Post by LovelyJune on Mar 5, 2012 3:25:06 GMT -8
Many of us struggle with the idea of not contacting our PoAs. It's a scary concept, depending on our level of addiction, especially if we've never attempted it before. We feel like we are denying ourselves something. That we are taking something away. That couldn't be further from the truth. We are actually GIVING OURSELVES A BETTER LIFE, a chance to live a NEW life. And it's that kind of positive attitude about NC that has to happen, in order for NC to work. Otherwise, you'll go running back. Why? Because the pain of the relationship feels more fulfilling than the risk of the unknown. Because the toxicity of the relationship seems like more of a value than the seeming emptiness of NC.
But NC is not emptiness. It's not loneliness. It's filled with wonderful possibilities that can save your life and put you on a healthier path.
Here are a few more ideas about NC that might change your perspective on it. Because that's what it's all about: perspective.
No Contact (NC) is...
-a gift you give yourself. It's not something you are being denied.
-a positive experience. It's time away from a toxic person that you can use to soothe yourself and HEAL the wounds caused by the pain of the relationship.
-NOT a game to win anyone back. It is an intense action you take for YOU and YOU ALONE that signals the beginning of your commitment to yourself and your recovery.
-difficult, but worth it. The more you start to believe that NC is a way to prove your love for yourself, it becomes easier.
-NOT about making the PoA suffer. It's about making your life better.
-about you! It has nothing to do with the PoA.
-not painful or bad for you. Being in a toxic relationship is painful and bad for you. Remind yourself of this.
-one of the best boundaries you can create around yourself to protect yourself and take care of yourself.
-a choice. Many of you can go back to the PoA in a second. No one is forcing NC on you (unless the Police are called in).
-freedom. And while freedom is scary for most, it is definitely far better than being enslaved in a toxic relationship.
-filled with possibilities. Now that you are alone, you can truly learn who you are. You can sit with yourself and get to know, without interference.
-your first attempt to honor your values. Recovery means not only having and knowing your values, but honoring them. "I never want to date a person who neglects me" is a value. Maintaining NC from someone who neglects you is finally proof that your values are more important than "any" relationship.
-the best way you can finally take action, instead of "talking" about it or "thinking" about it. How many times have you said, "this relationship is wrong, I need to get out" but did nothing about it. Well, you are finally taking right action.
-like eating your veggies. They may not taste good in the beginning, but you'll adapt. You're addicted to junk food, so it will take your body, mind and spirit a while to get used to the healthy, lifesaving foods that are good for you.
-NOT the loss of love from someone, it is the beginning of love for yourself...
But NC is not emptiness. It's not loneliness. It's filled with wonderful possibilities that can save your life and put you on a healthier path.
Here are a few more ideas about NC that might change your perspective on it. Because that's what it's all about: perspective.
No Contact (NC) is...
-a gift you give yourself. It's not something you are being denied.
-a positive experience. It's time away from a toxic person that you can use to soothe yourself and HEAL the wounds caused by the pain of the relationship.
-NOT a game to win anyone back. It is an intense action you take for YOU and YOU ALONE that signals the beginning of your commitment to yourself and your recovery.
-difficult, but worth it. The more you start to believe that NC is a way to prove your love for yourself, it becomes easier.
-NOT about making the PoA suffer. It's about making your life better.
-about you! It has nothing to do with the PoA.
-not painful or bad for you. Being in a toxic relationship is painful and bad for you. Remind yourself of this.
-one of the best boundaries you can create around yourself to protect yourself and take care of yourself.
-a choice. Many of you can go back to the PoA in a second. No one is forcing NC on you (unless the Police are called in).
-freedom. And while freedom is scary for most, it is definitely far better than being enslaved in a toxic relationship.
-filled with possibilities. Now that you are alone, you can truly learn who you are. You can sit with yourself and get to know, without interference.
-your first attempt to honor your values. Recovery means not only having and knowing your values, but honoring them. "I never want to date a person who neglects me" is a value. Maintaining NC from someone who neglects you is finally proof that your values are more important than "any" relationship.
-the best way you can finally take action, instead of "talking" about it or "thinking" about it. How many times have you said, "this relationship is wrong, I need to get out" but did nothing about it. Well, you are finally taking right action.
-like eating your veggies. They may not taste good in the beginning, but you'll adapt. You're addicted to junk food, so it will take your body, mind and spirit a while to get used to the healthy, lifesaving foods that are good for you.
-NOT the loss of love from someone, it is the beginning of love for yourself...