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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 2, 2011 16:54:05 GMT -8
So, I was on FB the other day and a sponsored link popped up and it ACTUALLY said (and I kids you not): "Make Him Addicted To You"
It was an ad for a relationship coach who sells her own books, etc. and teaches you how to do and say the prefect stuff to make someone fall madly in love with you.
All I kept thinking is, here I am over here, trying my darndest to help people get UNaddicted and this lady is UNdoing that with one clever little marketing line.
Anyway, I went to the link, checked it out, and although she makes a few convincing points, I don't have the heart to post the link here because she mostly sounds like a quack.
My point in posting this is to look out for triggers like this. Quick fixes. No one has the answers, and some people have answers but they're really BAD answers.
More importantly, the whole "relationship rescue" mentality is probably the LAST thing any of us need right now. What most of us need is to turn inward, at least for a little while, and solve the deep rooted issues within us before seeking out someone else. If we are too afraid of facing our life and our problems, covering that up with a relationship won't help much!
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Post by mybestme on Feb 2, 2011 17:05:33 GMT -8
I have to admit, I read these things too - things like "How to Catch him and Keep Him" and many more. I also read Steve Harvey's book, "How to act like a Lady and Think Like a Man", which I actually liked.
My conclusion: If you are unhealthy, the books may help you prolong the game, but you are still unhealthy and probably chasing after the WRONG person. If you have to chase and manipulate and scheme, you may eventually "win" him, but rest assured that when he gets bored, you will have to worry about playing the NEXT game to keep him there. Humph....shouldn't he be hoping to keep YOU there!?
The one thing all these books tout is "having your own life" and showing him that you have your own life. You may like him, but you can also live without him. Some women ACT this out, but it wears thin after a while if it's merely a facade. The women who truly feel this and have done the work to get this point, don't really have to bother reading these books in the first place! They are healthy enough not to have to.
So, if you're reading books on how to capture men, get them addicted you, make them fall in love with you and so on an so forth...you're not ready yet anyway!!!
MBM
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Post by mybestme on Feb 2, 2011 17:12:35 GMT -8
PS: I also read "The Art of Seduction" by Robert Greene, the author of "The 48 Laws of Power".
Interesting, enlightening, engaging. But, very Machiavellian. Knowledge may be power, but all this scheming doesn't seem authentic or healthy AT ALL!
So, if you read these types of things I would do it for entertainment purposes, but certainly not to be snaring men.
MBM
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ilovemenow71
New Member
"Humility, Willingness and Honesty." My recovery can be a magnificent Journey.
Posts: 21
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Post by ilovemenow71 on Feb 2, 2011 23:13:59 GMT -8
That reminded me of the old book, 'The Rules.' I ate books like that up. I see how sick and manipulative all of that is now.
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 3, 2011 3:47:26 GMT -8
I've read some pretty quirky books in my time. I have gone to psychics, had my tarot cards read, prayed, blah, blah, blah...it's all fantasy-based. And while I am not completely knocking fantasy (we do require healthy doses of it to survive), too much is too much.
This woman was saying that we (as women) need to revert back into our feminine energies and stop "managing" men. OK. But then she was saying, we need to reclaim our old female roles of letting men be in charge. And while I do think there is a definite change in gender roles these days and that women have gained more power, I actually think it's MEN who need to be doing the evolving to catch up with us and that NO ONE needs to be "in charge" of the other.
Which reminds me, there's this great article somewhere out there on the net that basically claims that men are not evolving. The work force is now 50/50, men lose their jobs more frequently than women, less men go to college, less men graduate from college. The article claimed that men seem to be stuck back in the 1950's frustrated that they're not on top anymore. This takes growing, changing and recognizing the worth and value of women.
When you DO eventually go out into the world to look for a man, boyfriend, hubby, whatever, MAKE SURE you are able to SEE that he is the type of man that truly values women and respects their womanliness, beauty, power, strength, and insecurities, and is not intimidated by it.
On the flip side of that it's our responsibility to bring ourselves to a point of not being intimidated by men and respecting their manliness, beauty, power, strength and insecurities.
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Post by runrunrun on Feb 3, 2011 18:28:29 GMT -8
Anyone who writes those kinds of catchy phrases have no clue the seriousness of the word 'addicted'. Sadly I am sure many women buy into it. It reminds me of the millions of teen girls who are identifying with Bella of vampire series not knowing how sick and addicted she really is.
runrunrun
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Post by person on Feb 3, 2011 21:22:57 GMT -8
Well, this woman is obviously delusional since I don't manage my POA and I let him to be in charge. I even amuse him by reminding him his own saying that "you came from my rib" implying that he is in charge. I turn it to my own advantage saying that since I came from your rib, you have to take care of me and treat me nicely. And what? He likes all this but I have nothing but trouble with him anyway. So, this is not a panacea to men's problems to let them be in charge. However, who knows, maybe this is why he is still stuck with me. But in any case, she is delusional.
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 4, 2011 4:14:37 GMT -8
Person: Actually you can tell him you have your own ribs and that men do not have one more than women as was previously thought.  |
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Post by surrender on Feb 4, 2011 8:42:34 GMT -8
Standing O for Temita:
And while I do think there is a definite change in gender roles these days and that women have gained more power, I actually think it's MEN who need to be doing the evolving to catch up with us and that NO ONE needs to be "in charge" of the other.
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Post by lacypooh on Feb 5, 2011 10:38:25 GMT -8
I remember buying books like that. I was so obsessed with learning and doing everything I could to "hook" a man. Of course that was when I was completely delusional and in denial about my own problems. I thought I was THE PERFECT CATCH and any man would be so lucky to have me. But my "relationships" kept failing so I had to put the blame somewhere. I thought it was the men and I thought that reading those books could help me figure "them" out lol go figure. Well now I spend time reading self help books and digging deep. Oh yea, part of it was the men, they were COMPLETELY UNAVAILABLE =)
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Post by person on Feb 6, 2011 10:18:40 GMT -8
Telmita,
I use this what he said to my advantage all the time. I would tell him "You should help me or "be nice to me because I came from your rib". And it works. He starts doing what I want. So, I don't care if he thinks that I came from his rib as long as he carries my groceries bags, drives me, cooks, cleans the kitchen, etc. This is my key. Strange, I know but it works to my advantage.
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Post by purpleshadows on Feb 6, 2011 18:58:01 GMT -8
What most of us need is to turn inward, at least for a little while, and solve the deep rooted issues within us before seeking out someone else. If we are too afraid of facing our life and our problems, covering that up with a relationship won't help much! That is so true. I feel kind of hopeless because I'm constantly having feelings for a woman whether I'm in a relationship with her like marriage or some other woman. I feel like I'm addicted to the feeling and the initial chase. Then when the feeling goes away, I feel kind of "alone", and I end up having feelings again for someone else. Once "I see the light", I can easily break up, but giving up the romance/chase/feelings is so hard to do. I think I need to get a life outside of "love," something else that I can draw happiness from. Regarding the 50%/50% relationship thing, I can't help but to think that it is dangerous to always try and enforce that mentality. I think of it kind of like a man and woman dancing. No need to feel less than the other. It just works... |
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 9, 2011 3:06:51 GMT -8
I think I need to get a life outside of "love," something else that I can draw happiness from. YES! This IS the solution. When we find a life outside of love, we start to recognize that LOVE is not the end all and be all of our existence. It is only one part of a bigger picture. Love addiction (any addiction) is a narrowly focused, obsessive way of thinking. It's crucial to expand your thinking. When you do that, you expand your world, and then your world becomes so much bigger and better than this one little (oftentimes meaningless) thing. |
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Post by lotus on Mar 10, 2011 1:55:12 GMT -8
I think part of the problem is that men are still taught to be "tough" and not acknowledge their emotional life. Women go to therapy and read self help books. Men do this much less. Women are becoming more psychologically conscious and men are being left behind. We need to teach our boys that it's ok to cry, it's ok to have feelings, it's ok to communicate.
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