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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Jan 23, 2012 16:48:59 GMT -8
This is good stuff Paisley... Sounds like your getting to a big important piece of your puzzle! I had a psych class today and realized how Narcissistic I have become. But I have done it, I think, to get myself out of victimhood. So now I am going to do some 4th step type self evaluation and see where I'm at.
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Post by Loving My Life on Jan 23, 2012 17:54:31 GMT -8
alot of humility might help in this also. who are we to judge another, we might not want them in our inner circle of friends, but that does not mean we are better or worst...it only means we have chooses as too who we want to be friends with. and set up healthy boundaries, and dont judge. this will protect ourself. in my opinion.
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Post by bklynrn on Jan 24, 2012 3:49:00 GMT -8
Hi Paisley,
I did that for a good part of my adult life. It took me time to realize i don't need to figure out other people or try and make judgment calls. That was the wounded child in me. It takes practice but what works for me while interacting with new people or even my current friends is to go INSIDE MYSELF when feelings(judgment calls) were coming up but not react in the moment but process how I felt afterwards...NOT what they were doing or not doing or try to figure out if they are bad or good or whatever. If I felt uncomfortable or whatever around someone ,my body was telling me something, PERIOD!!. I pay close attention to this within me and it tells me I need BOUNDARIES with this person who's triggering up my past. I don't avoid them or try and figure them out anymore. You may need to play around with the boundaries to see what works for you. Wounded people attract wounded people and it's not our job to not judge but we need to protect ourselves....to my shock this has been working and it is allowing me to make new and healthier friends and be more comfortable with myself and my choices..Though the new me is making boundaries with the old friends and they are kinda drifting off...oh well.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jan 24, 2012 4:13:29 GMT -8
I relate to your post Paisley. I hear Byron Katie's voice in my head- "It's the mind's job to judge". I put myself either higher or lower than others when I come from my head. When I'm in my heart we are all on the same level, aware or not, it doesn't matter. We are all on our journey.
It also reminds me of what one of my ex's told me after we spilt- that he left me before I could leave him. He was solely interested in getting out before I had the chance, or the awareness, that I wanted out. Which I did. I was really "out of love" with him. He was so frightened of being left, he did the leaving.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jan 25, 2012 17:56:06 GMT -8
Hey Paisely, This morning I had a realisation I want to share with you. I often feel like I want to be adifferent, not to be so judgemental or neurotic anymore. And I do work towards it, but some days it seems like I'll never get there. Today was a day like that, and then I just had a tiny little glimpse that under all the mental processes I was dealing with was me trying to force myself to be a better person. And so clearly I saw that it will never work that way. That the only way is love, towards me. Byron Katie talks about it in these terms- all these behaviours we don't want to do any more are like children inside us. They need our love. Would you throw your child out into the cold? It's like that with your thoughts. They need our love and attention. Boy I'd like to remember that every day. I think I need another note to self on the wall. xx
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jan 26, 2012 1:13:38 GMT -8
Cool! Me too, that could be a good way to keep this in my mind, to report back here. I want to be a kinder person, so being kinder to me has to be a part of that sooner or later.
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