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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 9, 2011 13:19:44 GMT -8
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Post by iamastar on Dec 9, 2011 13:44:01 GMT -8
You're great! The advice really made sense, and you put it in a way that was easy to understand.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Dec 9, 2011 13:47:02 GMT -8
It's very cool! Well done! I'm impressed with how relaxed you are on camera. And you look really good! What a coup. I also think that's a great tip about obsession within a relationship being a red flag about the health of the relationship. For me the more you are chatting to the viewer the better, in terms of reading stuff out or just winging it. For sure I get that it would be a big help to have your notes there on the computer. Also the light from the laptop is great to see you by.
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Post by iamastar on Dec 9, 2011 14:01:46 GMT -8
I was also thinking, compared to the clips of you from the trailer of "Love addict" (which was actually where I learned about love addiction for the first time), you look so much better!
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Post by reinventmyself on Dec 9, 2011 15:13:56 GMT -8
Nice!
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Post by LoveParis on Dec 9, 2011 18:03:53 GMT -8
I throughly enjoyed it. You looked relaxed and a natural at it. I look forward to next week's video. Keep them coming!
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Post by sober on Dec 10, 2011 0:47:13 GMT -8
Charming! You were at ease and it came natural. Only the "reading part" wasn't that "inviting" or attractive. The viewers don't know how many more seconds you'll go reading instead of making eye contact or connection to us. So it will look more "pro" if you put the prompter in front of you like the cam facing you or better yet memorize it.
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Post by Light on Dec 10, 2011 1:25:19 GMT -8
Sooooooo lovely, Lovely ! I really like it and you look so sweet and calm. It was the first time I thought about obsession in these termes: balance or non balance between relationship and avaiability of the partner. It is make me thinking and I felt relieved I've been obsessed for such a reason and not because I was crazy...... Please keep on posting your new videos! Thank you! Light
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Post by calvin on Dec 10, 2011 2:01:52 GMT -8
I watched it late last night when I got in from work and having seen my PoA again. Obsession; yes, I see now the patterns of my behaviour, trying to grasp something that is not mine, always just out of reach and seemingly dangled tantalisingly close.
I have made a decision that when I start to obsess I will remind myself why I am doing it and STOP it. Think of something else. Think of the stuff from my childhood I am dealing with and deal with that instead; so much better use of my time; but of course much harder.
Thanks for your video - so nice to see a face and hear the thoughts and advice.
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Post by margot on Dec 10, 2011 3:44:00 GMT -8
The message on obsession was important for me, thanks for pointing out that it's something to pay attention to and to realize it's his/her avoidance behavior triggering it. Also I can note whenever I am in the avoidance mode and observe others behavior because of it. Interesting.
Thanks for doing this, it's good to see you. You look great on camera.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 10, 2011 3:52:29 GMT -8
You guys are hilarious. Hopefully, you will eventually be focused on the MESSAGE and not how it's delivered. But I guess that's all a part of doing a video blog. More info coming in at you, in a different format. Any topics you might like to see in the future? Or any questions I can try to answer for anybody? Just let me know!
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Post by marymas on Dec 10, 2011 12:13:44 GMT -8
Very good! I really benefitted from your talk. Thank you very much.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 12, 2011 3:24:54 GMT -8
Paisley, it wasn't MUCH later in life that I realized something about all those avoidant, distant, work-aholic men I dated. I dated them ALL for a very good reason: I, me personally, could not handle intimacy with someone who actually loved me. It was too intense for me. Too scary. I still have a very hard time spending loads of time with D-- who is perfectly content to be near me 24/7. I always tell him "I'm not used to such closeness." Sure, I was married for 7 years, but I was married to an avoidant. That's pretty much like being single. I could do anything I wanted in my own house, I had total control, I was almost completely alone. And despite the fact that I was WHINING about my ex H's avoidance ("Why don't you spend more time with me???) in reality, I simply could not handle it-- at least with HIM. With D, it's a heck of a lot easier.
We are different with different people.
Anyway, my point is, you are very right about the way you balance out your life. If you are in obsession, extreme fantasy mode, you're going to need someone completely avoidant to balance you out. It's part of nature. Nature is completely off balance, and yet, every living thing seeks balance.
The more control you gain over your emotions, thoughts and actions, the less extreme you will be. The less extreme you are as a person, the more balanced your relationships will be.
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