant buzz. We haven't talked in a couple of weeks, but my thoughts are constantly replaying the relationship, its ending, and what she got up to afterwards. I've tried the hard approach, telling myself we broke up and her life is none of my concern, but cold logic isn't working. And just screaming at myself to stop hasn't cut it either. I come to a point in the buzz where there's a spike, and I know if I entertain the intrusive thought, I'm going to suffer. But so far I'm unable to stop myself overthinking the thread.
Music can help, but it has to be specific. I can't listen to anything in her favoured genres or anything soppy. So generally finding quite powerful aggressive music.
It can be so bad that a phrase in a TV show or word on a page reminds me of something we shared. Occasionally, when I talk to other people, for a moment or two I can almost forget it, and then it's a surprise when it comes back in. Also first thing in the morning, though I frequently dream about it (I wish that was a joke), it takes a couple of minutes before my brain comes to on things I don't want to consider.
Reading people's experiences and strategies on here has been great though. I've never had any success with allocating "worry time" and I'm not religious (although maybe that shouldn't stop me). I think I might try the activity where you allocate a few minutes "non-thinking time" at a time at a particular task. I am finding study very difficult at the moment, and think that physical activities would occupy my mind more. I had a workout today and that helped a little for a time. Hey, maybe I'll end up with the six-pack she never wanted me to have.
I was wondering if anyone had any opinions on joining an all-purpose addiction group? The 12 steps or something. I think I would feel embarrassed standing up with alcoholics and explaining my addiction, but I am seriously considering it.
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Post by Sexlessw on Oct 27, 2019 10:30:46 GMT -8
Wailing Walrus:
There are folks who have joined other groups such as AA. Now, if you do attend an AA meeting, perhaps you can find another group, through them, that handles our particular situations.
I know for my area, there was a sole L.A. group (and SLAA) which met once a month.
Now, you may find L.A., SLAA or CoDA meetings online - several members here have done those.
Keep reading this thread. See what has helped other people. If a poster suggested something that worked for them, try it. If you think, "Nah, not for me" leave it.
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Post by Namaste on Oct 27, 2019 13:30:47 GMT -8
I was wondering if anyone had any opinions on joining an all-purpose addiction group? The 12 steps or something. I think I would feel embarrassed standing up with alcoholics and explaining my addiction, but I am seriously considering it. While open AA meetings are open to the public you should not talk about your love addiction. Speak to the topic or in general terms. I have been a member of AA for 37 years and we have to respect the fact that talking at AA if for alcoholics. Enjoy everything else about what you learn there. This issue has been controversial since my first meeting. Back then it was about whether drug addicts could talk about their drug addiction. The group was divided. You can go to Co-DA, Alanon, SLAA or ACA to talk about love addiction. This is just my opinion . . .
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