Post by findingstrength on Mar 5, 2012 21:04:25 GMT -8
Im not sure if this is the right place to post this but I had a breakthrough in therapy tonight and I wanted to share it with the board because I think many people can benefit from knowing this.
One of the benefits to being a psychology major is that my therapist can talk a bit more freely and openly about different psychological theories during our therapy. The drawback is that though I know many ideas and principles I am no expert and find myself diagnosing myself all the time, more times than not inaccurately.
We were talking about a particular Freudian theory that states something along the lines of many toxic relationships that we create, maintain, and fail to get out of are recreations of more important, longer standing relationships (i.e. mother, father). Many times the abuse we take from our POA is identical if not extremely similar to the way our parent's treated us.
This I already knew. However, what I did not know was that this theory also states there are two main reasons that we continuously subject ourselves to this abuse.
1. If I can conquer this toxic relationship (POA) then surely I must be able to conquer my other toxic relationships (mother,father). Surely this means everything my mother/father said about me was wrong.
2. If I cant conquer this toxic relationship then everything (mother,father) said about me was true. And that I am destined for a lifetime of these types of relationships to with the people that "matter" to me.
I may be missing some points, and I may be stating the obvious, but that idea resonated so deeply in me. I have a relationship with my father that is almost identical to the one I had with my POA. No matter how much good I did, I always had to prove myself by doing more. 26 years old, yet treated like a baby in many ways. Neither could ever accept that they were more wrong than me, and always justified their actions. Very do as I say not as I do. Big time hypocrites. And ironically, in the end, my POA was basically just a provider of random purchases, much the way my father is. So, surely on a unconscious level I was trying to win the battle with my POA to prove all the stuff my dad put me through was invalid. Now I just know they are both screwed up. the only difference is my father is my blood and I have an obligation to make our relationship better. my POA is a POS and deserves the short end of the stick she is going get in life.
Also, very briefly. My mother basically walked out on my brother and I when I was 12 and he was 8. She was no parent for many years, and only served as brief talk support when I needed to speak to somebody. And yet, I am still here, in many senses hoping she is going to become a mother again. I now know that is an unrealistic expectation and have learned to accept what is available to me and build whatever type of relationship I can from that. But in many senses the same thing held true for my POA. At one point relinquished all of her responsibilities as a girlfriend to me and did the absolute bare minimum. I still held on thinking that that would change in that aspect as well.
Well, there's is my rant. Thoughts?
One of the benefits to being a psychology major is that my therapist can talk a bit more freely and openly about different psychological theories during our therapy. The drawback is that though I know many ideas and principles I am no expert and find myself diagnosing myself all the time, more times than not inaccurately.
We were talking about a particular Freudian theory that states something along the lines of many toxic relationships that we create, maintain, and fail to get out of are recreations of more important, longer standing relationships (i.e. mother, father). Many times the abuse we take from our POA is identical if not extremely similar to the way our parent's treated us.
This I already knew. However, what I did not know was that this theory also states there are two main reasons that we continuously subject ourselves to this abuse.
1. If I can conquer this toxic relationship (POA) then surely I must be able to conquer my other toxic relationships (mother,father). Surely this means everything my mother/father said about me was wrong.
2. If I cant conquer this toxic relationship then everything (mother,father) said about me was true. And that I am destined for a lifetime of these types of relationships to with the people that "matter" to me.
I may be missing some points, and I may be stating the obvious, but that idea resonated so deeply in me. I have a relationship with my father that is almost identical to the one I had with my POA. No matter how much good I did, I always had to prove myself by doing more. 26 years old, yet treated like a baby in many ways. Neither could ever accept that they were more wrong than me, and always justified their actions. Very do as I say not as I do. Big time hypocrites. And ironically, in the end, my POA was basically just a provider of random purchases, much the way my father is. So, surely on a unconscious level I was trying to win the battle with my POA to prove all the stuff my dad put me through was invalid. Now I just know they are both screwed up. the only difference is my father is my blood and I have an obligation to make our relationship better. my POA is a POS and deserves the short end of the stick she is going get in life.
Also, very briefly. My mother basically walked out on my brother and I when I was 12 and he was 8. She was no parent for many years, and only served as brief talk support when I needed to speak to somebody. And yet, I am still here, in many senses hoping she is going to become a mother again. I now know that is an unrealistic expectation and have learned to accept what is available to me and build whatever type of relationship I can from that. But in many senses the same thing held true for my POA. At one point relinquished all of her responsibilities as a girlfriend to me and did the absolute bare minimum. I still held on thinking that that would change in that aspect as well.
Well, there's is my rant. Thoughts?