Post by LovelyJune on Aug 6, 2009 5:54:05 GMT -8
Several months back (almost a year ago, actually), when I was at the height of my denial about my relationship, I blamed my extreme mood swings on PMDD. Never in a million years was I was willing to admit that I was in a bad relationship. Heck, I LOVED my boy friend and aside from a few problems that we were trying to overcome, I was in love and happy! The relationship was perfect.
Sadly, I was in denial!
I learned that my EXTREME emotions during, before or after my period were REAL problems within my relationship that I did not want to address. I would be OK during the rest of the month because my hormones were fairly calm, but during PMS, my emotions would rage and I would become very angry with my PoA. There were moments when my anger over a real problem within the relationship were exasperated by being tired or hungry. So, I tried to learn not to BLAME my PoA for my "mood swings" and anger, (I felt so bad that I kept targeting him, when clearly this was a problem within myself!) but eventually, it got worse.
I went to the doctor's and told him "I'm in love, I'm happy, my life is good, but I have huge anger issues toward my boy friend and I simply don't know why. He's so good to me!" So the doc prescribed me Prozac, and I took it for awhile, but it actually made me angrier.
Then, the unexpected happened: my bf left me and I was alone! I was single and devastated. But something inside me (all that I had learned from LAA) told me that this was the moment I'd been waiting for. This was the moment I was most afraid of, and must live through it in order to be happy. I made my single life work positively for me and though I was very sad and sometimes depressed at the loss of my love, I realized a unique side effect: I no longer had anger issues toward anyone. I could no longer throw my anger on anyone AND I was more peaceful.
The other thing I realized was that I was emotional and angry when I was with my bf because I was honestly NOT HAPPY with him many times. Even though i LOVED him and he never outwardly did anything to harm me, i did not like living with and having to be forced to deal with his drug use or the fact that he didn't want affection from me and a whole slew of other things. During my PMS, the REAL ME came out and shouted at me and the world around me and said, "something is NOT right!" but I would not listen.
The reason I am telling you this story is so that you have a clear understanding of how our emotions work. They don't well up from nowhere. I didn't recognize this (because I didn't know myself well enough) but by dating him, I was going against my VALUES (say NO to drugs!). I was trying to overlook this, but the inside of me wasn't having it.
When you don't listen to your body, your body does crazy stuff to get your attention!
I no longer have extreme emotional outburst at ANY time during the month. When I get PMS now, I get moody like the rest of us, but NOTHING out of control and virtually no anger. Why? Not because I cured PMDD or something like it, but because now I am being true to myself and my world is in alignment with the inside of me.
I think everyone needs to do some soul searching in this area. You may LOVE someone dearly, but there may be real reasons he/she will trigger your anger. You may want to secretly get out of the relationship, but you may be so FEARFUL of being alone that you do not recognize any problems. I am NOT saying this is true in all cases, but it's a part of the learning process you at least need to ask yourself. Anger issues especially can well up from within yourself. It comes from self-hate. But whatever the REASON for your anger, you need to dig deep inside yourself and BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, even if it's scary.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a great book which can help anyone dealing with severe emotions to define your emotions and control them. There are other books here, that highly recommend too: currentlyundefined.wordpress.com/books/ (this is my blog).
Hope this helps!
T
Sadly, I was in denial!
I learned that my EXTREME emotions during, before or after my period were REAL problems within my relationship that I did not want to address. I would be OK during the rest of the month because my hormones were fairly calm, but during PMS, my emotions would rage and I would become very angry with my PoA. There were moments when my anger over a real problem within the relationship were exasperated by being tired or hungry. So, I tried to learn not to BLAME my PoA for my "mood swings" and anger, (I felt so bad that I kept targeting him, when clearly this was a problem within myself!) but eventually, it got worse.
I went to the doctor's and told him "I'm in love, I'm happy, my life is good, but I have huge anger issues toward my boy friend and I simply don't know why. He's so good to me!" So the doc prescribed me Prozac, and I took it for awhile, but it actually made me angrier.
Then, the unexpected happened: my bf left me and I was alone! I was single and devastated. But something inside me (all that I had learned from LAA) told me that this was the moment I'd been waiting for. This was the moment I was most afraid of, and must live through it in order to be happy. I made my single life work positively for me and though I was very sad and sometimes depressed at the loss of my love, I realized a unique side effect: I no longer had anger issues toward anyone. I could no longer throw my anger on anyone AND I was more peaceful.
The other thing I realized was that I was emotional and angry when I was with my bf because I was honestly NOT HAPPY with him many times. Even though i LOVED him and he never outwardly did anything to harm me, i did not like living with and having to be forced to deal with his drug use or the fact that he didn't want affection from me and a whole slew of other things. During my PMS, the REAL ME came out and shouted at me and the world around me and said, "something is NOT right!" but I would not listen.
The reason I am telling you this story is so that you have a clear understanding of how our emotions work. They don't well up from nowhere. I didn't recognize this (because I didn't know myself well enough) but by dating him, I was going against my VALUES (say NO to drugs!). I was trying to overlook this, but the inside of me wasn't having it.
When you don't listen to your body, your body does crazy stuff to get your attention!
I no longer have extreme emotional outburst at ANY time during the month. When I get PMS now, I get moody like the rest of us, but NOTHING out of control and virtually no anger. Why? Not because I cured PMDD or something like it, but because now I am being true to myself and my world is in alignment with the inside of me.
I think everyone needs to do some soul searching in this area. You may LOVE someone dearly, but there may be real reasons he/she will trigger your anger. You may want to secretly get out of the relationship, but you may be so FEARFUL of being alone that you do not recognize any problems. I am NOT saying this is true in all cases, but it's a part of the learning process you at least need to ask yourself. Anger issues especially can well up from within yourself. It comes from self-hate. But whatever the REASON for your anger, you need to dig deep inside yourself and BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF, even if it's scary.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a great book which can help anyone dealing with severe emotions to define your emotions and control them. There are other books here, that highly recommend too: currentlyundefined.wordpress.com/books/ (this is my blog).
Hope this helps!
T
Sadly, it took me a VERY long time to get to this point and sadder still I have to deal with an ex-husband who is a complete loser-- all because I didn't listen to my emotions! 
