GOALS....

This is fantastic T. I was going to do exactly the same thing for me last night but i had a migraine so slpet it off instead. You've inspired me to write my goals today.

1) To share my true self with the world around me with people who are trustworthy. When i feel vulnerable and fearful i will call my best friend and tell her how i feel, i know i am safe to share my feelings with her and i don't need to hide any side of who i am with those people who are trustworthy. I will tell my father when he barks at me like he does at work that i will think about what he's said and come back to him instead of being afraid of my vulnerability and becoming defensive back to him. I will share little things with my coworkers about myself and not just close in on my thoughts where i keep things to myself all the time.

2) I ask my Higher power to give me the wisdom and strength to be patient with my feelings and how i act on them esp in my relationship with Nigel. We are spending time togteher getting to know one another and build trust and because of my Love addiction i can get carried away with romantic longings in my head and want to get closer than is possible to him. I would like to share with him that its so important that we respect one anothers independence so that i don't allow myself to get enmeshed with him and lose myself. I ask God for the patience with myself to get to know what its is i really and truly need and not to cling to a relationship to give me what i refuse to give myself!

3) I recently wrote about the kind of man that i need and want in my life which felt great as i was allowing myself to say this is what i deserve and i won't accept anything less. I have accepted partners that are not on the same level as me in social standing and experience/growth as a person and i know now that i chose these men because i didn't believe in myself and didn't know what i deserved. I am going to choose to be with a man who has the ability to put my feelings first because he cares for me and wants me to be happy and wants to support me in making me happy. He will know that it is up to me to take care of my own needs but he will make sure that i know he is there when i need him and i will be able to go to him and talk about the deeper things that are on my mind and find comfort in being able to share these things with him. The man i want to be with will have a career that he is fulfilled in and works hard at at the right times but he can let go of work and be able to focus on our life together. He will be able to look at me and see me for who i am- this i know can only come once i allow him to see the real me and i know that by being with the right man this will happen in time. He will want me to grow as a person and support me in this growth and try to understand me even if he finds it hard, he will still be willing. He will be on his own path of growth and willing to learn and be open minded to our life together. He will respect my spirituality and be able to discuss parts of what i need in order to grow. He will make me laugh when i get too intense and not hold it against me when i am sensitive but see it as endearing.

4) I am going to ask myself daily if i am comfortable with the way things are in my life and whether or not i am happy. My needs will be at the forefront of my mind and i will ask myself what it is i feel i need at this moment. I will meditate on what my needs may be and ask to be shown what it is i need to do. Its so important that i see myself for who I am and appreciate the successes i have had in my life. I have experienced things that i am eternally grateful for like owning a horse that i adored and had for 8 years, I went to a well known college to study Fashion Design and worked very hard to complete the course, my parents supported me through University and i got a 2:1 degree in English, I studied abroad in California, I lived and worked in Cape town, I studied on a foundation course in Art Therapy and worked in a medium secure mental hospital for experience, I am studying a Diploma in Marketing and have been working for my fathers firm for 2 years now. I am a great friend who cares dearly about her friends, I am a coordinator of a networking group, i am god mother to the most amazing little girl in the world, I am a good daughter and making sure i build honest relationships with both my parents.
Most importantly now I am going to do things for myself without needing to have everyone else's opinion before something is okay to do. I am asking daily to be able to Trust my feelings and to build up my ablity to like myself.

5) I need to nurture my creativity and work regularly on my drawing and painting. I have hobbies like Tennis, Running, Salsa, and it makes me feel good to have these things in my life because i am doing things for me but i get a sense of achievement from creating things which i can't get anywhere else and its something i need in my life. I believe i will find a part of myself that i can't find anywhere else in being creative and i need to be able to make peace with this need and actively achieve it in my life through my painting.

6) I need to make peace with my intensity and stop looking for the answers everywhere to make me whole again. I know that is within me and only i can give myself the answers i'm looking for. I can love myself for who i am without needing to be so intense with my feelings and thoughts as it is distressing to me to feel this way. There needs to be a balance within me that doesn't come with such intense emotions and i am finding out how to let go today and to understand how i am powerless and to ask myself what it is i need now to feel more balanced. I have a choice about how i react and i know this very well and i make the decision to act out of pain or growth and i pray for the ability to chose growth daily.

Re-reading this (was it 19 months ago???) brought a tear to my eye. I kept my promise. I kept all my goals and gosh, it feels good to know that. #9 hit a soft spot for me. I sometimes wish I had a given myself a little longer as a single girl to explore all those things I love to do on my own. It's not that I can't do them now that I am dating again, it's that I simply don't have the time or inclination. Maybe soon, I'll get that back again. But overall, I love this list of goals and I still believe in everything I wrote.

xo

Telmita, that's beautiful, feel teary myself! So happy for you that recovery has given you a great life. Very very inspiring. Best. P.

I was just reading over this thread and and loved it! I'm starting to do some work on shaping out how I want to live my life moving forward. Here is a loose version of what I've got so far. I want to tighten it up and come up with a mission statement, but here's how it's flowing right now.

My Life Moving Forward

I will not accept poor treatment from people. I will work hard at keeping my cool despite the chaos that may creep up all around me.

I will honor my values:

To the people in my life:

Am I respecting you? Are you respecting me? Are we hearing each other? Are we enjoying each other? Are we having fun? Can we cut each other a break?

I will listen to what you have to say and expect the same in return.

I will play more, laugh more, make sure to take care of my health.

I will honor and cherish quality friendships and remain loyal to those who I love.

I will meet new people when I can.

I will make decisions based on what is best for me and my children. I will not base decisions on status, money or what other people think.

I will be strong enough to live with less, even when it’s not easy.

I will work on being more practical with money and more self sufficient.

I will work hard on teaching my children what I can, when I can. I will be a caring soul toward those in my life. I will take the time for people who need some appreciation or encouragement.

I will work on me, build self-esteem, strengthen my body and mind, and live authentically. I will live for today. I will be ok with being alone.

While I’m working on me, me, me...I will keep things in check. I will balance my self work with my love for others and be mindful of becoming too self absorbed.

I will not accept users, posers or people of lesser quality into my life. I will hold ALL future relationships to a higher standard.

I will enjoy the things I love - my kids, cooking, hiking, kayaking, being near water, skiing/mountains, reading, travel, tennis, friends, family.

I will be ok with being happy despite having so many unhappy people in my family. I will realize that I can be there for them, but I can't make them happy if they are not. BUT I CAN BE HAPPY. People deserve to be happy. I will not suppress my happiness with guilt. It's going to be ok to be happy.