Post by ontheroad on Dec 2, 2011 19:34:12 GMT -8
Aah, so I have a lot of interesting childhood things.
1st- My mom is for some reason unable to connect with children. She does not listen to their needs, and is very overbearing and hard to deal with. I remember being grounded my entire childhood. For extreme lengths of time. After being told I was grounded, I remember crying frantically, hating it, and being forced into seclusion for hours, and sometimes days without friends for really tiny things. My mom had no idea how to discipline a child effectively, so I was out of control, couldn't stand being home, didn't trust her to give me any freedom outside so I opted to be secretive about where I was and what I did (even if it wasn't bad. It usually wasn't.)
2nd- My father was/is a love and sex addict. He cheated on my mom with her best friend who had borderline personality disorder. She then became my new stepmom. Yay! So, at that point, my father's addiction cause me to be emotionally abused by him, and my step mom (who was f-ing insane). Even to this day, my father says inappropriate comments about sex and women to EVERYONE no matter who he is with. I have a lot of resentment towards him for not owning his nuts, and taking care of it. At the same time, this allows me to relate better to others....gah...anyway. I need to find a way to handle this. I don't want to be around him and subject myself to these comments. Even when we are talking about normal things, which is rare, I still have this feeling of grossness I guess.
3rd- Both parents put me in the middle of their divorce. My dad would force me to sign papers for court, to say bad things about my mom, etc so that he could get more money through custody battles and such.
4th- I believe I was raped as a child. I can not remember by who. I think it may have been my uncle. I have very vivid memories of "waking up" on my bedroom floor during the day with the lights on and knowing I didn't feel right. I remember someone coming in and helping me up, and being like "what happened?" but I don't know who it was. I thought it was my grandma, but when I asked her about it several years ago, she didn't know. I feel like I need to figure out what happened to me, because if I can't, I don't know if I can heal. Even now, I have trouble sticking up for myself. I put myself in situations that are uncomfortable and I know I don't want to be there. <sigh>
The pain of my parents divorce, and overbearingness of my mother make me an avoidant addict, while the abandonment of my father, with whom I had been very close before the divorce, cause me to avoid my relationships through love addiction!!! I have both at the same time. I am a mess. But I have a good outlook on my life. My relationships however, do not go well.
1st- My mom is for some reason unable to connect with children. She does not listen to their needs, and is very overbearing and hard to deal with. I remember being grounded my entire childhood. For extreme lengths of time. After being told I was grounded, I remember crying frantically, hating it, and being forced into seclusion for hours, and sometimes days without friends for really tiny things. My mom had no idea how to discipline a child effectively, so I was out of control, couldn't stand being home, didn't trust her to give me any freedom outside so I opted to be secretive about where I was and what I did (even if it wasn't bad. It usually wasn't.)
2nd- My father was/is a love and sex addict. He cheated on my mom with her best friend who had borderline personality disorder. She then became my new stepmom. Yay! So, at that point, my father's addiction cause me to be emotionally abused by him, and my step mom (who was f-ing insane). Even to this day, my father says inappropriate comments about sex and women to EVERYONE no matter who he is with. I have a lot of resentment towards him for not owning his nuts, and taking care of it. At the same time, this allows me to relate better to others....gah...anyway. I need to find a way to handle this. I don't want to be around him and subject myself to these comments. Even when we are talking about normal things, which is rare, I still have this feeling of grossness I guess.
3rd- Both parents put me in the middle of their divorce. My dad would force me to sign papers for court, to say bad things about my mom, etc so that he could get more money through custody battles and such.
4th- I believe I was raped as a child. I can not remember by who. I think it may have been my uncle. I have very vivid memories of "waking up" on my bedroom floor during the day with the lights on and knowing I didn't feel right. I remember someone coming in and helping me up, and being like "what happened?" but I don't know who it was. I thought it was my grandma, but when I asked her about it several years ago, she didn't know. I feel like I need to figure out what happened to me, because if I can't, I don't know if I can heal. Even now, I have trouble sticking up for myself. I put myself in situations that are uncomfortable and I know I don't want to be there. <sigh>
The pain of my parents divorce, and overbearingness of my mother make me an avoidant addict, while the abandonment of my father, with whom I had been very close before the divorce, cause me to avoid my relationships through love addiction!!! I have both at the same time. I am a mess. But I have a good outlook on my life. My relationships however, do not go well.
