Leah
New Member
Posts: 26
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Post by Leah on Jun 10, 2012 8:20:34 GMT -8
I got this email from another fellowship and found it to be really really helpful!!
Some differences between Healthy love & Addictive love
1) Healthy love develops after we feel secure. Addictive love tries to create love even though we feel frightened and insecure.
2) Healthy love comes from feeling full. We overflow with love. Addictive love is always trying to fill an inner void.
3) Healthy love begins with loving ourselves being the lover we think we need. Addictive love tries to avoid looking at ourselves and always seeks to get love from that "special someone"
4) Healthy love is based on our ability to love and trust ourselves and hence others. Addictive love seeks sex and romance outside, precisely because we feel empty inside, and don't trust ourselves or others.
5) Healthy love allows us to be vulnerable because we feel secure inside. Addictive love is based on a shaky foundation. We feel we must protect ourselves.
6) Healthy love grows slowly like a tree. Addictive love grows fast, as if by magic, like those children’s animals that expand instantly when we add water.
7) Healthy love thrives on time alone as well as time without partner. Addictive love is being frightened of being alone
8) Healthy love teaches me to value my own company. Addictive love is tense and combative.
9) Healthy love flows out. Addictive love caves in.
10) Healthy love creates a deeper sense of ourselves the longer we are in love. Addictive love creates a loss of self the longer we are together.
11) Healthy love gets easier as time goes on. Addictive love requires more effort as time goes on.
12) Healthy love is like rowing across a gentle lake. Addictive love is like being swept away down a raging river.
13) Healthy love is satisfied with the partner we have. Addictive love is always looking for more or better.
14) Healthy love teaches that we can only make ourselves happy. Addictive love expects the other person to make us happy and demands that we try and make them happy.
15) Healthy love creates life. Addictive love creates melodramas.
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Post by Loveanimals on Jun 10, 2012 10:26:27 GMT -8
Great post! Many times I wonder how friends find healthy love but I only find addictive love.
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Post by Loving My Life on Jun 10, 2012 11:21:39 GMT -8
leah, thanks for sharing this, it is good too be reminded of these differences in relationships.
BRD..when we are not healthy ourselves, we dont attract healthy people. When we start too recover and learn to love ourselves first, we will begin to notice unhealthy people.
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Post by maxheadcase on Jun 10, 2012 11:38:05 GMT -8
Great post. The list can also be valuable with friendships too. I'm getting close to cleaning house of a couple of friends who can be fun at times yet also can be very annoying when they drink which seems to be 85% of the time. Carolyn you make a good point! When we are not healthy, we don't attract healthy people. I suppose on the same hand other unhealthy people seem to be attracted to other unhealthy people and lives are filled with these types of people. It would be nice to one day be healthy both physically and mentally and attract a healthy woman who is able to reciprocate feelings, is trustworthy and honest. Some day Max...some day.  |
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Post by maxheadcase on Jun 10, 2012 11:41:44 GMT -8
#'s 5 and 10 have been so me. I've held back alot in relationship/friendship with POA as to protect myself. Didn't want to invest too much time with her or get completely attached to her daughter like I did in the past knowing it was an unhealthy situation for me. I kind of have lost my identity and don't know who I am anymore. Looking to find that happy, fun person again.
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Post by alishass2040 on Nov 6, 2012 4:36:28 GMT -8
great post
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Post by Loveanimals on Nov 6, 2012 8:39:54 GMT -8
This is so true, I need to bookmark this!
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Post by brainhealth on Nov 7, 2012 6:36:08 GMT -8
Love it!
Brainhealth
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southernbelle
Junior Member
Recovery is scary, but so is remaining exactly the same.
Posts: 74
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Post by southernbelle on Sept 19, 2014 7:55:07 GMT -8
Glad I found this older post....printing this and putting it in my notebook!
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Post by CodepNomore on Sept 19, 2014 17:00:46 GMT -8
Glad I found this older post....printing this and putting it in my notebook! That is a nice attitude and good habit; taking notes as a reminder. I believe we are all students of life and that we learn from one another. I am sure there are many wonderful threads here that contain rich information, I just cannot afford to read most of them. (I could not even read my own emails' inbox a lot of times, unless they are urgent, a must-read, or very important.) Susan wants this forum to be educational too. So thanks for informative thread like this one. |
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