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Post by overwhelmed on Jan 3, 2011 17:06:42 GMT -8
does this go for men too? I am so wnating to contact her, but I know it would be futile
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Post by happyeyes on Mar 12, 2011 22:47:17 GMT -8
Hello,
I am new to this forum. I have realized for some time now that my healing will only begin with NC. It has been more difficult than I imagined. I work in the same department for a very small company and am forced to interact with this man everyday, sometimes just he and I alone. Time and again, I head to work determined to remain civil about work issues but to avoid any unnecessary contact with him. It works for a few days, until he gradually begins joking, teasing and turning on the charm, just like every time before and my resolve crumbles. It seems to be a never-ending cycle with us. The first couple of times, I explained why I wanted him to stay away from me, but that only seemed to make him try harder. I have gone over this so many times in my head, tried so many self talks, reminder messages on my cell, and inventing work away from him when I can, but I am out of ideas. This has become such a difficult situation for me, that I considered walking away from a great job, just to be free of this hopelessness. NC- great idea! Not sure I can heal without it. I just don't know how to make it work for me. Does anyone have any advice for me here?
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 13, 2011 4:12:56 GMT -8
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Post by SandyLove on Sept 9, 2014 5:40:30 GMT -8
I am in Day 5 of NC. My contact with my PoA was mainly through email around the end of the workday. Yesterday was monday, I decided it is best for me just not to be on the computer at all around this time. To try and find something else to do. Clean my house. Play with my kids. Anything but be on the computer. it is just too easy to send one email, and then be back where I started. I think I will need to adjust this schedule for some time. Recovery has taken top priority in my life at this point and I will arrange everything around it.
I still struggle with the idea, many of you have mentionned, the idea that doing NC and amends will eventually repair or improve the relationship. I try to push this out of my head. But progress not perfection. If I can
maintain NC that is at least a first step.
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Post by shamz11 on Jun 30, 2016 23:34:04 GMT -8
I found this really helpful, both the article and the comments. Its been two weeks since I contacted my poa or was contacted by him. It was excruciating. I felt like someone had died. Not being able to have "the conversation" made it worse. I thought if I could just make him see how what we were doing was hurting me that he'd be sorry, that he'd change and want to stay - if he just knew I was serious this time. But of course none of that happened ... and that hurt even more. Each time he'd message I'd lose my mind thinking this is it, the apology and things are going to be different but two responses into the conversation, he just wanted me to come over. This really hurts. I keep finding myself in this position, on the outside and its lonely and frightening here and I don't want to be the kind of person in mind, spirit and behaviour that will keep ending up here.
I realise that I didn't die and that each day I become more hopeful, thinking about him a little less each day.
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Post by purplegrunge on Jul 13, 2016 5:14:54 GMT -8
Today is my first day of NC. I hope I would be able to continue this, this time.
Without actually knowing about it, I have been trying NC for past 2 years. But I failed every time. I feel ashamed of myself that I gave in every time.
This time I blocked him everywhere. Deleted his number. I sstuffed his number out of my directory. But I still remember his number.
I do want to succeed this time. This forum is helping me a lot. This makes me feel that I am not alone. I feel happy pouring my heart out.
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Post by purplegrunge on Jul 13, 2016 7:55:06 GMT -8
Dear vivi
Thank you so much for these encouraging words.
I have truly decided change my life this time and I have even decided to give importance to those who are actually healthy for me and those who help e to grow as a person instead of trying to fix broken people and draining myself.
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 9, 2020 14:10:19 GMT -8
Wow - I forgot I started this post in....2008! I still refer people to Baggage Reclaim privately.
June 2008. Just - wow. Six months before I had a F2F encounter with my xOM. ***SHUDDERS***
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Post by Sexlessw on Sept 13, 2020 12:38:21 GMT -8
Terra:
No Contact = NO NEW HURTS.
There is no "cure-all" for this, but we can make sure we cut it off when we feel it nagging at us at the beginning of a relationship.
Self Knowledge is our power. And that is something that can never be taken from us.
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Post by Linda S. on Nov 16, 2020 11:25:35 GMT -8
When "No Contact" Is Not Helpful - (Love Addiction & Codependency)
This video gives a bit of an alternative view, but I do think there is a place for some of the ideas discussed in it:
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Post by Sexlessw on Nov 17, 2020 4:54:12 GMT -8
No Contact is for, IMO, when you are breaking from an addictive relationship. It's useful for when you are breaking away from a partner who is abusive. No Contact is for YOUR healing journey, not somebody else.
HOWEVER, if you share children with a partner, NC needs to be Limited Contact [LC]. I would also say LC is useful in a work situation where your living depends upon interaction with a supervisor or co-worker.
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Post by Summer_Azure on Dec 29, 2020 13:01:11 GMT -8
Great article!Thank you! I will write that letter! I am sure it will make me feel better and stop even the tiniest hope or thought of being together again. He doesn't worth it.
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Post by Sexlessw on Jan 8, 2021 11:07:59 GMT -8
Summer_Azure:
I hope writing will help you out. It tends to focus your thoughts. Editing focuses what you want to say even further.
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terra
Full Member
Posts: 165
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Post by terra on Jan 8, 2021 17:26:01 GMT -8
I am testifying that LC works. I am getting so much perspective, especially now after I have been subjected to a telephone assault by R and his new victim of choice.
I feel that i snapped out of a long time ago and what has transpired recently just another proof how over it had been- detachment.
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