|
|
Post by lotus on Sept 21, 2010 8:23:14 GMT -8
We all know how important it can be to begin NC with our POAs. But starting NC means giving up our drug...and that means withdrawals.
I'm starting this thread as a place people can post their experiences with withdrawals. What were your symptoms? How did you get through it?
The hope is that by sharing our experiences, newcomers will be better prepared to deal with this part of recovery.
My experience:
NC with my POA started only partly by choice. The semester ended, so I no longer had the daily hit of seeing him in class or at school. I was so surprised at how I reacted. I became a ball of nervous energy. I started to miss him like never before. I thought, "I must be in love". I had a hard time concentrating on anything. When I was with family and friends, I wasn't really "there". I kept thinking how I wished I was doing whatever I was doing with POA instead. I started eating a lot.
These symptoms and his pings started a cycle of short contact and longer periods of NC with my POA. Each contact and then proceeding NC period was an emotional roller coaster. I started having anxiety attacks and anger attacks as I tried to break free.
The most important thing that got me through this period was continuing with my life. I didn't isolate myself. I reached out. Even if I didn't enjoy being with the people who cared about me, I stuck with it (I enjoy their company immensely now!). Although I did continue with my life, I did give myself free time to work through the pain instead of being super-busy. I gave myself permission to feel feelings. I started to explore spirituality and my past. I found this board and the twelve steps and began recovery.
|
|
|
|
Post by EmoUnavail on Sept 22, 2010 7:44:37 GMT -8
Withdrawals are the hardest part of the whole POA/Breakup thing.
Its breaking away from the habit, like drinking or smoking or anything else.
This day and age, the Cell/Txt/BBM/FB/Twitter .. etc makes it SO much worse. The only way to get past the Withdrawals is to maintain No Contact ... As long as there is contact, direct or indirect ... it starts all over again. Imagine a recovering alcoholic having to walk through a casino or a bar ... when you are breaking the habit. It hurts, it pulls and it makes you do CRAZY things.
I have tried to deal with it by getting into new habits. Not the old ones i was used to with my POA. The biggest was the TXT and calls ... so i am txting my friends and calling my friends every chance i get ... to change that habit. I deleted all her info from my phone so the temptation is gone. The withdrawals come and go ... everyday is different. Some ups and some downs.
Just replace the habit, spend time with friends, family ... change your atmosphere, and it will change your perceptions. Exercise, aside from looking better, the chemicals that come out during workouts replace those highs you have with your POA. Its not the same but it does slowly get better. The biggest thing is to mentally end it, cause no matter what you do, if you fantasize ... the withdrawals will stay for a long time.
|
|
|
|
Post by lacypooh on Sept 22, 2010 12:06:21 GMT -8
Guys, I am in a weird place, I am not having withdrawals from a particular person, but I am having withdrawals from the feeling of love or at least a strong attraction. I love to cuddle, & recently I have been desiring someone to cuddle with.
There are a lot of guys ( emotionally unavailable ) who are more than willing to cuddle with him or get more physical if i want or will allow, but i know i ultimately want a deeper connection so I have been aoviding this type of situation but the feeling is so intense that I often have to take a nap to avoid making a phone call.
There have been times i have had to shut my cell phone off or hide it to keep me from doing this. It is so strange & intense & really intensifies when i hear of someone i know beocming a couple, or becoming engaged. I feel sadness for being single or no love connection in sight.
These are the symptons of withdrawal I am currently facing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 22, 2010 15:37:11 GMT -8
Metphorically it feels like my POA cut out my heart and broke it in half . . . heartbreak for sure.
Withdrawal is very physical for me.
I get suicidal. I do not want to live with the pain.
Beneath the feeling of wanting to die is my unwillingness to suffer for the greater good.
Depression definitely sets in.
I am listless.
I am nauseous.
I have headaches.
My body is exhausted.
All I can do in lie still in the bed as if I had the flu.
I wail as if someone has died.
I cry a lot and ask God "why me."
Suddenly I am the center of the universe and it is all about my pain.
I lose interest in my friends and activities.
I lose my appetite.
I lose weight.
Before recovery I used to slash my wrists. I am a cutter. We do not slash to die, just to displace the emotional pain to something physical which is more manageable. (Nail me to cross but don't break my heart.)
I put off committing suicide but I hold tight to a bottle of pain killers I have saved for just such an occasion.
Eventually time passes and I stop feeling sorry for myself. Then I just get over it like all other heartbroken people . . . one day at a time.
Here I am breathing because everything else is too painful. My breath goes up to God and he takes note of my pain. He sends help when he has time.
|
|
|
|
Post by freedom2010 on Oct 5, 2010 0:25:21 GMT -8
My withdrawal usually manifests as total obsession. I have a hard time listening to people because the second I stop talking I begin thinking about my POA. Sometimes I start thinking about random other men that might be "the one" so that I can ease the pain of knowing it's not my POA. Lately I've noticed that the withdrawal is just making me more angry in general. I find myself annoyed with other people's behavior. I want to isolate myself so that I don't have to deal with my issues with people. And when I am having withdrawal I become much harder on myself than I would normally be. I obsess over my abilities, I nitpick at my physical appearance and I do not feel satisfied with myself. I feel less smart, less beautiful, less deserving.
So this time, since I've realized how unhealthy all of this behavior is, I'm just acknowledging everything I feel and reminding myself that I'm going through withdrawal. I am patient with myself in this process. And I am doing whatever I can to just feel better about myself -- putting down that butterfinger, shaving my legs, committing to a workout routine, reaching out to friends that I love (at least one per day) and telling them I love them and asking what is going on in their world. I am reading constantly and I am diving in head first into what I know I can enjoy -- which is my infant daughter. Facing withdrawal is making me fearless because if I can get through this, I can get through anything.
|
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Oct 5, 2010 2:37:33 GMT -8
I wanted to comment on the idea of withdrawal: with anything (food, alcohol, coffee, nicotine, drugs, love, sugar, etc.) our bodies react to things in a chemical way. When we repeatedly put a chemical like sugar into our bodies and then suddenly remove it, we withdrawal (obviously on a much smaller scale). BUT MY POINT IS, that the human body takes time to readapt to its new chemical state. We NEED to know this and we need to have patience with the "process" our bodies and minds need to go through. Love and the high we get from a PoA is ALSO a chemical reaction and when it's removed, our physical body and mental state need time to readapt to the withdrawal as well.
I know it's hard, but this is the time to have patience with yourself. This is the time to wait. It's incredibly hard for LAs to wait because we want immediate gratification. Like a child, we want what we want and we want it NOW. But adults understand the need to wait. They understand that deferred gratification brings joy. That blowing the pay check week to week gets us no where, but saving our money, offers security for those times of economic uncertainty.
Remember too that withdrawal is the first step in HEALING. And that after it, comes a sense of calm and an ability to think more clearly.
So, wait. Be patient with yourself. Don't allow the "trick" of withdrawal lead you to believe you will always feel this miserable. You will NOT. The body heals itself, but needs the time to do so....
T
|
|
|
|
Post by EmoUnavail on Oct 5, 2010 4:23:01 GMT -8
Once again, very well put Telmita ....
Facing Love Addiction by Pia Melody has a great section on Withdrawals ..... It has been the best book i have read yet !
|
|
|
|
Post by shavedtiger on Oct 14, 2010 7:29:16 GMT -8
When I'm tempted to contact my PoA I try to rationalize it by telling to myself that the feeling is normal, that it is part of withdrawing from him. I also remind myself that the pain of dealing with his indiference after I contact him is way worse that the pain of wanting to contact him.
|
|
|
|
Post by mybestme on Oct 18, 2010 10:54:15 GMT -8
I am in the thick of withdrawals right now. For what I intend to be the last time.
My POA is not right for me. No matter how attracted we are to each other, how much we care for each other, how hard it is to walk away...I know I would not be feeling anxious and depressed right now if the situation were right and it was meant to be. I am taking this gut instinct feeling (despite him saying he wants to be with me when and if I'm truly divorced, and will wait) that this is all wrong.
I stressed when I couldn't have him...now I'm stressing more that I can. I have never felt more clear about what needs to happen than I do right now.
So, NC started again today. ICK...these withdrawal feelings and moping around are a nightmare. I know I have to live it, feel it, deal with it and try to do my life at the same time.
I made plans for lunch with a friend tomorrow...I got dressed and pulled myself out of my sweats....I re-connected a little with my husband this morning. I volunteered at my daughter's school this morning - all of these things seemed boring and mundane to me. But, I know if don't do them, I am doomed.
As Lotus said...I'm hoping and praying that I will actually start to enjoy normalcy and the people around me again...once these withdrawals go away.
I've had set back, a slip...yes. But, I have every intention of making it my last one. I am saying goodbye to my POA for good and moving on with my life.
MBM
|
|
|
|
Post by sunnybird100 on Oct 20, 2010 14:26:07 GMT -8
I'm also in the thick of withdrawal. I feel like I'm walking in a fog, nothing is real or very important. I'm crabby and irritable. I took the afternoon off from work to write and instead of working on my book, I'm writing this post. I know I don't love this person, only the idea of him. We call each other friends, but my gut says we're both addicts, afraid to act on our addictions. In fact if he came on to me, I'd probably panic. What would I do? Would I reciprocate. I have to have NC. That is the only answer, but it's killing me.
|
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Oct 21, 2010 1:58:29 GMT -8
Don't forget that your brain is your strongest defense against severe withdrawals. Remember to tell yourselves that what you are doing is RIGHT and GOOD and IMPORTANT. You are saving a life: your own.
|
|
|
|
Post by jonny on Oct 22, 2010 8:01:42 GMT -8
IF THIS WILL HELP ANYONE I DONT KNOW !!! SEE WHAT YOU THINK  ABOUT WAYS TO HELP CONTROL YOU MIND !!! In recent weeks going thro a stage of withdrawal from my POA who is away for several months visiting her family i have taken to using my knowlege of cognative thinking which i learn about after loseing my wife suddenly !!! To stoping the vicious cirlcle of tummy reaction to brain then back which then becomes an unstopable vicious circle that then starves the brain of oxygen !!! its called the ( animal instinct FIGHT or FLIGHT fear ) and makes you breath different and very unhealthy... There are several ways one is to as soon as you get a negative thought that starts off the vicous cirlcle start to think like a movie of when you had a very happy occation and you will feel your tummy ease... When you get a negative thought in your front brain then after overload it goes into your subconsious which unfortuately does not recognise lies so you believe it !!! so you have to cross examine it to prove it incorrect to make it go away !!! Then there is also the start of a negative thought that you can stopped by quoting over and over again a list of all the good quality things about yourself to build up your self asteem back !!!! it all takes lots of practice but when you can do it !!! it does work including taking deep breaths filling your diafram then breathing out thro your mouth say twenty times ..... I now can sometimes ease myself by just taking a deep breath now....this is only my opinion ONLY and experience but its helped me a lot !!!! jonny xxx I hope these ideas may help someone but when you are feeling very bad it is very hard i know believe me !!! jonny xxx |
|
|
|
Post by newbie on Dec 4, 2010 12:24:08 GMT -8
The conversation i'll have with myself:
I'll email him again, just one more time to put the last message right, he'll understand me, it wont be so bad. I wonder if he will reply.
Scenario one:
I email. has he replied, waiting, why not, maybe i'll email another account.
If he replies, heart pumping can't believe it, high, what has he said. Thinkking i knew i could elicit a response, i like what i cant have.
Sadness kicks in because i know he is married.
Scenrario Two:
where i am now. I wont email him, i know this is a habbit. it's okay to let go of people in life.
He's still in the universer just not in my world. i kid myself and think he might come back to me. i dont want to email him though, because i am out of this black hole. I may type an email and then save it to drafts or delete it straight away. I know this is a cycle, i can chose to be in the black hole or to walk down a new street. i know this is an addiction, i have to be storng. right now my self tells me i will give in, but i have to challenge that thought and believe in myself. i cant give in to the weakness. i need to try.
if i make it past a few months i feel good, i feel clean. my headaches have gone. but what happens once the few months have passed? i feel bored, i need a hit!
that is the part i struggle with. but i like being clean, i like having slef respect, standards, setting boundaries, it feels good.
so my plan is to see my name in shining stars, i am valuable, and no matter how long i am single i will pray that my weakness does not scare me, that i dont cling on to my POA, being strong sometimes means letting go. i plan to write a new book, i will make time for a life, i will not always be busy i will not be a work addict anymore, i will take time to sit and think, relax and this is quality time. i will relax, i will open my heart and find new love when the time is right, not because i need it, but because i want it.
now i feel good, nc is working, i do have a headache. thans telmita, i do have problems waiting, my mind tricks me and says you will only crave contact in 3-6 months so why quit, but rational tells me that i will feel clean and better after 6 monhts, my mind tricks me and says you have lost all self respect, so why try to regain it now? I know i can rebuild it thought, this time can be different, even if i have failed before, now i am wiser for this board, because i have failed once doenst mean i will fail again, habbits can be broken, life can change and history doesnt need to repeat itslef, i dont have to feel scared anymore, i have my higher power and if i ask and ask again sincerely in devout prayer for help, i can relax and carry on.....
that's the first time ive explained my withdrawal it's a deep weakness stemmed by false thoughts, mind tricks, fear, the reality is different. The reality is i can have better and i can win this is an ilness, but i can be controlled, and managed maybe even cured, and when we relax and stop trying to control things and just live we can move on..............
wow mind dump!Thank you board xxxxxxxx
|
|
|
|
Post by newbie on Dec 4, 2010 12:33:52 GMT -8
now i recognise withdrawal, before i played it down " if i really want to stop texting him i will" i dint realise that sending text messages could turn into an addiction, that was madness, no one else suffers with this, no one to tell, now i know, i feel free, i feel better, it is an illness. that helps me so much, relief......seeing the red light flash on a blackberry was like a red flag to a bull, ecstasy.....so glad the addiction is recgonised, now i can work on a cure, it's important first to recognise and admit the illness.
|
|
|
|
Post by meggiemaye on Dec 16, 2010 23:29:10 GMT -8
my first post
wow. i am week one of withdrawl.
i relate so so much. the red light on the blackberry. the ecstasy or agony it caused me. i feel finally i am not alone tonight,after reading everyone elses posts. thanks
very heartbroken
|
|
|
|
Post by mgb on Dec 17, 2010 4:30:51 GMT -8
Don't forget that your brain is your strongest defense against severe withdrawals. Remember to tell yourselves that what you are doing is RIGHT and GOOD and IMPORTANT. You are saving a life: your own. Thank you for this telmita, this saved me tonight. I am 32 days into no contact, and just finishing work on step 1 and having a second round of severe withdrawals...... this helped so much. mgb.xo |
|
|
|
Post by growingup on Jan 11, 2011 16:13:44 GMT -8
Withdrawals are the hardest part of the whole POA/Breakup thing. Its breaking away from the habit, like drinking or smoking or anything else. This day and age, the Cell/Txt/BBM/FB/Twitter .. etc makes it SO much worse. The only way to get past the Withdrawals is to maintain No Contact ... As long as there is contact, direct or indirect ... it starts all over again. Imagine a recovering alcoholic having to walk through a casino or a bar ... when you are breaking the habit. It hurts, it pulls and it makes you do CRAZY things. I have tried to deal with it by getting into new habits. Not the old ones i was used to with my POA. The biggest was the TXT and calls ... so i am txting my friends and calling my friends every chance i get ... to change that habit. I deleted all her info from my phone so the temptation is gone. The withdrawals come and go ... everyday is different. Some ups and some downs. Just replace the habit, spend time with friends, family ... change your atmosphere, and it will change your perceptions. Exercise, aside from looking better, the chemicals that come out during workouts replace those highs you have with your POA. Its not the same but it does slowly get better. The biggest thing is to mentally end it, cause no matter what you do, if you fantasize ... the withdrawals will stay for a long time. Hey, I think this is my first reply. I hope I'm doing it right. Please let me know as I am not truly proficient at the computer. |
|
|
|
Post by brooklynberry on Jan 11, 2011 20:31:43 GMT -8
You're there!
|
|
|
|
Post by melsoul on Feb 8, 2011 13:55:07 GMT -8
Thanks everyone for their posts and sharing. I'm really, really struggling right now with what I guess is withdrawal, but I just don't know. Several months ago, I cut off all contact with a friend with whom I became extremely, codependent-ly close--I believed we were soulmates and I felt deeply connected to him, yet my intuition told me it wasn't a healthy connection and so I distanced myself. I also met and fell in love with someone who is good and healthy for me, and now we're planning to get married. Yet despite finding someone so wonderful, I'm still obsessed with this friend, as much as I don't want to be. I feel empty and lost without him and terrified that I made the wrong decision. Everything seems to remind me of him and contribute to feelings of extreme anxiety and worry that I did the wrong thing. I'm either feeling attached to him mentally and anxious about that, or feeling this lost, adrift, incredibly lonely feeling that's pretty anxiety provoking too. I try to pursue my interests and get on with my life, but I have this voice pounding in my head telling me I did something wrong and should be with him, and some of my interests remind me of him too because he "understood" those things about me and helped me feel like I was important. But he was also controlling and manipulative and wanted to possess me completely, which I know isn't healthy. Despite all that, I can't seem to forget him and let go and I still have all this holding-on energy and tension in my body every day. I'm depressed and miserable and feel like I'll never get a sense of myself back again. My fiance has been so patient with me, and I truly love him, but I feel like I'm in an emotional prison because of this. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice? I'm feeling at the end of my rope with this nightmare.
Thanks.
|
|
|
|
Post by willingtochange on Feb 21, 2011 11:53:20 GMT -8
I had to touch the flame just to make sure it was hot...I feel like I have nobody to blame but myself or should I say take responsibility for putting myself in the line of fire. I was doing great and I was peaceful- and there's a 'but' and here it is...I am feeling some type of way because I am pregnant and I know I don't need him there but d**n it I want him there and because I had contact the pain I feel now over my POA's avoidance/absence has been refunded with interest! So I am going through withdrawal again! This time it seems harder and I fight myself from contacting him because I know the result will be the same, it always is. I am angry too because we have a beautiful little 14mo. old daughter that he has not since he left (approx. 1 month). So I guess I am learning that I am/will be okay whatever I feel and it is my job to take care of those feelings sharing them where I am safe. If you are going through withdrawal for the first time trust me you never have to go through it again. Thanks for letting me share.
|
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Feb 22, 2011 4:31:47 GMT -8
No contact equals no new hurt, willingtochange. To help, it's time to start accepting that he is not going to be the ideal father for your children. This is where I still falter. I still TRY to make my ex a better father by imposing rules on him, and instead of seeing the bigger picture and doing something for the sake of caring for his kids, he's more likely to attack me and ignore his kids just for spite. That's PROOF that he will never change, and yet I persist. Not sure what it is about being human that makes us believe we can control others. We can't. FOcus instead on what you CAN do: love your babies and move on and don't repeat the same patterns of love addiction. That's a world you don't want to teach your kids about.
|
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Feb 26, 2011 19:00:07 GMT -8
This is my first post. I am really glad to be here...because I can't take this withdrawal process much longer without support. It is far harder than moving out was - which i knew i had to do to save myself -
I have not seen my POA since January 4th and we have not had a conversation in almost four weeks. I sent emails he didn't respond to - and finally when he did...his response just made me angrier as he continues to lie to me...and attempt to alter my perception of reality - offering lame excuses for his behavior - rather than just being accountable and honest.
I believe it has been at least 2-3 weeks in which I have made no attempt to contact him. I was determined that the few things i depended on him for I would find someone else to help, and i did accomplish that!
I feel resentful, suicidal, enraged, used, I fantasize about outing him in every way possible - so as to create some type of emotional response - or perhaps it is revenge i seek although that's not my usual MO. It gets easier not to contact him because he typically does not respond - or shows no compassion - or is caring for 5 minutes then disappears into the ether. I recognize that whether i try to engage lovingly, call for a favor, about a book i want back, out of anger, it is all just a ploy with myself to keep it going...therefore, I am fighting these urges and abstaining!
I am a master of self-care - exercise, keep a schedule, work not too much but steadily, go to yoga, get outdoors and hike, talk to friends, journal, it doesn't matter...I am still preoccupied - obsessed - I want to know what he is doing who he is with - no I have never stalked him and never would - but I still wonder and imagine, torturing myself...
i know his life is none of my business. That this is just a way to get my fix - although it never feels good... I know it won't change anything. I know that it was I who decided to care for him when he was ill, support him while he was jobless, and take him back, every time even though I knew he had lied to me about something, was in addiction, was womanizing, etc. i am typically not the type to call myself a victim....
I need help and reading others replies helps me by letting me know i am not alone and that there is a future in which I will not feel this burning pain every free second that I am awake - thank you
|
|
|
|
Post by soulseeker on Feb 26, 2011 19:28:31 GMT -8
Dear Jasmine,
I am here to tell you it gets better. If you are conscious and aware of the pattern, like you are, it gets easier. Time needs to pass to heal.
I think the majority of us here have been obsessive in one way or another around our PoA's. For me, No contact was the key to move away from the behaviors. I love the phrase NC=No new pain.
You are on your way! Keep posting and being honest. We understand here.
|
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Feb 27, 2011 12:08:43 GMT -8
DEar Soul Seeker:
Thanks for your response, kindness and encouragement...right now it means everything to me.
|
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Feb 28, 2011 3:23:42 GMT -8
jasmine-- Hang in there! All the rage, anger, hate that you feel for him will dissipate the more you learn about recovery. Try to understand that he was a teacher for you. Ask yourself what he may have taught you, not so much about his gas lighting, lying, or blaming, but about YOU and why YOU stayed with him as long as you did. It takes a strong person to realize their own part in an addiction. And you seem to know more than the average Jane!
Remember too, when you feel rage and revenge for someone, it is out of frustration and desperation because you feel as though you've lost control. We are addicted to people and things because they help us to avoid ourselves, to give the illusion that we're in control, when really we are simply numbing. And now that he is gone, you are ANGRY that you are forced to face your own life. That's a scary thing. But don't let the anger and rage replace the addiction. Don't switch one addiction for another faulty defense mechanism. Learn as much as you can about LA and why that anger is there. Hope this helps!
|
|
|
|
Post by brooklynberry on Feb 28, 2011 9:35:57 GMT -8
withdrawal was often like hanging on for dear life for me. At times I felt like I was going to die. The good news is now, though, I don't feel that way at all. I just don't even care that much about my PoA's. Things like NC are effortless. But it took a while to get there. I think many people expect it to be over in a week or two. I say 4-6 months is a better idea. Of course the pain isn't that intense for the whole period, but by month 6 I wasn't constantly being triggered every 2 seconds!
|
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Feb 28, 2011 19:11:17 GMT -8
Thanks for these responses they are helpful. What is the best way do you think.... to work the steps, as I cannot attend LAA meetings in my community because of what I do for a living....
My POA called me yesterday and I did return his call. He apologized for not being there when I needed him and acknowledged that I was always there for him. Of course he threw in the "and I miss you" - which I didn't respond to. He admitted that he had dated another while we were together...but gave me some lame excuse as to why he would make that choice - which I do not believe. He is not ready to see himself - his own addiction. But he did acknowledge not being equipped to be in an intimate relationship. I am happy for him that he can see that. Sad for me that I love someone so impaired.
The conversation was long and he was crying when we got off the phone. The heart strings tug as I feel sad when he is sad. He could not tell me why he was crying but that he would call me "later" to talk about it.
I have to refrain from wondering when "later" will be.... I also have to recognize that he is likely addressing all of this because he is perhaps between women??? and missing me for the moment - or wanting what he doesn't have....the fact is I have to stop wondering why he does or doesn't do anything.
The apology helped take away some of the anger. I refrained from trying or offering any assistance such as "DO you want me to come over?". I had to remind myself that compassion is fine - better than anger but that this is a person who has lied and betrayed me....and to hold fast.
I will continue with NC - but at this point don't feel comfortable blocking my him from my phone ....I have looked at the NC guidelines and they're very helpful. At this moment - this most recent contact was helpful - but maybe in weeks to come it will not feel that way - I never know how I will twist something up later on. Am I at risk or not seeing something clearly - in my thinking about this interaction?
thanks to all again and blessings -
|
|
|
|
Post by LovelyJune on Mar 1, 2011 3:12:11 GMT -8
Sad for me that I love someone so impaired. Here's the truth, because you seem to really be searching for it....You love someone "so impaired" because YOU yourself are impaired. This is what love addiction is all about, this is what most of us remain in denial about, and not accepting this fact is what keeps us imprisoned in the pattern of unhealthy relationships. Here's another truth: the anger you feel for him, is really anger at yourself. And every call he makes to say he's sorry, and every time he says he misses you, those are sstuffs. They mean nothing in the big picture of how he treats you overall. Love addiction is like digging in a trash can for your dinner every night and being happy that you've found an uneaten, unwrapped Snicker's bar. Good for you! You found a decent meal. But you are still in denial over the fact that you're eating out of a trash can. And here's the real twisted thing about love addiction that I will warn you against: so many love addicts try to FIX their trash cans. BUT YOU CAN'T FIX A TRASH CAN! No matter how much you tell the trash can that it is an addict too, and that it needs to clean up its act, it's STILL a trash can. The only thing you can do at this point is fix yourself, and see the enormous part you play in this dysfunctional relationship. As for the 12-steps, you can do them on this website. Scroll down to the bottom and all the steps are listed for you. Get a journal, buy a 12-step book, and get started! I hope this helps |
|
|
|
Post by jasmine on Mar 1, 2011 18:22:51 GMT -8
Thank you. I appreciate your directness...and your metaphors made me smile - humor is a good way to get to me. I will take up your suggestions!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by secondhandrose on Mar 9, 2011 22:58:14 GMT -8
i am at the heart of a withdrawal... i have had the same poa for about 5 years. my mind has held me hostage with many fantasies of how things should be or would be with my poa. i am just posting on this site today and do look forward to healing and recovery. the pain of withdrawal is huge. no contact has been hard for me and has caused me 3 restraining orders. cyberstalking has been one of my problems. nc is the only way. with this site i see nc as something possible. i can go here when i feel like looking and it seems like looking only causes me great pain anyway. i appreciate the people here and their stories.
|
|
ABOUT WAYS TO HELP CONTROL YOU MIND !!!
