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Post by overcome on May 10, 2012 0:59:01 GMT -8
I wasn't sure what topic this was best to ask under...but thought this might be a good fit. I've seen these terms in a couple of places like SLAA website, but elsewhere too. And I'm wondering what it means exactly. I haven't been able to find anywhere that actually defines it clearly. I've seen it together or just 'romantic intrigue'.
Could someone explain?
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Post by bklynrn on May 10, 2012 2:51:04 GMT -8
The intrigue portion is self explanatory--to keep someone interested. Arouse the curiosity. In the cycle of Love Addicts, It can be used as a hook--to pull someone in. The key word being arouse if you ask me. Love addicts thrive on intense levels of arousal
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Post by Havefaith on May 10, 2012 3:54:06 GMT -8
SLAA has an excellent pamphlet describing romantic obsession/intrigue: ebookbrowse.com/romantic-obsession-doc-d144899971When we indulge in romantic intrigue or obsession, we are delving into magical thinking and reality fades into the background. That is NOT a good place for the addict to find him/herself. HaveFaith |
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Post by overcome on May 12, 2012 5:21:16 GMT -8
Thank you everyone for your responses. Can I just get a bit more clarification so I understand correctly?: Living in a fantasy life where none actually exists. Trying to make a reality out of it. For example, my long-term obsession with a POA I met decades ago, but never actually dated. Loved him from afar and attached all these qualities to him that only existed in my own fantasy world. Attempted to make contact with him, but when he didn't respond as I liked, I basically ignored that fact and kept making the fantasy real in my head that he really did love me on a spiritual level. When you say love them from afar, does this mean you don't have any kind of relationship with them? Or just that they don't know? Like if they are a friend or co-worker, for example. Because if it's a celebrity or someone who doesn't know your name - that seems like it's a different issue. That is very magical thinking and somewhat delusional. Whereas if someone is a friend and it's somewhat a forbidden desire (maybe the POA is dating your best friend, for instance..or gay when you are straight) - then it's kind of a crush - gone too far if you are thinking about it all the time. I guess I'm just wondering if it still fits if yes, you know you are obsessive about it by fantasizing too much, but you do know that nothing will ever happen and you aren't going to even try. It's painful for you, but you still maintain the appropriate relationship with your POA, given the context it was formed in. The intrigue portion is self explanatory--to keep someone interested. Arouse the curiosity. In the cycle of Love Addicts, It can be used as a hook--to pull someone in. The key word being arouse if you ask me. Love addicts thrive on intense levels of arousal In regards to this, wouldn't anybody try to arouse curiousity in someone they are interested in? Is this only considered unhealthy if you are trying to intrigue someone you know you can't have? How is this any different from a bunch of teenage guys trying to impress a girl nearby they all know will never like any of them back? In many cases, the girl isn't even aware they are trying to impress her. That's considered 'cute' behavior. So how is this considered so unhealthy in this situation? If you are into someone, of course, you are going to try to impress them...regardless of whether you can date them or not. Even strangers do this on a one-time basis if they are near someone they find attractive. I guess I'm just wondering if these terms are reserved for people who are doing outrageous acts of intrigue, like buying a car they can't afford to impress, etc... |
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