|
Post by Loving My Life on Mar 29, 2012 7:57:07 GMT -8
I would like to share this from my morning meditation, In Gods Care...this hits home for me...I never wanted to ask for help, but in growing in my recovery i have humbled myself and I will reach out and ask for help, and I will also see what others are doing, so i dont feel lonely & isolated. So here is the meditation: We are born HELPLESS. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover LONELINESS. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves. People today are taught at an early age to be self-sufficient. Independence is considered a strength & dependence a weakness. As a result, we come to believe, that we can make it on our own. And we can, but at what cost? Many of us fill our loneliness with chemical substances. Humans are social creatures, we need each other for physical & emotional support, and for a healthy exchange of ideas. (meetings) Even more, we need each other for spiritual development. Our HP loves us equally & often speaks to us through one another. We truly learn about our spiritual nature in the loving acts we exchange. Iam never lonely when showing someone that I care. Enjoy your life today, just as you are.... Have a grateful day. ;-)
|
|
|
Post by sunflwrs4evr on Mar 29, 2012 20:05:32 GMT -8
thanks Carolyn....great....morning meditation... For me asking for help was the most difficult thing to ever do....i guess because i learned to do everything myself....that was all about self will...Sun
|
|
|
Post by bklynrn on Mar 30, 2012 14:08:23 GMT -8
Thank you for sharing this Carolyn. I still have to remind myself to ask for help. It's difficult at times but it does free me from the internal loneliness when I do reach out.
|
|
|
Post by brainhealth on Mar 30, 2012 14:37:59 GMT -8
Interesting post carolyn. Some observations:
1) Meditation:- havent done this for a while - but , is this not designed to make one self sufficient? One with the universe? Negate the need to need someone?
2) Born helpless occurs to all of us. Is it not what happens during our nurturing which has messed most of us on this board up? I agree that making us independent too early can handicap us later - hence our addictive disease.
3) Higher power:- The Jews learnt a very valuable lesson in the last century in trusting in their higher power:- 6 million of them were murdered by the Nazis. I do seriously have a major problem with this higher power thing. Those of us in the Jewish /Christian ethos learnt that the Jews were the chosen race (whatever that meant). I interpreted this that God was their best friend. Some best friend this higher power was. If that is what is meant by higher power, well, I never , ever, ever want to meet that higher power in any form.
Sorry Carolyn for cramping your style. But, I do believe that the inner child work is the most important process that any of us can engage with. Waiting for the higher power to save us, well, my comments above have dealt with that. I believe that inner child work will help us to release the Spock in all of us. I do also believe in the curative benefits of meditation/yoga/tai chi/Qi Gong. But all of these processes lead to one end - empowering us to start holding the reins again, thereby controlling our addiction disease and consigning it to the trash bin.
|
|
|
Post by bklynrn on Mar 30, 2012 15:13:48 GMT -8
I'm totally with you on the Inner child work Brainhealth
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Mar 30, 2012 15:18:31 GMT -8
Brain, there is nothing to be sorry about, I posted this from my morning meditation for anyone who needed to hear this. You can remove God and HP, and still read it. I was really pointing out the need to ask for help when it is needed, and to not isolate, it is good to be around other people. My HP is God. iam not trying to push my beliefs on anyone, and I do respect everyone elses beliefs, in whoever & whatever that might be, even if they can only believe in themselves, just believe you can recover. Iam also getting more knowledgeable meditation, and it does calm my mind & body...and i do comfort my inner child when she is hurting, but we still need others in our life, healthy people. No apology is necessary.
|
|
|
Post by maxheadcase on Mar 30, 2012 15:53:45 GMT -8
My inner child still keeps kicking me in the shin and running off into a fog...little bahsterd I'll get him one of these days. I've noticed the deep slow breathing taken from meditation calms me down a lot when thoughts of POA creep into my mind and than I focus that much harder on whatever I am doing at the moment. Honestly, those two months away from my POA did some wonder for me, yeah I saw her last weekend, but during those two months away, two months filled with misery, sadness, confusion, loss, anxiety, loneliness, woe is me, anger, hate, etc, etc...it slowly sinks in...life goes on...it is what we make of it. We all tend to make our lives harder because of this wretched addiction, by swaying off course here and there, breaking no contact, breaking no physical contact, we hit so many speed bumps in the road along the way to getting healthy and finding some normalcy in our lives again. It's Friday! I'm happy! My mind is slowly healing from the insanity of 24/7 obsessive thoughts. I no longer dread the weekends like I did a month ago!!!! Something has sunk in. Two steps forward!!! You all have a great weekend. I will NOT fall into the abyss again! ONE DAY AT A TIME!
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Mar 30, 2012 16:08:56 GMT -8
max, iam glad to hear your doing good, and still working on your recovery. Tell your inner child to sit down and behave himself. But yes meditate calm my thoughts also, and im more at peace. So hang in there. You have a wonderful weekend also. Ommmm
|
|
|
Post by brainhealth on Apr 1, 2012 4:12:06 GMT -8
Max/Carolyn,
You both seem to have found a common thread for working through this thing. Carolyn, you do the meditation , Max, you the breathing exercise. Believe it or not both meditation and breathing exercises are part of a group of exercises that with yoga are designed to slow down the heart beat, lower blood pressure and calm the mind. These exercises are natures equivalent to the Xanax family of tranqs. The trick is, getting to the point that one can actually motivate oneself to participate in the exercise. I have experienced great release from sessions of dbreathing exercises, yoga, & Qi Gong(like tai chi). I have also a book (currently on loan to a friend) written by an Irish doctor who postulates that breathing exercises are designed to cure many of our illnesses as it triggers "sell healing properties" to be released by our brains to deal with the ailment.This does sound far fetched, however if you think about it, a good session of meditation or breathing give you a sense of well being for a while which I'm sure both of you have experienced. If that feeling of well being is but the start, then perhaps this Irish doctor really has something to say.
|
|
|
Post by brainhealth on Apr 1, 2012 4:14:32 GMT -8
Eratta.
Above post refers:- ....exercises are designed to cure many of our illnesses as it triggers " self -healing properties".......................
|
|
Phoenix43
Junior Member
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0X5EeMBH20
Posts: 69
|
Post by Phoenix43 on Apr 6, 2013 2:31:46 GMT -8
I just read this old chain on loneliness, which is one of my major issues. In particular, I relate to the point of view of brainhealth. A lot of material on addiction is explicitly religious, talking about a Higher Power. For non-religious people like me, it's just not accessible. I don't have the option of escaping loneliness by believing that there's some kind of higher power always with me (OK, in theory I could get religion, but that would be totally changing who I am). If you don't believe in a higher power, you have to find inner power. In my view, it's a harder way.
|
|
|
Post by yorkshire on Apr 6, 2013 3:53:50 GMT -8
Phoenix I too do not have religion in my life but I am still comfortable with the idea of a Higher Power. I believe that my Higher Power is actually myself....a part of me that I have neglected and repressed in my quest for approval and love from others. I find that an empowering thought and makes me feel positive about my recovery. It's in me to be healthy, my journey is to reconnect with that part of me.....
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Apr 6, 2013 4:21:00 GMT -8
It is not a requirement to believe in God or a Higher Power in order to recover. Just believe you can recover.
|
|
|
Post by lilila on Apr 6, 2013 20:21:11 GMT -8
Brainhealth I´m not particularly religious (though opening up to a HP has helped me through all this) but as for your example, I´ve always thought the holocaust ocurred when toxic took over and the population just surrendered to it. Does that make sense? I´m not trying to make this into a theological discussion, I just wanted to mention how I´ve dealt with those questions. For me, life is much better once I learned to give things over to my HP.
|
|
|
Post by Loveanimals on Apr 6, 2013 20:35:05 GMT -8
I can relate to the loneliness during the first month of withdrawal.
I was used to hours of text from my POA, as well as from other guys throughout the day and night. Then to shut all of that off was like sending me off on a deserted island. I wanted to scream and cry and felt so alone. Praying did help. Massage helped because I miss human touch.
|
|
Phoenix43
Junior Member
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0X5EeMBH20
Posts: 69
|
Post by Phoenix43 on Apr 13, 2013 9:32:48 GMT -8
Ferling very lonely today. My problem is that I need to feel intimate with somebody in order not to feel lonely. Ordinary social life is not enough. I went out last night for a drink with some people from work, and I still felt lonely while chatting with them. By intimate I don't necessarily mean physically intimate. I feel OK with good friends. But superficial socialising doesn't do it for me. The loneliness is something deep inside. The main reason for wanting a relationship is so that I never need to feel lonely again.
|
|
mrockmiss
Full Member
Newcomer Greeter
Posts: 181
|
Post by mrockmiss on Apr 13, 2013 19:21:34 GMT -8
Dear Phoenix, I feel the exact same way. You are in withdrawal. That is the main dilemma of all love addicts. We all feel lonely. Recovery is feeling whole and being okay on our own. That kind of loneliness is what drives me to get into relationships. You sound so much like me. I am lonely too. I totally understand. I really want to get healthy. I know with how I am if I go looking for another person it will be unhealthy again. I have been doing this since I separated and divorced from my ex almost 5 years ago. I don't believe that everyone on the dating sites is bad. I was on there and I never looked at income. I wouldn't go for too good looking either, lol. I always saw that as a bad thing because I know how insecure I am. BUT don't get me wrong, it is a bad bad place for us being love addicts. LovelyJune always says, water seeks it's own level. We will only attract unhealthy people as long as we are that way. Also, even if we do meet a good one we would probably drive them away. It will get easier. Stay strong and give yourself some time. You deserve that! I think it is possible to for us to recover and have healthy relationships but, it starts with some work on ourselves. I happen to need a lot! Glad you are on here
|
|
Phoenix43
Junior Member
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0X5EeMBH20
Posts: 69
|
Post by Phoenix43 on Apr 14, 2013 3:23:35 GMT -8
I think that a sense of loneliness, and fear of being alone, is at the heart of the peronality of an LA. It's a fundamental issue for us. But the loneliness is inside us. We are looking for someone to fill a hole inside us, which they cannot possibly do. We have to repair the inner damage first. It's tough but necessary.
|
|
|
Post by Loving My Life on Apr 14, 2013 5:31:30 GMT -8
When we are looking for others to fill a void within ourselves, and focusing on higher powers and religions and such as this it is only a diversion from having to really look within ourselves to find the real issue, and we are the only ones who can love ourselves first.
When we are alone and we are feeling like the world is just passing us by, this is when we need to start journaling, and writing out our feelings, and really digging deep to see why we are feeling the way we are feeling. Until we can identify what is going on within ourselves, we will never be able to begin to heal. We will always find a diversion from ourselves.
And start a daily gratitude list, and add to that list daily, and start to change your thinking, think about positive things, this will also help us to see the glass half full instead of half empty.
We want the easier softer way, but this is not going to help us recover.
And instead of trying to see where you are different from others in recovery, try and see where you can identify with others. Because believe it or not, we are more alike than we are different. We want to think we are unique, and no one has been thru what the others have been thru..but this is not always the case, our stories might be different, but our pain is the same.
I was feeling sad last night, not lonely....
|
|