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Post by torchbearer13 on Dec 17, 2011 9:38:49 GMT -8
I wasn't sure where to post this. When my therapist had me look into Love Addiction, I could only find SLAA meetings. There are no LAA meetings in Chicago. I went to the SLAA meeting. This girl I know was there. We talked after the meeting. She told me she chairs a meeting that very same evening and invited me. I had plans that evening, I told her I'd try next week. I went to the meeting the following week. It was hard to relate, most of them were sex addicts. I stayed so I could talk to the girl. I wanted to get her contact information. When she told me she was looking for a therapist, I recommended mine. I told her I'd give her the info. She gave me her e-mail and telephone number. I decided I'd just e-mail the info. She responded shortly and said, "Thanks ____. I appreciate the referral  ". Now I'd like to call her. I am not sure if it is appropriate, but she did give me her telephone number. |
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Post by margot on Dec 17, 2011 10:03:17 GMT -8
Something to think about Torch..........The people who have worked the steps here and have recovered recommend working the steps and being 'sober' for 6 mos. to a year before dating. If this woman is a chair person and you are a newcomer, she should let you recover before 'messing' with your head/feelings by starting a r'ship. It is easy to get over a r'ship by starting another one but is it safe and is it healthy and is it any different than the past situations and is it neglecting your recovery? Please be serious about recovery........it's GOT to be worth it. The past sure isn't and a repeat sure isn't. Take care.
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Post by gemmrose1 on Dec 17, 2011 10:28:58 GMT -8
For me I had to concentrate on recovery before I could even consider a romantic relationship. It is not on my agenda for however long it takes.
I do agree with Margot
Hard decision but you can share on here and get good advice. I did :-)
You are not alone
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Dec 17, 2011 16:26:48 GMT -8
Why do you want to call her?
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Dec 18, 2011 2:12:25 GMT -8
I take it you mean you want to call her to ask her out, and that you want feedback on whether other people think it's appropriate. Me- I say no. Here's why- she wasn't giving you her number for that at all, just for the reference for the therapist. You sound like you're trying to make yourself believe that that really could mean it's OK to call her about a date. Er, no. And even if she was egging you on in some way by giving you her number, it's a SLAA meeting- that's the addiction. Would you want to cross those sorts of lines in your recovery? Or hers?
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Post by Loving My Life on Dec 18, 2011 4:04:34 GMT -8
And it is also what we do if you have been in 12 step meeting room, "we are to reach out and help those who still suffer with there addiction", it is part of our service work. Her intention for giving you her #, might have only been so you would have someone to call, if you were about to act out, and to just have someone to contact about your addiction. Iam sure if you ask her did it mean more than that, she would tell you the truth. Dont fall in love with someone who is just reaching out in a friendly way to help. These are co-dependent behaviors as well. Does this make sense?
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Post by happyberry on Dec 18, 2011 11:27:24 GMT -8
long time SLAA member here
NO NO NO NO NO
just don't even go there.
Doesn't matter what her intentions were
Call a guy.
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Dec 18, 2011 14:11:08 GMT -8
I agree with happyberry.... Call a guy.
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Dec 20, 2011 5:32:47 GMT -8
There is Hope if you have both partners in recovey. There's Hope, Sobriety, Support.
I go to meetings for support and information. An to use whatver tools I have to learn how to say Sober.
For many this is making sure Intrigue stays out of the meetings. The guys in my own meeting only sponsor or talk with other guys. One guy who has 20 years sobriety I could call...that's 20 years. Most people dont have that much Sobriety..
A couple I know who are in recovery both go to meetings, but Seperate meetings.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 20, 2011 6:06:04 GMT -8
Not appropriate! People are trying to rebuild trust and friendships in those meetings and you will most likely be seen as a threat. Besides, it's a little bit "acting out."
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Post by happyberry on Dec 20, 2011 11:57:31 GMT -8
this is a really super duper no no
even in AA it's common that women stick with women and men stick with men.
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Post by Loving My Life on Dec 20, 2011 15:36:25 GMT -8
Also it is expressed in meeting rooms, that it is not a place to pick up dates, your #1 focus should be on your recovery. When you start to focus on other things, it only takes the focus off of yourself. Once you have been in recovery for awhile (1 year), then see how your feeling after that. Dating early on in 12 step meeting room, only leads to relapse. When we 1st get to the rooms we are too vulnerable, and our feelings are too raw, and there are people who know this and will take advantage of this also. So just be careful, protect yourself. IMHO
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Post by happyberry on Dec 21, 2011 14:01:40 GMT -8
exactly what was said above, consider where you met this person.
I should chime in that I attend women's only meetings and it's been nothing short of a life-changing experience.
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Post by torchbearer13 on Dec 22, 2011 20:27:55 GMT -8
I am very confused about dating in recovery. Interacting with women in general for that matter. The A.A. meetings I go to, many members interact with the opposite sex. My therapist told me it was ok to get a girl's phone number from the meeting list. She is a woman.
It even says in the Big Book, " the world doesn't judge me by intentions, but my actions".
I must not belong here.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 27, 2011 13:59:13 GMT -8
Your recovery group is like your family. Would you date your brother just because you are attracted to him. No, you would nip it in the bud.
Women should go to womens' only SLAA meeting.
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Post by littlesteps on Apr 6, 2012 5:59:27 GMT -8
I'm in several 12 step programs, and I give my number out all the time (for purposes of support, or referral, etc). I've never once given out my number because of "interest".
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Post by jphcbpa on Apr 11, 2012 12:10:45 GMT -8
this is why I go to mens meeting only. |
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