Inverted Narcissism

good article bklynrn

I liked this entire article....what stood out for me is this paragraph..

Identifying with labels and identifying ourselves as a victim doesn’t serve us in our growth. The only way that any of us will truly thrive in our lives is to embark on the spiritual journey of inner growth and transformation. We must delve deeply into the darkness that contains our fears, and our feelings of inadequacy. We must be willing to walk through the pain instead of find coping mechanisms to avoid it. We must be willing to open our hearts to love even if we fear being hurt. We must be willing to look towards the light, even when we are in our greatest darkness. Because it is the light that causes us to grow and when we push through the earth and bloom into our full potential, we will realize it was well worth the journey.
Awesome and well said....For me this was the hardest part....because i had to relive my childhood all over again.....but this time i was abstinent from my drug of choice and i finally embraced my higher power into my life...i could not have done this with him....by the Grace of God ..it does work if and when we work it....and that is the truth.....I am so glad I am one of the chosen ones. to do God 's will.....many are called few are choosen....WE CAN HONESTY DO THIS TOGETHER...One day at a time..Sun

This is so timely for me to read- THANK-YOU BKLYN!!!!!!
There are several paragraphs that jump out at me. This one, talking about the shock for us of still carrying pain around after the end of the relationship:

"There are many reasons the pain didn’t go away. One is that part of the pain belongs to us. Another reason is we have taken on his repressed pain and believe it belongs to us, which is still our problem, and another part of our pain is that we feel we have failed again to right the wrongs of our past. There is a core belief that we will never have the love we want and it causes us to feel hopeless. There are other factors as well such as the numbing that can happen when we are subject to constant abuse and when we leave the situation we begin to feel what we never allowed ourselves to feel within the relationship. So we can become overwhelmed with painful emotion that comes from being subject to constant abuse. But even so, it is our painful emotion and we are the ones who have to deal with it."

And this:

"The first step in healing is to stop identifying yourself with a label. Use the criteria as a launching pad for your growth. When you can go back over the list and realize that many of those criteria don’t really apply to you anymore, then you can see where you have grown. For example, a narcissist who makes it a priority to learn how to walk in someone else’s shoes has embarked upon a journey that can be more difficult than a child learning to walk in his own shoes, but it can be done. Simply by setting the intention and being willing to do the work will create change. Anyone who is willing to see their own responsibility in what is created in their life can change."

This is so important. I think everyone on this board should read this. I think I should read this every day. The whole page reads to me like the first time I ever read something about co-dependency. I remember where I was, lying in bed in my studio with pamphlets about CoDA and a book. Suddenly, like the dawning of a new day, I saw myself in a whole new light, all my pain made sense.

Especially how I am drawn to a narcissist (because that's my only blue-print from childhood) but not happy with them, and only drawn to narcissists, so never happy in relationships. I am aware of nice men around me, kind hearted men who are respectful and mature, and I almost don't even place them into a category of potential mates for myself...straight away I project how I would be bored with them, not respect them (after all, if they love me there must be something wrong with them), feel unsatisfied. It's a bit depressing. But this article is the call to arms. What it's saying is this is my pain and I must face it and stop blaming my parents or my ex for it.

I love how it's also saying that there is no point sticking with these labels and feeling like there's something wrong with me. Here's the third paragraph that jumped out:

"However I believe this is just another label that serves to keep one trapped in the continuing believe that there is something terribly wrong with them. The feeling that you are rotten to the core is called shame! Shame wears many faces but has the underlying sense that there is something wrong with you."

This is a very hard day for me, and an important one. There is a significant event happening from my past and I woke at 3am to face up to it, having totally blocked it out of my mind yesterday.

My first response, after the swirling pull of wanting to connect with the person, which is off the agenda, doubting my resolve to not contact this person today, BIGTIME doubt there, like it means I'm being cut-off, hard-hearted, unfeeling, out-of-touch, the next impulse was to call my counsellor, which would be rather impossible today, I think. So I see it is time to stand on my own two feet.

Thanks for being the vehicle of my higher power tonight/today by bringing this to me when I was really feeling in need. I will come back here if I need it again. Although the great thing is I will be working for a client ALL day and then off to a CoDA meeting STRAIGHT AWAY. I'm actually feeling kind of excited now about how this day is going for me! I hope I'm not crazy.

The thing is that yesterday I had an enormous shift. Sorry, I need a new post for this. Thanks again bklyn.

Below is the last paragraph in this article--The most painful part of recovery for me was feeling the pain--head on--I'm still working on some issues but I finally realize that I can't just acknowledge my past--I need to actually FEEL it too

''The only way that any of us will truly thrive in our lives is to embark on the spiritual journey of inner growth and transformation. We must delve deeply into the darkness that contains our fears, and our feelings of inadequacy. We must be willing to walk through the pain instead of find coping mechanisms to avoid it. We must be willing to open our hearts to love even if we fear being hurt. We must be willing to look towards the light, even when we are in our greatest darkness. Because it is the light that causes us to grow and when we push through the earth and bloom into our full potential, we will realize it was well worth the journey.''

Wow, I have bookmarked this article.