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Post by brooklynberry on Mar 10, 2011 6:51:27 GMT -8
Congrats! You really need to stick to it and you'll see results, the discomfort is just anxiety and it will force you to find healthier solutions,,,
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Post by reinventmyself on Mar 10, 2011 14:15:51 GMT -8
Welcome second,
You've come to a good place and asking for help along with admitting you have a problem is a big step and a very courageous one. Please give yourself credit for this.
Come back and come back often.
We'll can be there for you for the tough times.
Why?
Our stories may be different but we've all been through something similar or exactly the same.
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Post by secondhandrose on Mar 11, 2011 20:03:49 GMT -8
hi all  i think it's been 3 or 4 days since i've belonged to this forum.. i am in withdrawal from cyberstalking or NC with my poa.. it feels like it's been months. like forever. i have all those nervous feelings in my stomach. i am going crazy. i have not even got dressed or anything. the worst thing though is my brain. i have constant fantasies and thoughts about him. not just about him but about him and his fiance. since i couldn't find out a lot about him, i would follow his fiance and figure out, what did she have that i didn't have. that just practically murdered my self esteem. i am struggling a lot, but everyone here says it gets better. and i have done this before. i have gotten away from NC and no cyberstalking and i have felt better. i know i feel better. i want to start working on me. i want to develop my life. at least i think i do. it's been so long that i've focused on myself. the withrawal is hard. i'm not used to looking on the inside of me. i'm always looking on the outside. i just need to hang in there. like everyone here. you are all my mentors |
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Post by reinventmyself on Mar 12, 2011 8:20:22 GMT -8
Withdrawals is the HARDEST part. It's hard to focus on learning lessons in the throws of withdrawals. Ride it out and be kind to yourself.
It helped me know what it was and that there is peace on the other side.
Hang in there!
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Post by Bo on Apr 15, 2011 3:57:58 GMT -8
My tears started yesterday in the elevator, and today they continue as I keep realizing there's no way I can turn back to the PoA's, [although a part of me wants to run to the arms of a man] and there's no way I really know how to move forward with a new man that may come along.
I feel stuck, trapped, lost in withdrawal. I have Goals. I'm going to the Gym, but still I miss the men, the hugs, dinners, sex, laughing, even the arguments--then making up. It's true none of them wanted a commitment--they were each just taking pieces of me
So, today I ordered the suggested workbook to keep me busy while I cry my way through withdrawals. Thanks.
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Post by Bo on Apr 15, 2011 4:00:22 GMT -8
I'm feeling better today...still in Withdrawal.
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Post by LovelyJune on Apr 15, 2011 4:25:38 GMT -8
I miss the men, the hugs, dinners, sex, laughing, even the arguments--then making up. You miss all those things, Bo, because you built your entire life on them. Maybe you don't miss the men, per se, as much as the comfort of the old life you created for yourself. When we change, when we do something different, it feels awkward, uncomfortable, UNNATURAL. Don't be afraid of the weird feelings and of wanting to go back to the only way of life you knew until now. What you're going through has to be gotten through if you really wish to change. And always remember to ask yourself this question: who am I without all those men and without all the thoughts in my head of all those men? In order to find out, you must continue down this path... |
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Post by brooklynberry on Apr 15, 2011 5:55:53 GMT -8
like Telmita said, you miss what you were addicted to!
Please log in. Thanks. Welcome back.
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Post by Bo on Apr 16, 2011 12:21:18 GMT -8
Here I am on a Saturday Nite, still in Withdrawal, no date, no men, NC, and all alone. A part of me wants to feel sorry for myself, but another part of me (the same part that brought me to this Recovery Board) knows that this is exactly where I need to be.
"Who am I without all those men and without all the thoughts in my head of all those men?"
Excellent Questions by Telmita. Just thinking about the answers leaves that same sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Who am I now? Just like the woman in my avatar (I did not know who she was) that recently changed, I don't know who I am. (funny, that my avatars change appropriatly as I move through this program).
Tonight I'm working in the Surviving Withdrawal Workbook that Susan recommended, and just getting through the first writing assignment, I've learned the purpose of my obsessive thoughts are to fill the void or "need" that I think I have. My obsessive thoughts about the PoAs, want me to go back to the addiction to soothe the pain.
My ah-ha moment tonight (after working the workbook) is realizing that the role my obsessive thoughts are playing is:
To keep me in denial.
I am beginning to see a little more clearly why this withdrawal process is necessary. I could not have made this realization if I were laying in the arms of a PoA. This is a lonely and sad place to be, but I am going to stick with NC and Recovery, no matter how many sinking feelings I get in the pit of my stomach.
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Post by emilyelizabeth on Apr 16, 2011 14:34:37 GMT -8
I have just begun withdrawl from a lifetime of love addiction, Though several different partners. All of them eventually became the same man. I am day 20 of NC , yet I did call once on Tueday (refused to heed the warnings) I still have not gotten out of bed for 20 days. I can not sleep and can not eat. (barely) Monday I have to remove the remaining things from his house. He has agreed to stay away while I do this. My chest is killing me, Is this normal, throughout these 20 days i might have had a continuious 3 hours of sleep tops. And crying always , that I have liquid left in my body amazes me. What surprises me is that today was the first time I started to look at my particpation tat brought me to this site. The night I met him was at aparty he ex fiance and 3 ex girlfriends were there. All warned me I wouldn't listen Love at first site, a storybook beginning, love like I never experienced before, finally God brought me true love. I remember the day he came home and that same love was missing from his eyes, and i have been looking for it since. He was replaced with an impostor that didn't like me. How I danced around waiting for his return.I feel sick alot, I also have laryangitus (God's way of shuttin me up from talking about him).I hurt, I grieve, I long. Please help me.
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Post by loveaddictedvee on May 9, 2011 16:12:33 GMT -8
I am going through withdrawal now (new to the group). I feel depressed. I have been on this whole work out/diet thing but its really hard. I feel depressed. I dont want to deal with people or really talk. Im anxiously waiting for my Pia Mellody book to arrive and my next session with my therapist this week. I keep reading from the site because it helps. I wish they had a chat option so that you can talk to people on here. I feel lonely but I have no one I can talk to about this. I dont have close friendships right now and I couldnt tell me family about my feelings. I dont want to talk to him. Right now im disgusted by him; im just anxious to make myself feel better right now.
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Post by ladybug on May 16, 2011 17:27:34 GMT -8
I am looking for suggestions. My ex BF broke up with me and I have had NC for him for awhile and I am doing OK not wanting to text him, but everywhere I go reminds me of him. We used to frequent every local restaurant and fast food joint and park etc... Today I walked into Kmart and stood in the line and it reminded me of the last time I was there when he hugged me. I got so sad. I can not ignore every place in my life that I shared with him. How can I get past this???
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mambo
Full Member
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Post by mambo on May 16, 2011 18:06:29 GMT -8
Hey lady. Welcome to the forum! What's helped me is coming to this forum daily and reading on love addiction and especially self esteem. I know you're probably thinking there's no way my self esteem can go up right now but what really struck a light bulb in my mind is when I realized that by accepting or longing for my POA (person of addiction), I am basically telling myself that yes I agree with the fact that I am stuff because my POA treats me like stuff. The more you look at your past relationship through those lens, the less likely you will miss him. Use this opportunity to take care of you. Think about you! Don't think about him. You have to do this because ultimately it's just you right now. You have a choice to decide to recover or be sad and without him. He doesn't deserve you. You've made a BIG step in coming to this forum. Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing. |
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Post by heartbroken on May 23, 2011 21:10:01 GMT -8
I am 33 and just a few days ago came across this LAA stuff. I am home. I found what is wrong with me and now I can heal. Thank you all so much for posting your experiences. I feel the same way. Waiting for a text, or call, or for him to scoop me up & fix it. But he won't. Even if he tried, he can't. I now realize I am the only one who can help myself. I HAVE the power. And now I have somewhere to turn for guidence. Thank you, thank you, Thank you.
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Post by LovelyJune on May 24, 2011 3:24:54 GMT -8
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Post by ladybug on May 24, 2011 13:28:43 GMT -8
I am in need of suggestions. When I was with my POA, we bought tickets for a BIG concert of his favorite group which is in three weeks. He bought them but we had them delivered to my house. We both forgot about them and they came in teh mail today. I do not intend to go and he DID pay for them so I should send them to him. I planned on just putting them in an envelope with no note. He will know they are from me. Is this okay? Is it making contact? He will NOT respond to me at all. I have not had any communication with him in over three weeks after our last round of texts and they were very malicious on both ends. I ended the last text with I am sorry and he said he needed time to cool off. It came from me being attacking as we had just broken up two weeks before and he told me e alreayd had a new gf. Anyways, I have no idea about his life, and frankly, I do not care. I do not want to hear from him. Worse case scenario, he MAY text me a "thanks" but I doubt it. And if he does, I will not reply. He can take his new gf to the concert. Please share your thoughts.
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Post by ladybug on May 24, 2011 13:29:48 GMT -8
I meant I will put in an envelope and MAIL them. I do not live near him.
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Post by suffernomore on May 25, 2011 10:23:21 GMT -8
I find myself in tears in thinking about the POA. He contacted me this morning but I have not responded.
I don't know if this is classic LA but I'm scared to go on. I'm scared to move on. I really thought he was the One.
I am a OLA and Co-d.
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Post by suffernomore on May 25, 2011 10:33:23 GMT -8
I think about how I just want to be in a nurturing, caring environment where I am spoken to in nurturing and kind ways. I thrive in supportive communities. I grow and expand in communities where I'm nurtured.
The POA is so critical of me. It seems that the majority of the time is some type of complaint about me. Each criticism chips away at me and I don't seem to forget or forgive even when he tries to make amends.
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Post by LovelyJune on May 26, 2011 3:46:28 GMT -8
He's most likely not "the one" if his constant criticisms chip away at you. I mean, everyone has their faults. No one is perfect. But when someone else's imperfections start to damage you, or hurt you emotionally, physically or mentally, then that is a sign that something is not right. It's a sign that it's time to start taking care of yourself. And that means embracing the idea wholeheartedly that he's not the one. Turn off all the sad music, quit watching the romance movies, stop thinking with your heart or your emotions (that's the little girl in you) and start to use your LOGICAL BRAIN to guide you and make decisions for you.
You'll be OK. You just need to believe in your own self worth.
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Post by overcomer on May 26, 2011 6:25:28 GMT -8
LovelyJune:
"You miss all those things, Bo, because you built your entire life on them. Maybe you don't miss the men, per se, as much as the comfort of the old life you created for yourself.
When we change, when we do something different, it feels awkward, uncomfortable, UNNATURAL. Don't be afraid of the weird feelings and of wanting to go back to the only way of life you knew until now. What you're going through has to be gotten through if you really wish to change.
And always remember to ask yourself this question: who am I without all those men and without all the thoughts in my head of all those men? In order to find out, you must continue down this path..."
[/quote]
Thank you LovelyJune! I needed this too.
Please log in. Thanks!![/font]
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Post by Freetolive on May 30, 2011 17:43:20 GMT -8
Here goes the cravings...What's she doing? Where is she at? Obsession Obsession all day today. Couldn't even focus on my school work for clinical's tomorrow. I hope I don't do this stuff to myself anymore. What good is it?
HOW DO I CHANGE MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS?
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mambo
Full Member
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Post by mambo on May 30, 2011 18:59:09 GMT -8
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Post by Freetolive on May 31, 2011 14:17:09 GMT -8
Today I was obsessed with the idea of a girl I know, to have sex with her. Then this other lady I know. But she is married. I can't cross that bridge. It's sad how I want someone to want me. Why can't I want me? Going to a meeting tonight. See you guys.
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Post by dorkestbeforedawn on Jun 1, 2011 9:29:24 GMT -8
w00t share that at the meeting and ask for feedback after the meeting!
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 1, 2011 13:59:03 GMT -8
w00t share that at the meeting and ask for feedback after the meeting! It will be next weekend before I get to another meeting. |
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Post by Freetolive on Jun 10, 2011 16:34:12 GMT -8
Withdrawls or something was strong today. Found myself obsessing alot. And I hate that. Because it's pointless. She has moved on. Maybe I'm being to impatient with the process, overwhelmed. I found myself reaching out to a previous POA. But thank God nothing happened. I don't want to use anybody. i acted out in other ways today. Sort of sucks. I guess it shows me that I'm still in a lot of pain. It's been 10 days since I began NC. First time I've known about the NC rule in 4 months. So glad I learned it or learning it. A day at a time.
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Post by melsoul on Jun 10, 2011 17:50:51 GMT -8
You're still very early in withdrawals and NC ... from what I hear, what you're feeling is normal for withdrawal. Hang in there and reach out for support.
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hear
New Member
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Post by hear on Jun 10, 2011 22:26:01 GMT -8
I have never attempted NC. I began today because I realize nothing can get better unless I start caring about myself. I do not know why it has taken me so long to decide to walk away from my PoA but the pain is very difficult for me. I love this person, he loves me, we have a family and I am driven crazy by him for many years now. It is the emptiness which terrorizes me. I can handle anger but emptiness is frightening. I don't have an identity unless it's in connection to someone else. Who am I?
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Post by tizzy on Jun 11, 2011 8:00:01 GMT -8
Hi hear, and welcome to the board. Some of what you said makes me think of emotional dependence and codependency. This board has a wealth of resources and offers a lot of support to help you sort out and work through your love addiction. Here's a link to the sub-board on codependent love addiction: laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=codependent |
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