Post by LovelyJune on May 4, 2012 1:58:08 GMT -8
I want to tell you a funny story of significant importance.
A few weeks ago I was given the number of a "reputable" plumber who I spoke with regarding a job I needed to get done. I said to him, quite plainly, this is the job at hand and this is when I need it done by. Period.
He said to me, OK, no problem. Just call me up when you're ready to have me come over and I'll do the job. JUst give me a couple days to get out there.
So, when the demo job on my bathroom was completed and I was ready for him to come out I called him. At that point he had FIVE days with which to get the work done. He didn't call me back on day one. He didn't call me back on day 2. I put another call in, a little more desperate.
"Hi this is So and So and you asked me to call you when I was ready to have the work done. ANd now there's only three days left. The work has to be done on a Monday, as I specifically said, so that my tile guy can complete his work in a certain time frame."
He called right back and started telling me how busy he was, but that he could "do the job."He also said, "I don't want to string you along, but let me come out and take a look at what I can do."
The next day, he came out. I thought he'd start working on it. Instead, he looked at the job, told me it'd be a two day job, and that he's really busy. Didn't think he could get to it within my time frame!
All the while, he kept SAYING that he could do the job and didn't want to string me along. And yet, that's EXACTLY what he was doing. Stringing me along. Even when I came right out and asked him, "Can you do this job?" he couldn't say no. And yet, he clearly couldn't.
I realized several things about this man:
1. He's a bad business man. He may be a great plumber, but he stinks at being able to manage his time and his schedule so much so that he inconveniences his clients.
2. He clearly had no intentions of hurting me and that is why he couldn't say no. But in his inability to be upfront and honest, he ended up seriously disrupting my life and my schedule to the point where I may have to wait until August to have this project finished. Being without a bathroom is not fun!
3. He's not a "bad" guy, but he's not a "smart" guy. When we can manage our lives and when we are mature enough to be able to say "No" to someone, it makes things A LOT easier on everyone around. When you say yes to everything but don't mean yes you are hurting others and misleading them even though it's not your intention.
4. COmmunication is key! I was clearly getting mixed messages from him from the beginning. He wasn't officially putting me on his "schedule" (basically because he doesn't have one), he wasn't responding to my calls, he was stringing me along, he kept saying he was busy but that he could do the work, which signifies an inability to commit to a job. I should have picked up on ALL of that, but I didn't. I listened to his words (I can do the job!) as opposed to his actions (I'm not a very reliable person who cannot do your job).
Needless to say, I finally came out and said, "Look, you clearly cannot do this job within the time frame I need it. SO...thanks for your time." He then apologized profusely and left. I felt sorry for him. I know, in his heart, he probably wanted to say yes and help me. But he couldn't.
My point is this: we need to be aware not of what people SAY, but what they DO. We need to listen and look for all the signs. And just because someone is sweet, or has good intentions, or is fumbling around with the ability to communicate properly, it doesn't mean they want to STAY, or BE WITH US, or STEP UP TO THE PLATE for us. It means that they simply cannot say no to your face, whether out of cowardice or weakness or empathy for you. And while those excuses are understandable, they're not the brick and mortar you need to build a relationship. Hopefully, you want a relationship based on someone who is certain and is clearly showing signs of being able to "do the job for you."
Experiencing this guy and his wishy-washiness sent me back to my days of being with my PoA. On the one hand I was angry at myself for not "recognizing" the signs of unreliability. On the other, I was so GRATEFUL that I am not with a person like this anymore.
Be honest with yourself. If you feel as though you're being strung along by someone, you probably are. When people do that to you, don't look for excuses to explain their behavior. Look instead, into yourself and say, "do I want someone like this in my life? Do I want to settle for someone who cannot express certainty, honesty or communicate well? How will his or her behavior affect MY LIFE in a positive or negative way?"
Hope this helps!
A few weeks ago I was given the number of a "reputable" plumber who I spoke with regarding a job I needed to get done. I said to him, quite plainly, this is the job at hand and this is when I need it done by. Period.
He said to me, OK, no problem. Just call me up when you're ready to have me come over and I'll do the job. JUst give me a couple days to get out there.
So, when the demo job on my bathroom was completed and I was ready for him to come out I called him. At that point he had FIVE days with which to get the work done. He didn't call me back on day one. He didn't call me back on day 2. I put another call in, a little more desperate.
"Hi this is So and So and you asked me to call you when I was ready to have the work done. ANd now there's only three days left. The work has to be done on a Monday, as I specifically said, so that my tile guy can complete his work in a certain time frame."
He called right back and started telling me how busy he was, but that he could "do the job."He also said, "I don't want to string you along, but let me come out and take a look at what I can do."
The next day, he came out. I thought he'd start working on it. Instead, he looked at the job, told me it'd be a two day job, and that he's really busy. Didn't think he could get to it within my time frame!
All the while, he kept SAYING that he could do the job and didn't want to string me along. And yet, that's EXACTLY what he was doing. Stringing me along. Even when I came right out and asked him, "Can you do this job?" he couldn't say no. And yet, he clearly couldn't.
I realized several things about this man:
1. He's a bad business man. He may be a great plumber, but he stinks at being able to manage his time and his schedule so much so that he inconveniences his clients.
2. He clearly had no intentions of hurting me and that is why he couldn't say no. But in his inability to be upfront and honest, he ended up seriously disrupting my life and my schedule to the point where I may have to wait until August to have this project finished. Being without a bathroom is not fun!
3. He's not a "bad" guy, but he's not a "smart" guy. When we can manage our lives and when we are mature enough to be able to say "No" to someone, it makes things A LOT easier on everyone around. When you say yes to everything but don't mean yes you are hurting others and misleading them even though it's not your intention.
4. COmmunication is key! I was clearly getting mixed messages from him from the beginning. He wasn't officially putting me on his "schedule" (basically because he doesn't have one), he wasn't responding to my calls, he was stringing me along, he kept saying he was busy but that he could do the work, which signifies an inability to commit to a job. I should have picked up on ALL of that, but I didn't. I listened to his words (I can do the job!) as opposed to his actions (I'm not a very reliable person who cannot do your job).
Needless to say, I finally came out and said, "Look, you clearly cannot do this job within the time frame I need it. SO...thanks for your time." He then apologized profusely and left. I felt sorry for him. I know, in his heart, he probably wanted to say yes and help me. But he couldn't.
My point is this: we need to be aware not of what people SAY, but what they DO. We need to listen and look for all the signs. And just because someone is sweet, or has good intentions, or is fumbling around with the ability to communicate properly, it doesn't mean they want to STAY, or BE WITH US, or STEP UP TO THE PLATE for us. It means that they simply cannot say no to your face, whether out of cowardice or weakness or empathy for you. And while those excuses are understandable, they're not the brick and mortar you need to build a relationship. Hopefully, you want a relationship based on someone who is certain and is clearly showing signs of being able to "do the job for you."
Experiencing this guy and his wishy-washiness sent me back to my days of being with my PoA. On the one hand I was angry at myself for not "recognizing" the signs of unreliability. On the other, I was so GRATEFUL that I am not with a person like this anymore.
Be honest with yourself. If you feel as though you're being strung along by someone, you probably are. When people do that to you, don't look for excuses to explain their behavior. Look instead, into yourself and say, "do I want someone like this in my life? Do I want to settle for someone who cannot express certainty, honesty or communicate well? How will his or her behavior affect MY LIFE in a positive or negative way?"
Hope this helps!
