Survivor
Junior Member
Life is good. The best is yet to come.
Posts: 84
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Post by Survivor on Jul 8, 2012 6:54:14 GMT -8
Is it right to say that this forum is not all about POA or having one? That this can be a place for those suffering from self-esteem, abuses, and other issues as well? And that we can be addicted to a relationship but not necessarily to the person? Because there are those so-called POA who think that everything we do is about them or has something to do with them (as if we don't have a life of our own and just living under their shadows).
Thanks to anyone who can shed light on this.
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Post by Loving My Life on Jul 8, 2012 7:12:46 GMT -8
Our recovery is all about us and no one else. We have to look within ourselves first and see what voids we are trying to fill with other people. We recover for ourselves only. Another person can not makes us happy, we have to be happy with ourselves first and foremost. It is like baby steps and peeling a onion, once we fix one thing something else comes up.
So it is one day, minute, or second at a time, sometimes it can take a lifetime to heal ourselves from within. But it is so worth it. Dealing with life on lifes terms.
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Post by maxheadcase on Jul 8, 2012 8:01:51 GMT -8
Recovery isn't about POA. It's about ourselves. Finding ourselves. Working on ourselves, whether it is through a therapist, 12 steps, group meetings, books, etc, etc.
Eventually and the sooner, the better we must let go of POA and focus all of our energy on ourselves and our recovery. Rehashing things may be helpful at first but it usually prolongs recovery.
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Survivor
Junior Member
Life is good. The best is yet to come.
Posts: 84
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Post by Survivor on Jul 8, 2012 15:34:40 GMT -8
Thank you all for shedding light here and confirming what I'm realizing.
Few years back I had a Facebook account and my then girlfriend thought that I was there for her alone and that whatever I was doing there had something to do with her. Like when we had a misunderstanding and I was jealous with her "sweet comments" to her other contacts and confronted her about it, she got mad and thought I was following or stalking her there. When the truth of the matter is I've only gotten to read few of her stuff there. My point is I'm coming to this forum for my recovery and not about having a POA or not or hoping my ex and I will have a successful future together. So I'm really glad with your helpful comments that it's right to say that this forum and recovery are about us and NOT ABOUT POA.
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 14, 2012 9:36:33 GMT -8
Survivor.
I want to state the obvious: 90% of what you talk about, if I go back and read your posts, is about your PoA and you defending yourself for being accused as a stalker. A very large part of recovery from anything is being HONEST with yourself and admitting to your own shortcomings and your own flaws. You don't have to admit them here to me, but you do have to recognize your own actions. And if you have trouble seeing yourself clearly, spend time going over old posts of yours. Re-read them. Be realistic. The more you are able to see what part of this you OWN, the more progress in recovery you will make.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 14, 2012 12:22:00 GMT -8
Please listen to LovelyJune. She walks her talk. She is the real deal and a better role model than I am. In recovery we have to do what we are told not want we want to do. Our addiction has a voice and is talking to us all the time. We must listen to others who have been successful. |
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Survivor
Junior Member
Life is good. The best is yet to come.
Posts: 84
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Post by Survivor on Jul 14, 2012 13:35:21 GMT -8
I ADMIT having stalked (as you described stalking in another thread), for a limited period of time to get to know her in the beginning. But since in our family, we focus on describing and naming the action or behavior rather than the person himself (when a person cheats, we would say he cheated or is cheating but won't say he's a "cheater"). This is why I have a hard time accepting that "stalker" calling. I just don't buy it. I don't think just for a few committed acts of a certain misbehavior is enough to identify a person or refer to him as such and put that label on his head. According to studies, calling or naming a person in that manner only aggravates his behavior more than anything. (I'm not talking here about those who have criminal records who should be identified as such. But normal, good people). So this is where I would not alter my understanding of this issue even if it disagrees with the majority here. Because it's simply NOT IN ME to do so. I really don't refer or call anyone in that way and that includes myself. I'm not expecting anyone to alter their views either for me.
Thank you for bothering to reply on my post.
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raul
New Member
Posts: 7
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Post by raul on Apr 7, 2013 17:53:59 GMT -8
I ADMIT I have committed stalker behavior; unanswered and unwanted emails, texts, ph calls, and letters sent to her home. I feel I did these very distastful things under great emotional pain and stress. I don't lable myself a stalker but I did make very bad, terrible choices and I have to forgive myself of those choices. I am done with stalker behavior, it makes me feel terrible and I am a better person than that.
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