Post by austinpisces on Apr 18, 2012 9:11:59 GMT -8
Is anybody else struggling with feeling like they don't have a right to be alive?
I realized not too long ago that that seems to be a thought that resurfaces with me from time to time.
I don't ever know if I am still stuck on my "father issues" - he left before I was born and to this day refuses to acknowledge me as his daughter.
I had lived with this fantasy that one day we'd meet each other and have this great loving parent/child relationship, until I made contact with him around age 20.
Also, my grandmother mainly raised me for the first 6 years, felt unwanted and unappreciated by her, especially when compared to how she treated my cousins.
Mom was always busy working, and stepdad (who came into my life at age 6) not someone I ever felt close to or could talk to.
Even though I've tried to examine parts of what I've written there for decades, I only now know that this is what's led to my repeated failed attempts at relationships.
Somehow I also feel I should be apologetic or "make less of a big deal" about what I mentioned above on here. Ugh, so many feelings to address!
I realized not too long ago that that seems to be a thought that resurfaces with me from time to time.
I don't ever know if I am still stuck on my "father issues" - he left before I was born and to this day refuses to acknowledge me as his daughter.
I had lived with this fantasy that one day we'd meet each other and have this great loving parent/child relationship, until I made contact with him around age 20.
Also, my grandmother mainly raised me for the first 6 years, felt unwanted and unappreciated by her, especially when compared to how she treated my cousins.
Mom was always busy working, and stepdad (who came into my life at age 6) not someone I ever felt close to or could talk to.
Even though I've tried to examine parts of what I've written there for decades, I only now know that this is what's led to my repeated failed attempts at relationships.
Somehow I also feel I should be apologetic or "make less of a big deal" about what I mentioned above on here. Ugh, so many feelings to address!
