Hello, I am new to this forum. I have realized for some time now that my healing will only begin with NC. It has been more difficult than I imagined. I work in the same department for a very small company and am forced to interact with this man everyday, sometimes just he and I alone. Time and again, I head to work determined to remain civil about work issues but to avoid any unnecessary contact with him. It works for a few days, until he gradually begins joking, teasing and turning on the charm, just like every time before and my resolve crumbles. It seems to be a never-ending cycle with us. The first couple of times, I explained why I wanted him to stay away from me, but that only seemed to make him try harder. I have gone over this so many times in my head, tried so many self talks, reminder messages on my cell, and inventing work away from him when I can, but I am out of ideas. This has become such a difficult situation for me, that I considered walking away from a great job, just to be free of this hopelessness. NC- great idea! Not sure I can heal without it. I just don't know how to make it work for me. Does anyone have any advice for me here?
I am in Day 5 of NC. My contact with my PoA was mainly through email around the end of the workday. Yesterday was monday, I decided it is best for me just not to be on the computer at all around this time. To try and find something else to do. Clean my house. Play with my kids. Anything but be on the computer. it is just too easy to send one email, and then be back where I started. I think I will need to adjust this schedule for some time. Recovery has taken top priority in my life at this point and I will arrange everything around it.
I still struggle with the idea, many of you have mentionned, the idea that doing NC and amends will eventually repair or improve the relationship. I try to push this out of my head. But progress not perfection. If I can maintain NC that is at least a first step.
I found this really helpful, both the article and the comments. Its been two weeks since I contacted my poa or was contacted by him. It was excruciating. I felt like someone had died. Not being able to have "the conversation" made it worse. I thought if I could just make him see how what we were doing was hurting me that he'd be sorry, that he'd change and want to stay - if he just knew I was serious this time. But of course none of that happened ... and that hurt even more. Each time he'd message I'd lose my mind thinking this is it, the apology and things are going to be different but two responses into the conversation, he just wanted me to come over. This really hurts. I keep finding myself in this position, on the outside and its lonely and frightening here and I don't want to be the kind of person in mind, spirit and behaviour that will keep ending up here.
I realise that I didn't die and that each day I become more hopeful, thinking about him a little less each day.
Post by purplegrunge on Jul 13, 2016 7:55:06 GMT -8
Dear vivi Thank you so much for these encouraging words. I have truly decided change my life this time and I have even decided to give importance to those who are actually healthy for me and those who help e to grow as a person instead of trying to fix broken people and draining myself.
No Contact is for, IMO, when you are breaking from an addictive relationship. It's useful for when you are breaking away from a partner who is abusive. No Contact is for YOUR healing journey, not somebody else.
HOWEVER, if you share children with a partner, NC needs to be Limited Contact [LC]. I would also say LC is useful in a work situation where your living depends upon interaction with a supervisor or co-worker.