Pia Mellody YouTube clips

awesome...for sure...is there a part 3...very very helpful...when does the love addict documentary come out? Sun

It triggered some anger in me when she went on and on about cadillacs.

Sun,

I would like to say that it may be out in the spring? But I don't know for sure. Best bet is to get on my mailing list (Visit thelovelyaddict.com/ and then add your email address, upper righthand corner). I'll let you know the second it's released!

Yeah, I couldn't see a part three. It actually seems to miss the first part of her chart she has there on the whiteboard. But I found something very cute about her story about the Cadillacs- it was her innocence about her own wants, and how to get them. Also the things she didn't like about old Mercs...she's quite unintentionally funny.

With the "wants", I related to how she said codependents think they have to be absolutely sure that their "wants" are what will make them happy before they can try to get them, or before they can even really feel their want for them...if that makes sense. I identified that in myself last year for the first time. I didn't know that the way to find out if I wanted things was to TRY them and see if they did make me happy. Does anyone else relate to that being hidden to them?

I've just flashed on why this could have become so hard for me. It's like a "want" could be WRONG, like Pia says, we could be wrong about something. I might buy a Cadillac and then I don't actually like it after all- and I don't like making mistakes. (actually I want a Yaris). Mistakes were something I was attacked for as a girl. I felt belittled by my mother often...daily...and I learned to hide not only my mistakes, but my thoughts, my wants and preferences from her so that she didn't have so much ammo to attack me with.

I hid them so well that I began to have trouble finding them myself as the years went on. I learned to follow other people's lead- do what they do if it looked fun. Hello drugs and alcohol. I found my first full blown codependent relationship at 18 and was horribly convinced he had a charmed wonderful life and talent and I abandoned myself and my integrity there. He left me after 6 months or so, letting me know all along the way about the other girls he was hooking up with. I was a mess internally and I found escape through drugs and rebellion. Luckily I still had enough of my own powers of discrimination to choose a healthier life by the age of 20, after only a few years of dangerous living. I had my son when I was 21 and thank goodness I then had a reason to want to stay healthy. So physically I was doing OK, mentally I was still in the dark. Until this year.

Yeah. So, finding my wants again. I've also been listening to Melody Beattie and reading some of her stuff online, and she says to really take note of what we put our energy and focus into- whatever you put it into will take a front seat in your life (to continue the car theme so it's great if you can do service in a support group...or online forum...because that will help you enormously in your recovery. It will give back to you 100 fold.

Here's the link, it's an AA conference style thing I think, so it's also a lot about her addiction to drugs and alcohol
melodybeattie.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/melody-talks.mp3

Nice to post again. Lots of love xx

@ LJ aka: your vlog! So good.

It's interesting about "wants". I can relate so much to what you're saying jacarandagirl, but my reasons for feeling so are quite different.

I grew up in a place where I had NO say in what was happening to me, and I was always at the mercy of someone elses decisions as a child. I quickly gave up my wants and wishes, because in the end it only brought me pain and dissapointment. I could mention countless examples; my mother promising me we'd go out and eat ice-cream together, and then buying and ice-cream for me, to eat ALONE. The vacation she and I where supposed to go on together, which she cancelled because she felt too "stressed out" to go, when I wanted to try horseback riding, figure skating, dance-lessons and she promised to look into it and never did.

By the time I was 13, I had no wants anymore. I was taught not to expect anything. She promised be that everything would get better, and had this way of painting a rosy-red picture of the future, which she never made any effort to make real.

In the past 4 years, i've often felt like I have no wants. If somebody where to ask me, i'd say "Well, nothing... Just to feel good". I don't care if I have a cadillac or a skoda, a castle or parkbench, as long as I am not in pain and feeling good.

I thought this was a positive aspect of me - being humble. But I realize now that there's some problematic aspects of this too. I can't work towards getting the life I want if I have no idea what it might look like, what I prefer. And it is ok to have preferences and desires.

Maybe that's the reason I got so angry by the cadillac-thing. "How dare you speak about how you prefer one CAR over another, when I can't have neither". Because I never thought I could.

Okay, enough rambling, I am going to make a list of things I want. Maybe I can't afford them right now, maybe it's not available, maybe it's superficial, but it is my preferences - how I intend to prioritize my time and money.

A light-blue yoga mat
A lipstick in just the right shade of red

I want to go to posterland and buy beautiful, colourful and interesting posters for my new room (moving in on january 1st)

I want my room to be nice, clean, and preferably always have a vase with fresh flowers in it (bought or plucked by myself, of course)

I want more roleplay! And I want to write that scenario for a the next convention in October.

I want a big, white apartment on top of a grand old building with huge panorama windows and a room decorated just for writing and being me (with a HUGE, old brown disk - and flowers!).

I want to laugh every day.

I want an old, red, rusty car with paper twirling inside it. Always a little messy, unorganized, but always working. Seats should be white, beige and look like couches (small ones)

I want to go to India all by myself, just to meditate and retreat for three months.

I want to visit the Faroe Islands. I keep having dreams about the countryside there.

I want lots of pencils in different colours and nice quality, and paper too so I can draw and paint just because it amuses me.


Ohh, dreaming is so much fun! Seriously, this made my day, and I could go on and on and... But now I want avocado, and then I want to go and buy christmas-gifts for my entire family (not because I have to, but because I want to), and maybe have some hot chocolate later (If I still want it by then).

Lots of light. I'd like to read similar lists from all of you, if you feel like making one.

Wise words Calvin. I can say the same thing. It's great to remember that we actually do pick unavailable partners in order to avoid ourselves. It is such hard work to recover. I hope I can manage it.