I'm now somone's POA

carolyn
I am sorry you got whacked. rejection is a huge trigger for me. You have been clear all along you don't want this man and you have worked hard to let go. Even though rejection hurts it is only pain and you have tools to stop the obsession. It is difficult work and when the triggers happen we have to dig in and work hard at letting go.
Whatever you can do to take care of yourself, simple kind things thoughts and any place you can add in fun, exercise meditation.
I know it feels like betrayal, but remember this is about your life and has nothing to do with him.
hugs to you.

great for you Carolyn! It is great to work the program, fourth steps are powerful for me to see what is my part in any situation and it does bring the "thinking" brain back on line.
I know for me just finding out through a third party that he had moved on (even though I was the one that ended it) made me a little nuts for a few days, so no doubt hearing directly from him would be devastating.
But remember he has not changed, you are not the one involved with an unavailable person. You will be able to love yourself and enjoy your life no matter who is or is not with you.
Take in and enjoy your own progress set backs and all, you are working your program and that takes initiative, self love and courage!
Big hugs to you!

Wow - Carolyn, I couldn't have that any better myself. That is EXACTLY the way I feel, too. Thanks for the reminder.

luv, that is what iam talking about, and is why we have to set our values, i know i cant be with anyone who drinks, im only fooling myself if i say i can, one kiss with alcohol on his breath, would probably cause me to relapse, i dont want that...and i see i was trying to make my poa change for me, i was trying to make him the person i wanted, instead of just enjoying who he was, so i was trying to play god again, and it does not work, and we will probably do this many many times in recovery as well, but as we grow in our recovery, we will not just settle in order to have a man in our life.
It is the same with you and smoking, there are alot of people who dont smoke, as well as people who dont drink, we just have not met them yet.
Good insight....

*sigh* It's not over! I am near tears with frustration...I am soo mad at myself. All I had to do was listen to my inner voice tell me not to get to know this man any further...I KNEW there was something not right. BUT NOOOO....I gave in to the attention *as admitted in this original post* UGH, UGH , UGH...I wish i could tell the WHOLE story, but I have decided to respect his privacy, even though he won't respect my right to be left alone.

Anyway, I did listen to my gut in some ways, I took my time in some things. I have an OLD fb account that I used to correspond with him on. I didn't know him well enough to give him access to my current one, nor did he know I had it ( well he did from googling me) but anyway, I digress, so after my email block finally went through, I logged onto that old fb account to get some of my pics and upload to my pc when i see a msg from him. He even states that he wrote me there because he didnt think his emails where coming through....ugh!!!

Don't ya think if ur emails aren't going through then I don't want your FB messages going through either?? He did the same thing when he thought I blocked his phone number, he said he used his cousins ""in case u blocked me"....wow...and to think he doesn't believe that he has a problem...

Anyway, I know it seems as though I have no compassion for him ans I should, especially knowing how it is since I have been there, but it is honestly so disturbing to me, all I feel now is anger towards him and myself. I used to feel sympathy, I used to feel bad for him, but he refuses to admit he has a problem, which means he refuses to get help. Well.... there's nothing i can do for someone who doesn't want to face reality, so therefore, my life continues to be offset because i have no idea who he really is.

I feel scared of a person who will go through such lengths just to contact me, when I clearly don't want to be contacted. I am even more scared because i have no idea who he is. I've never met this person, never even spoke on the phone. All i know is what he has told me, which was very elusive, a very elusive name, what I believe to be fake pictures, no other friends on his fb( he says his old accnt was deleted) could be true...but that still doesn't help me know who you are.....

travels internationally all the time so there's no way for me to pin point his location. He could be a woman for all I know. I HAVE NO IDEA WHO HE IS...and he knows what seems to be everything about me, even though i took precautions to limit my info ( used a new email address to correspond, old fb page, only gave him my middle name, didn't even give him my city when he asked......yet he knows all those things anyway...... and every time i think it's over BAM.....another message.....


Ughhh I'm sooooo upset right now!!!!!

BW, alot of what your talking about is how my poa did me, and i could not get him to stop, this is why it did no good to block him, he would just get a new phone and call from that number.. (psycho).
Something that might help, tell him your going to the police and the phone companies and internet providers and file a stalking and harrassment charges against him.
I was not totally aware of this, but i was his poa, and he was stalking and harrassing me. My crazy thoughts was oooh he really loves me.
Just be aware, yes it is scary when you think about it. creepy.

BW, yes he sounds like he has some serious boundary issues. i just would not even acknowledge him at all, if you can.
Hang in there.
I know it is upsetting to you.
Men why do they feel it is there right...you say no, and they think you really mean yes.

butterfly
if you still feel guilty about setting and sticking to your boundaries (like no smoking) then dig in deeper to working on yourself. Get your self esteem boosted, develop your life and self and then it will be easier, actually a no brainer, to hold to your values.
Its like I was taught I had to like everyone, everyone had to like me so I had to shape shift to meet someone else's wants. But the reality is if I am authentically me then there are things, and behaviors that reflect me and my likes/dislikes etc. and these define me. In otherwords you really want to value your own uniqueness.
The more you know yourself, the more you hold to what matters most to you, the more you will listen to your gut.

LUV, it's an excellent suggestion to block him, you'd be surprised that I have tried to block him, I was successful in doing so on my phone, but with email I block him and the emails were still getting through, I even canceled or closed the account but they were still getting through. For facebook, he would cancel his acct so I wasnt able to block him because the persons account has to be valid in order to do so. It has truly been like trying to tame water, it always slips through the cracks. I have not given him any indication that I want this to contianue, in any way shape or form, and a threat from the authorities didn't stop him either. Sometimes the POA does keep us dangled on their line of hope, but this was not the case here.

I've found some other things to stop him from contacting me, HOPEFULLY they work.

Believe me, I've been nothing but clear that this is not wanted.

Requin, I have no idea, I followed the instructions and yet still, his emails kept getting through, so I tried to just block his email address, it still went through, I was so confused I even asked HIM how come it wasn't working. It was hotmail, but eventually the block went through, maybe it just took time, I don't know.