Loving self

Hey Free,
I want to hear your authentic self! Please don't put on a happy face for me. Get real with what your feeling. If you do that, then I'll feel like I can do it too.
Fear of people hating you for being you? whats up with that?
. And theres nothing wrong with wanting to get high, wanting to feel good, Its HOw you get high thats the thing, right? Get high off nature, get high off positive self affirmations, get high off of a super funny movie, get high off winning a game..... Be well. Thanks for sharing. HK

Hey free.....because of your honesty, you give us permission to be honest too...don't you dare erase your post....and besides it will be great to look back on...you won't always feel this sh*t.

I was also taking a long shot backward at my life and every single decision I made has always come from a place of uncertainty and not from a warm and solid place of self love.

The good news is, is we get to at least know this so that we can STOP the self hatred - somehow, someway....maybe we won't know today or tomorrow, but it's coming....we know too much now.

free, thanks you for sharing where you are, and sometimes we do get on our pity pot, but it is ok, we are human. everyday is not going to be happy happy joy joy. I get like this myself, me and another AA friend were talking about this on tuesday, about having burn out, not wanting to drink or drug, just burn out. We just need to do something different outside of recovery once in awhile.
And someone told me once, and i try to remember this quote, "it is none of our business what people think about us" we have no "control" over other peoples thoughts. And we dont have to be perfect, learn to laugh at yourself once in awhile.
I hope this helps you some, but i do understand exactly what your saying.
Maybe you can talk to your doctor and get something for your anxiety, it helps when we get overwhelmed, we dont have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Hugs too you.
PS: i was just reading some of my morning meditation online on hazelden.org and it was talking about this exact thing. It is perfectionism, and we cant achive this, we are not perfect. this meditation was under "each day a new beginning". We are our own worst enemy.

Hey free, as to not having the motivation to go do an oil change I can completely relate. I have an auto repair shop and until the economy improves I'm my only employee, and forcing myself to get up off my office chair and go out into the shop and work on the days jobs can be tough, really tough! What I have found that sometimes helps is to literally plan it out, even the simplest of tasks I'll plan out then move just to get myself to go through the motions. So as I'm sitting here, I know I have to start on the next job. So I'll take a moment and tell myself what I'm going to do. First get up, grab keys and go out and pull car into the shop. One car is in shop, turn on the air compressor. Then set up the lift. Then raise the lift up in the air. Move the oil drain under the car, remove drain plug.... you get the idea. Once I've mapped it out then it's just a matter of going through the motions and once I've started going through the motions it's easier to keep going through the motions and thats one step closer to getting things accomplished. On the bad days if I don't have that plan in my head it I'll often end up walking in circles and not get anything done.... and in my case that makes for unhappy customers.

Free,
I tell myself, it's okay to be discouraged. You fight the good fight. It's tiring, it's lonely, it's no fun...it wears you down. And Inner Child is unhappy.
I add this one too......."..why is it so easy for everybody else to be happy and have friends and a boy/girl friend?"
I hated being accused of self pity ( my parents used the expression "ungrateful wretch".
It all contributes to a tendency to feel isolated, and begin to wonder, what's the point?
I think it's "heavy parent" and "rebellious child".
You need to do something for your inner child, and that will break the spell.
And, please stay real, I too am trying to be real. It's YOUR life. Peace, Fm2

Thats exactly it with no contact, how can you erase her from your memory unless you erase her from your life...... and the way I feel about my poa is that I do love her beyond the obsession. And I feel that on so many levels we would be good for each other, except for two reasons.... I love her to much, and she doesn't love me enough

freetolive, thanks for sharing this. I have bookmarked so i can read daily. I have more self-love now, than I ever had. And it feels good to take care of myself for once in my life. im happy with me. and i learning to protect myself from unhealthy people. my body tells me im over involved and it is time to stop and rest. Again thanks...

Hi Max, yes this is TOTALLY the issue with contact. I thought that by having several long conversations with my ex about the situation with him lying to me about having a girlfriend would give me closure. In fact, I hung up the phone and felt relatively satisfied with the conversations. But THAT'S IT, within a few days some things he said pop up in my head, and then I think of a new thing to worry/obsess about that I need to ask him about to clarify or validate for me, and it just goes on and on and on!

I think those thoughts come up after the contact, a day or two later, because we DON'T have them in our lives! So we have to latch on to something, anything from them, in this case, a thought or word about what they said, because that's the only way to still feel connected to them! At least for me. I mean, I'm no longer his #1. His fiance is! That fact is shattering for me, so I think that subconsciously I feel connected in some way to him by still feeling this urge to get more validation from him about things he said. Things that usually don't need repeating but I convince myself that they do.

So yes, this is exactly why NC is so critical. I'm at the point that if/when my ex contacts me again, I'm not sure I will even be able to say a word back to him. If I do it will be "I can't talk to you yet" -- he already knows that he's not supposed to contact me until I have moved on with someone else. I don't think he'll be able to have NC for very long though. Today is 6 days. The longest he's gone is 16 days. But now that I know about his fiance maybe he'll no longer feel the need to contact me.

Freetolive,

I think we all have less-than-great days and times. What I try to do is assess what is at the bottom of it? Am I in HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired (or sick)? If I am, I try to practice EXTREME SELF-CARE. On these not-fun days, I really revert to doing inner child work, as for me, it is usually an inner child issue. I quite literally ask myself "What would make me feel a bit better right now?" or "What can I do this morning that will still make me feel good about it this afternoon? (I call these esteemable acts).

I hope that today is a better day for you.