Post by fluffybunny on Sept 5, 2008 21:49:44 GMT -8
I don't really understand what folks mean when they talk about a relationship with their HP. I try but I don't feel anything "out there". I do feel peace and an expansive presence in meditation at times, so lately I decided to look for peaceful feelings inside. For several days it was easy to find. I didn't really meditate, I just checked in during the off moments of the day, driving in the car, walking, even little moments while reading or working. It felt there was a little river of peace flowing, and I could choose to nurture myself by tapping into that feeling periodically.
After a few days it stopped flowing. I looked inside and all I found were fear and sadness. With some effort I could find some compassion under the sadness. The compassion felt like it was related to the peace, although not the same feeling.
Today I'm having trouble finding anything. Maybe it's in there but I don't have the patience to go through the layers of fear and upset and junk to find it. It seems like too much work, as though I'd rather just stay in mildly suffering auto-pilot mode like normal.
I don't know if looking for special feelings is even the right approach. I feel like I'm lost in a strange land without a guidebook.
Can anyone share experiences with developing spirituality?
hey FB, It sounds like you're half way there! The only thing i would suggest as far as "searching for peaceful feelings" is to acknowledge that they won't be there all the time. Life is mostly wrought with stress and suffering, unfortunately. And so it is nearly impossible to live without the full spectrum of emotions (fear, anger, sadness, happiness etc.). And sometimes, when we are in a lot of pain, we try to avoid it by meditating on the peacefulness. But meditation though the pain is helpful too, which basically means that you allow yourself to feel ALL your feelings, instead of searching for just one.
I too have trouble with the notion of having a relationship with "my" HP. My idea of God has changed so much over the course of my life (40 years!) that now i simply look to nature as my source of spirituality. I also like to think sometimes of how silly every one is and how ignorant they can be to believe our whole existence is based on evolution. Evolution in and of itself is a MIRACLE. And who or what planted the very first seed that sparked creation? Who or what created the space and time needed to develop the big bang? I actually read an article the other day that stated, (and i quote, directly, Harper's Magazine): "There is evidence of time before the Big Bang."
Anyway, my struggling relationship with my HP is based on the miracle of life and how we got here and what our "purpose" might be. I am now beginning to move in the way of Buddhist philosophy and meditation. It's one of the most peaceful religions I know.
Post by fluffybunny on Sept 6, 2008 11:30:24 GMT -8
Hi Telmita, I agree completely about evolution. My last boyfriend was one of those people who believed life was all just an accident arising out of chemicals combining randomly. I would look at him and say "Yes, but why were the chemicals there in the first place? It's a huge mystery."
I am sad to admit I put my interest in spirituality aside while I was with him. I let his its-all-explainable-with-rationality perspective make me doubt my own values and beliefs.
Well, I don't exactly have beliefs, mostly questions
I understand your point about feeling all emotions. I do sit with pain, and delve into pain. But recently I got the radical idea that it might make sense to try and cultivate some good feelings. OK, it wasn't entirely my idea. My therapist has been having me do a little exercise of trying to find and "grow" good feelings using a visualization. I feel less victimized when I believe I can choose to feel good feelings. So, I thought I'd try to apply that with feeling a spiritual connection as well.
Post by Susan Peabody on Sept 6, 2008 12:34:12 GMT -8
I was an agnostic when I got sober 25 years ago. I joined AA which was very spiritual back then. I had a spiritual awakening. It happened quickly but once it was over I was a believer. I do not know how to have a spiritual awakening because to me it was a gift from God, but it may have helped that I surrounded myself with spiritual people, memorized several prayers. starting talking to God "as if" God were were real. LAA has 12 Spiritual Disciplines on the website. Practice them. In my book Addiction to Love I have a whole chapter on now "beginners" can find spirituality. Oh! I almost forgot. I read tons of books about spirituality. Today my belief in God is very strong and sustains my recovery. That is why LAA is a 12-Step program and not a Self-Help Program.
I believed since allowing the higher power to enter into my life...I finally found more peace in myself. I learn to forgive the people that hurt me the most including my friends, families, and most importantly learn to forgive myself!
I still have a lot of work to do and is hesitant and cautious about everything...BUT the most important thing is that I have PEACE in my life. I believe that everything will be okay and that the lord has my back. It's a good feeling when you know that someone loves you unconditionally eventhough you don't deserve their love at times...and that's how I feel about the lord, he's always been patient with me and consistently works with me no matter how much I tend to pull away from him. I feel his presence when I'm alone and I also feel his presence when I'm surrounded by people.
Thank You Lord for loving me and always being there for me...
For one I start my morning with a few slow prayers-being conscious of the words. In between storms I went out for an early morning walk up many hills and said good morning to just about everyone I came into contact with. I didn't have any expectations, and didn't just choose attractive women (looking for validation) like I used to. The result is I get out of my head and all of my obsessive thoughts and instead feel apart of the world and feel a spiritual connection with all those around me.
Hey Green Eyes...I do that too...sometimes look for validation based on how many looks I'm getting from men..in a restaurant, super market, book store...wherever. It's something I am aware of and something I am working on. Why do we do this? I wish I knew why it mattered so much? Is it because of the media constantly bombarding us with "beautiful" people. We all have so much worth inside of us - it shouldn't matter what's on the outside - especially in every day life, outside our romantic connections.
Anyway, something to think about. I also always find solace in nature.
“Be not the slave of your own past-plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience, that shall explain and overlook the old.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
I do this as well but not as much these days. I actually am AVOIDING such situations as I realised that I was addicted to the validation as I was to the person/s POAs. I actually experienced a great deal of detox anxiety but now it isn't as bad.
Unfortunately society has a tendency to push us in this direction but it is up to us to deal with it. We cannot be forever blaming 'what is out there!' on how we feel.
It is ok to look good, it is ok to take pride in your appearance but we feed our disease when we look for validation in others.
Am getting there too!
"Love doesn't have to hurt - If someone loves you, it should feel like they love you!"