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Post by Susan Peabody on Aug 19, 2008 12:55:01 GMT -8
Close your eyes and imagine what you looked like as a child. Pretend that this child still exists. Talk to this child and nurture her as if she were your daughter. Play with this child. Set limits with this child. The inner child is a personification of your childhood. Some people had a happy childhood and when they resurrect an image of themselves as a child they find a happy girl or boy. Most love addicts find their inner child in pain and in need of soothing. They find their inner child neglected and in need of attention. They find their inner child willful and in need of discipline. The link on transactional analysis explains the origins of the inner child concept. The point of getting in touch with your inner child by imagining yourself as a child is to give yourself now what you did not get as a child. Your parents neglected you but now you can take care of that child who got neglected. Why is this necessary? We never really outgrow our childhood. Our childhood stays fresh in our memories in the part of the brain called the amygdala. Since this child ego state never goes away, we might as well deal with it. Have you ever tried ignoring a child who is trying to get our attention? They never give up. So turn and love your inner child. Play with your inner child. Control your inner child. It is our inner child who gets infatuated with the wrong people. She or he must be taught better taste. You, the adult, must choose your partner. Let me know if you have any questions. There are a lot of books about the inner child. My favorite is Your Inner Child of the Past by Hugh Missildine. P.S. There are other kinds of imagery that can be healing. Yourself as a child and God as the parent helps me. |
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Post by brokenchinadoll on Aug 22, 2008 19:05:55 GMT -8
Does every love addict have an inner child? I'm not sure if I do or not. I often feel like a child due to my behavior at times. But does that mean I have an inner child? I wasn't neglected as a child. My mom and I never got along growing up at all. I went to my dad when I had a problem or needed advice. Then when I was 18, he was diagnosed with cancer and 3 months later he died. I remember saying to myself, "The wrong one died." I'm sorry if that is cold. Now I live with my mother after my two divorces and I am trying so desperately to free myself from my POA. I fight with myself constantly. Is that the adult fighting with the child? I'm just a little confused on this part.
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Post by anewlife on Jan 18, 2009 16:02:39 GMT -8
I don't understand this. As I read my book and thought about my childhood, I have always said, although I don't know why, that I don't remember it. I don't have really anything b4 junior high. I don't like that I can't remember, I know it's not normal, but I don't know if I want to, if I can't. I do know, that in all my readings these past few weeks, that I grew up with alcoholic parents and an mom with emotional issues. I have always thought, if I don't remember anything, there must not be anything to bad. I must just have a bad memory. I am wondering now if this may just be denial. Are there any good books on how to get in touch with my 'inner child'? Sometimes I just try to think and think and think, just one birthday, a christmas, something. I never can remember anything.
Any suggestions?
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Post by recoverlucy on May 3, 2009 15:07:59 GMT -8
I heard before that when you can't remember your childhood, it is usually a sign of blocking something out that you don't want to remember. My girlfriend, through talking with a therapist realized why she didn't remember he childhood. It was because she was molested. I'm not saying that this is the case for you but I think it is a sign that you need to talk to someone and work it through - find out why.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 27, 2009 20:28:55 GMT -8
Susie at 4 years of age . . . |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 27, 2009 20:30:47 GMT -8
Gretchen . . . |
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Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 27, 2009 20:33:37 GMT -8
Star (born in therapy) . . .  |
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rothvl
New Member
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Posts: 9
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Post by rothvl on Nov 29, 2009 1:58:26 GMT -8
I have one particular picture of myself as a child that kind of haunts me. I am standing in between my older brother and younger brother, but a little behind them. It is Christmas and I should be happy, but I look more scared than anything else. As if I'm not supposed to make a sound or smile...not be noticed.
My inner child is a sad, little girl who doesn't feel love. My dad was an active alcoholic and my mother was emotionally absent. She had her mother to "gang up on" my dad (he was never good enough) with. I didn't feel her love or my grandmother's love...pushed aside to make room for my older brother.
I want to love this little girl. She's so cute and so sweet. She loves to cuddle her other grandma, who loves her very much, although she doesn't see that grandma very often. This little girl loves to color, to read, to do quiet things. This little girl is yelled at for always having her nose in a book and told to go outside with her brothers and play. This allows big brother plenty of opportunity to taunt and tease and beat up the little girl. He'll never get punished for it because we'll never tell for fear of retaliation. When he gets older, the sexual abuse begins. Again, the little girl is silent because no one would believe her and she would get beat up again for telling. The only space the little girl has is a long shelf in her closet with a door on it. She crawls in there and shuts the door so no one can find her and she can think.
I want to be protected from my life and the hell I feel for having to live it. Any transgression is met with the belt, the wooden spoon, the wire coat hanger...anything that mom had handy at the time. My mom was a very angry woman. She didn't like her lot in life and her anger was mostly taken out on me and my little brother.
I want this little girl to trust me. She can come in and we can read books together and discuss characters we liked. We can go for walks with each other and learn about who we are. I love this little girl and won't let anyone hurt her again.
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Post by looking4happiness on Jan 7, 2010 14:27:06 GMT -8
Anewlife: I feel the same way! I can't remember much of my childhood either. I have some pictures in my head but it seems they are from looking at photos and not real memories. I remember bits and pieces but hardly anything before being 11 years old or so. I've wondered, too, if I was molested as a child but I don't want to even think about it because I so adored my dad. He was an alcoholic but (from what I remember) never treated me badly. It's frustrated not to know more about your past...I have all these problems but no "real" reasons for it. When my husband and I had to go through home evaluations for a custody battle over his boys between him and his ex, these people asked each of us about our upbringing etc. and I could not answer the question of what my parents parenting style had been. Were they strict etc... I have no memory of that kind of interaction with my parents...
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Post by ok2bme on Jan 7, 2010 17:19:06 GMT -8
Wow. I have such a vivid memory of things from so early my mom said someone must have told me because I was too young to remember, but I do, even down to light fixtures in some scenes. But no one told me these things. Yet with the memory of it all, I still did not know how it linked to my adulthood. I did not know how to link it to things I'm doing now for the sake of working it through & healing.
Seems to be interesting & healing for you as you unravel these mysteries.
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Post by looking4happiness on Jan 8, 2010 11:00:48 GMT -8
...but she does have to be in there somewhere cause she makes me eat all this chocolate!!
I'm not trying to make fun of this theory or practice. In fact, I hope that I'll be able to see my inner child one day. During therapy I've felt sorry for her/myself before but I couldn't really visualize her.
I joke around like this...say that I'm feeding my inner child with goodies...or that you only life twice (after my suicide attempt)..don't mess with me I've been to the other side(or nuthouse) and back!
because I feel being sarcastic helps me not take myself so seriously and not drown in self pity.
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Post by niklka on Jul 2, 2010 19:52:28 GMT -8
I've been working to create a relationship with my inner child for years. When a therapist first told me about this concept I really rejected it. I didn't want to embrace it at all. She kept telling me to "hold my little girl" and that frustrated me SO much. I just wanted the pain and habitual behavior to go away - I didn't really want to look deep inside and see myself, love myself, accept myself, or let my needs be validated by myself. I would tell my therapist, "yeah yeah, hold my inner child - that concept doesn't really work for me". What a patient therapist I had!  I had one experience about a year ago where I was in a relationship with a narcissist and feeling neglected (surprise). In trying to deal with my crisis around these feelings, I experienced a glaring image of a five year old running around pulling on her father's shirttails for attention and not getting a response. I used this image to figure out that my needs for communication and commitment were not being met and stood up for myself in the relationship with a conversation that h understood (but didn't change). Prior to that experience I almost NEVER talked about what was going on with me, my needs, or stood up for myself in an abusive or neglectful situation. My inner child often believes her feelings are not important and likes to pout about that. Since then I've started to slowly build a relationship with this inner child but it has not been easy. Sometimes she hides and refuses to speak up and I can't even see her in the dark. Or sometimes I feel like both the inner child and older adult are at separate ends of a boxing ring. Other times she's mischievous and wants to cause trouble to get attention or stir things up and start a fire. Sometimes she cries because she hurts and its just that simple. Today I found her sitting on a fence with her arms crossed in defiance, swinging her legs and staring at the ground. I've been able to get close enough to hug her a couple of times before and those moments were a real heart opening. One time I had a direct conversation with her about the fact that I promised to protect her from now on and she had nothing to worry about anymore. Even with the few times she and I have met, I still forget she exists sometimes and I always have resistance to going and trying to find her again. It comes and goes. |
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Post by sospiri on Apr 28, 2011 19:44:08 GMT -8
One thing I found really helpful was to go to my parent’s house, go through all the pictures of me as a child, and have them all copied on a high-quality printer. I then put them all in one of those big picture frames, and put it up in my study. Now, when I feel really low and desperate, I go and look at all the pictures of that sad, frightened, shy little boy, and know its worth going on – for him.
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orangeflowergirl
Junior Member
Healthy but struggling... Back to do more work
Posts: 59
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Post by orangeflowergirl on Dec 18, 2011 19:04:13 GMT -8
Like anewlife, I remember nothing about my childhood really. My parents divorced when i was very young, my mother drank and stayed in bed. I guess deep down i don't want to deal with the issues I have with my parents in the past, I just want to focus on me. i haven't read any of the books (time to go to the library) but I know they will help me on this very important journey.
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mac6
New Member
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Post by mac6 on Jan 15, 2012 12:06:16 GMT -8
Does anyone have any Inner Child book recommendations (or other sources ) covering how to stop your Child from driving the bus?
My Inner Child is running the show
-desparately love needy
-so sensitive to criticsim
I need to shift..done lots of TA self talk
Many thanks
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 16, 2012 17:44:29 GMT -8
Although I have not read this particular book, I have read John Bradshaw's book on shame and he touches on the inner child and how to handle him/her. He's written an entire book on the subject entitled, "Homecoming -- Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child" Here is a link about the book from his website -- www.johnbradshaw.com/homecomingprint.aspxI will be reading it shortly, because I really do need to grow up. Like you, I am needy and far too sensitive. The child inside me needs re-parenting.... HaveFaith |
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Post by bklynrn on Jan 19, 2012 12:08:34 GMT -8
The inner child is the one who's playing in the arena of adult relationships. When I began to feel the dynamics of the TWO parts of myself I thought I was nuts or something but when I became aware of the child in me I was able keep the child in check and begin to either soothe this part and/or re-parent this part. I really didnt feel this intense part of myself until I was hit with the transference in therapy...whew..but I learned a LOT from all the feelings that came up from it. It's painful work but so worth the effort and I felt the little girl longing for her father. The part of me that I ignorned for a LONG TIME..The awareness of this part of myself was what i needed to embrace. The child is the one who was always screaming for attention but I never looked at it that way until I became aware of her. As LA we all had some sort of trauma or unmet need that is yearning to be filled but we are often looking to a partner, friend, lover or whomever to fill that void but it the void can't be filled by another person. We need to complete ourselves. We get stuck in repeated patterns and will look to blame the other person for not being what we expected or needed. When in reality it's our own inner dialoge and inner child that needs to be tended to by the adult part... I read a wonderful book called ''Healing The Child Within'' by Charles L Whitfield. I then wrote my childhood story out and began to see how the unmet needs were paralleling in my adult relationships...how I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results...I always felt the same and blamed the other person but couldnt see how immature I really can be....when you become aware of the inner child you can make better choices. When we mature we make better choices. I can entertain the child in me by feeding her fantasies OR care for her and not allow her to be hurt. The choice is ultimately mine but I think I like the latter of the two... |
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Post by looking4direction on Jan 19, 2012 17:23:36 GMT -8
Just my thoughts on this subject:
I bet if I had no childhood issues, I would not mind looking at my "inner child" and would have loved her.
I would know that growing up would not have made her disappear.
I grew up hating myself as a child and could not wait to grow up so I could finally be loved.
Now I need to go back and deal with it.
It hurts so much.
I still hate it.
But I can't run away from her anymore.
Carol
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Post by Herenow on Mar 19, 2012 12:23:48 GMT -8
Mac
I don't know about TA but one book written for women, but very powerful for any sex/love addict regarding sex and LA is "Ready to Heal" very powerful, helped me nail my addiction down and created a lot of space for compassion in myself. Works deeply with the inner child wounding.
Hope this is helpful
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Post by dharmagirl on Mar 19, 2012 15:25:56 GMT -8
I have read and applied the practices found in Thich Nhat Hanh's book "Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child." Hahn is a Buddhist monk, not a psychiatrist, but I find his gentle teachings about loving and forgiving ourselves and others very accessible and powerful. Pema Chodron (an American Buddhist nun) also provides beautiful guidelines for healing in her book "When Things Fall Apart." |
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southernbelle
Junior Member
Recovery is scary, but so is remaining exactly the same.
Posts: 74
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Post by southernbelle on Sept 30, 2014 7:59:06 GMT -8
I see myself as a shy and timid child. I remember my dad not being around much until I was around 10 or 11 when he re-married. I remember crying for hours because I didn't want to go for visitation with my dad, but once I got there I think I had a lot of fun. I think I didn't want to go because I had separation anxiety from my mother. It feel like I always tried to watch out for my mom. My step dad was very abusive to her and sexually abusive to me. They divorced not to long after my sister was born, so I think I was about 9 or 10. I remember crying everyday at school until I was in the second grade for my mom. I moved back in forth between my parents starting around the age of 14 until about the age of 16. At the age of 16 I lived with my dad until I moved in with my boyfriend at the time at the age of 18. Home stability is one thing I never knew growing up. I moved a lot when I was a child. I'm not sure how many elementary schools I went to, and I went to 4 different middle schools. I've tried a couple meditation exercises to try and connect with my inner child but haven't been able to connect with her yet.
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Post by miscreant1 on Jan 7, 2015 16:29:24 GMT -8
Personally for me when I think about my childhood I remember having a very close relationship with my father, or at least that's what I can tell from the tapes and photos that I've seen in my house. He passed away when I was four.
I was never really close to my mother, not for any reasons other than the fact that she was a single parent and had to provide for four kids, and I never had a stepfather. My mother was working most of the time. My mother and I never really saw eye to eye, even when I was a kid I always felt like I wasn't good enough. I'm the youngest of the four, my brothers and sisters were out playing sports and earning trophies and I wasn't. I never liked doing my hair or anything like that and she used to say to me all the time "why can't you be like _____'s daughter? she's younger than you and likes getting dressed up and doing her hair and stuff" I used to also get bullied in school a lot too because of the way I looked...I never really felt connection to my mother, or any of my siblings as a child or as a teenager because the age gap between me and them is pretty big, it's just now in my adult hood that I have begun to build a connection to my siblings. I have begun to explore my inner child and have made some art work of me as an adult consoling this child.
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