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Apr 21, 2011 12:00:48 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Apr 21, 2011 12:00:48 GMT -8
I just got totally harassed, bullied and verbally attacked at work by a female manager AND my brother. Luckily, I work from home so no one could see that I was crying hysterically. But now I am going out for a run, because I am SO ANGRY and SO HURT that I could be treated in this way. ANd I am trying to figure out how the hell I can get rid of this rotten feeling in me. T
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Apr 21, 2011 13:10:56 GMT -8
Post by Bo on Apr 21, 2011 13:10:56 GMT -8
Good for you for running it out. I am beginning to realize that sometimes, only sometimes: Life Sucks.
Then is gets better, hang in there.
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Apr 21, 2011 13:38:49 GMT -8
Post by brooklynberry on Apr 21, 2011 13:38:49 GMT -8
ugh that SUCKS. behold, the power of the run!
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Apr 21, 2011 14:14:08 GMT -8
Post by runrunrun on Apr 21, 2011 14:14:08 GMT -8
running is how you get rid of it. Then letting them know that their treatment was inappropriate and wont be tolerated. Thats how I would do it. When my coworker was rude to my kid I stewed and ruminated on it for weeks. Making me miserable. The sooner you deal with it the better off you will be. Dont make my mistake. Anyhow I did go to the coworker and the boss and now things are fine between he and I.
Runrunrun (literally)
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Apr 21, 2011 15:11:29 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Apr 21, 2011 15:11:29 GMT -8
Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. My mother gave me some good advice: "You need thicker skin. This is the business world." She's right. Not very soothing, but right. Thing is, this is a PERFECT example of how the trifecta of my love addiction (occasional lack of confidence, weak skills for managing my life, and a HUGE desire to run away and avoid conflict, pain or drama) STILL bites me in the arse and controls my life. As soon as you think you've got one problem solved, another rears its ugly head. I really need to go back on vacation...where it was SAFE!
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Apr 21, 2011 17:53:01 GMT -8
Post by overcomer on Apr 21, 2011 17:53:01 GMT -8
I'm sorry to hear that. But how true that how others treat us is THEIR ISSUES with THEMSELVES. And I believe that the person who behaves unbecomingly or badly will eventually either repent or suffer the consequences of his/her actions. We will always reap what we sow good or bad.
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Apr 22, 2011 2:40:34 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Apr 22, 2011 2:40:34 GMT -8
These aren't the type of people who "repent" HO. But thank you, anyway.
I guess what bothers me so much is that I have worked so painstakingly hard to avoid drama in my life, and yet, I still get caught in the net of other people's drama. What happened yesterday (from their end) was hysterical, irrational, unprofessional craziness and they dragged me into it. And I hate that I was not able to maintain my emotional state. THANK GOD, I maintained my dignity and PRETENDED that I was the only level-headed one dealing with the situation. But inside, I had become hysterical.
My sis-in-law said that this company desperately needs me. ANd that they can't fire me (I own the company with my family and I am on the Board of Directors), but I think my insecurity for feeling as though I don't do enough, or I don't do a perfect job really eats away at me. I constantly fear I will lose my job. I constantly fear I will lose my ability to convince everyone that I am worthy. Like I have to pull off this trick with smoke and mirrors as if just me all by myself has no value.
Anyway, work is my security. It has replaced a PoA. I have put myself in a position of having to deal with hysterical drama because I am DEPENDENT upon the job. ANd we all know that we depend upon anything, we lose our freedom.
But this brings up a point that I keep trying to make...for those of us with NO PoAs anymore...what else has you dependent, hooked, or addicted?
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Apr 22, 2011 3:49:12 GMT -8
Post by runrunrun on Apr 22, 2011 3:49:12 GMT -8
June, can you take your talents to a different company and distance yourself from the situation?
I am addicted to working out now that I dont have a poa
Runrunrun
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Apr 22, 2011 5:58:25 GMT -8
Post by tizzy on Apr 22, 2011 5:58:25 GMT -8
LovelyJune I can totally relate. Per my previous thread, I got extremely angry off at this lady last week at work who was very rude (for no reason might I add) and acted unprofessionally. Her acting the way she did triggered feelings from how I felt about my mom and I felt betrayed (b/c me and the lady were friends, or so I thought). I kept my cool during the situation, stayed professional and kept my boundaries in place letting her know her disrespect wouldn't be tolerated. But I was still VERY angry and perturbed by the whole thing.
So you know what I did? I read over my SLAA stuff, came to this board, and realized I did the best I could, and that I could not control what this lady does. She is accountable for her own behavior and if she wants to act an ass that's on her. I don't have to respond to it nor put up with it and I won't. I turned my anger over to my HP and found something else to focus on (my new JOB SEARCH! nothing like a coworker pissing you off to motivate you to GET A NEW JOB! hehe) I remembered what one of the posters here said about other people's bad behavior: I did not cause, I can't control and I cannot cure it. With that in mind I felt much more at peace and got back to getting along with the crazy coworker (who proceeded to act as if nothing happened, JUST LIKE MY MOM! go figure). She is on all kinds of anxiety and depression medication and publicly admits her moodiness so I know that SHE is the one with the problem and not me. Not saying I'm perfect but that I know I wasn't the one at fault in last week's situation.
The old me would've felt bad about it and would've probably even tried to apologize even though it wasn't my fault. But the new recovery me knows better and has boundaries in place and a much stronger healthier self-esteem and understands I don't have to take anyone's emotional or verbal stuff or feel bad about it. I don't have to internalize the stuffpy things people do or say to me. I've learned not to take stuff so personally (even though I still do at times).
So LovelyJune, try to see that how others act is NOT a reflection on you, it's a reflection of the turmoil they've got going inside themselves. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. They likely act stuffpy with everybody (the girl I work with does). Continue to try and keep out of their drama and if they try to bring you in put your foot down, state your boundaries and let that be that. Don't get sucked into their mess or their reality. Don't make it yours. Don't let them get the best of you. Don't sink down to their bottom-feeder level. And if you have to, physically remove yourself as far away from them as possible. I know it's hard if you work together but do what you can. Avoid them like the plague until you HAVE to interact w/them. And even then keep it to a minimum. That's what I do with crazy work girlie now. She is the plague. I avoid her with a quickness and only interact the bare minimum to get what I need from her.
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Apr 22, 2011 6:55:37 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Apr 22, 2011 6:55:37 GMT -8
Thanks Tizzy. I appreciate your feedback! And I am definitely taking it all in. RRR: Like I said, I own the company, so, unless I started my own business somewhere else (which I have thought of a million times), it doesn't pay for me to work for someone else. Besides, I have more control over the situation than I tend to believe. It's just a matter of being PATIENT. SOmething I lack.
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Apr 22, 2011 7:27:26 GMT -8
Post by loveaddicted on Apr 22, 2011 7:27:26 GMT -8
I got this from a very smart man. It made sense to me. No one can make us feel anything and no one can hurt us unless we allow them too. Yea I struggle with that too but he is right. What I think I feel and what I feel I react. So sometimes we just have to consider the source and take back our power. A very new concept to me but if it makes me stronger and resilent then I want to feel that instead of defeated and like a door mat. love
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Apr 22, 2011 7:46:12 GMT -8
Post by LovelyJune on Apr 22, 2011 7:46:12 GMT -8
No one can make us feel anything and no one can hurt us unless we allow them to...it makes me stronger and resilient instead of defeated and like a door mat. There it is. I had forgotten! Thanks for reminding me. I needed to be reminded.
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