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Post by namaste6 on Sept 29, 2016 1:39:49 GMT -8
I was violently beaten by parents and brother.
My uncle used to insert his fingers into my vagina
My dad used to stare at my body and when drunk he used to tear off my clothes.
I had developed promiscuous behaviour because of this but never slept with other guys only thinking of them, having one sided crush
I am love, attention, intimacy addict
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Post by havefaith on Oct 1, 2016 4:23:53 GMT -8
I am SO sorry this happened to you. It is beyond reprehensible to use another person for such depraved purposes. You are a child of God, and should be treated with love and respect. I do not know if there is a way you can walk away permanently from these people who have no regard for others, but I would strongly recommend it.
You are a child of God, who wants only the best for your heart, mind, body and soul.
HaveFaith
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Post by loveelleng on Nov 25, 2017 14:31:09 GMT -8
I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early twenties when I went voluntarily to a psychiatric hospital for suicidal thoughts and actions. You are not alone. I used to see my therapist in the morning which was a "safe" time for me to take the bus. One day he changed the appointment to after dark. By the time I got there I was hysterical and he had to drive me home. It is progress not perfection with PTSD. I am afraid of strangers. I am afraid of the dark. Everything startles me including someone coughing. I am terrified of getting lost and check out places during the day when I have to speak at night. My husband tells me I have nightmares every night. Home invasions. Rape. Abandonment. Disfigured babies. Lost babies. I hate my PTSD. It is such a handicap, but there is no real cure, just relief now and then. I pray that the PTSD, which is like going back in time, will turn into the simple memories that others have. As I said, you are not alone.  that is so difficult.. |
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Post by ithoughtilovedhim on Oct 14, 2018 10:40:36 GMT -8
It was the summer of 1972. Just before bed, my older brother comes to the doorway of our bedroom to get my older sister, who didn’t want to go with him. I, the gullible one, (9 years old at the time), volunteer. We go into the living room and thus begins a summer of oral sex with him because I can’t say no to him. I turn 10 in September and start 5th grade. We had only recently moved to Oklahoma, I was fat, and was being bullied at school, had no friends, I felt so alone.
Off topic:
I recently bought a CD and the singer (oldies style) said just before he sang a favorite song of min: Where were you in 1972? I’ve listened to that CD once because of this! maybe you won’t understand but because of trauma, dysfunctional family my POA is David Cassidy (yeah dead) and He was the one whose CD I can’t listen to. Maybe, maybe a good thing. Funny thing after the sexual abuse (then and another time) I don’t have any memories of David Cassidy for years! Like from 1972-1974 none!
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Post by ~w~ on Jul 20, 2019 0:06:11 GMT -8
When I was about ~4 y. My grandad When drunk used to masturbate In front of us ( me And others ),I was curious anf felt sick In my stomach too, .
I see dark figure starting through the window And cannot figure out who And why but it gives me chills.
Once I did Inner child meditation I started sobbing that my Dad incest me , So I confronted him , but He said I am
Crazy , talking noncence ( I had vission When was In sexual act with ex) that He ( Dad ) was on too of me.
When I shared that with my sister , She shares it with my aunt , She tried to get some sence into me saying that hed never fo it . He was not that type of person . So I started doubting myself And made amends for my accusations. From then I stop wanting meditate Or trust my visions / gut .
I shared with councelour And She confirmed that is posible that it never happened it was my inagination... why Would i have emotional Discharge /smells/ sickness In my mouth ..
The aunties/ uncles And mother also shows highky sexual behaviour , incest And affairs . I am 39 And I In the rock bottom , dont trust ppl., myself , been In Slaa recovery done steps 2 Times, had relapse . Its not ending struggle , lost hope . Thinking Maybe masturbation also is addiction though it doesnt happen often . But affraid to put it on the bottom Line . To loose sexual Part of me , release ..
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Post by akdkumar on Jul 21, 2019 9:03:42 GMT -8
Well , If the incident of your childhood did not involve anything forcefully imposed on you, I feel you should not care about it. Many of us may sometimes may chance to see someone S H I T , piss or puke in our home , feel sick about it, but as we grow, we realize, what we thought of as a mountain, was no more than a mole hill. I hope the same comes true for you.
If your therapist is not making you comfortable with your inner self, stop the therapy for a while.
Hope you have a job to bring your attention to present and future prospects, avoid digging too much into the past of the family. It is dead past.
cheers!
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Post by Namaste on Jul 22, 2019 16:50:22 GMT -8
Well , If the incident of your childhood did not involve anything forcefully imposed on you, I feel you should not care about it. Many of us may sometimes may chance to see someone S H I T , piss or puke in our home , feel sick about it, but as we grow, we realize, what we thought of as a mountain, was no more than a mole hill. I hope the same comes true for you.If your therapist is not making you comfortable with your inner self, stop the therapy for a while. Hope you have a job to bring your attention to present and future prospects, avoid digging too much into the past of the family. It is dead past. cheers! Please try to avoid telling people not to care about their past. It is those who don't care that won't get better. The root of our love addiction is in our past. Even if you choose Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which does not address the past you cannot tell others how to feel. Our feelings are precious and important to us. Studies show that addicts do much better in transpersonal therapy which addresses underling issues like our past (child, teenager, adult). People who fail to this are subject to relapse. I am not telling you what to do. That is up to you. This is just advice. The past is never dead. It just goes underground for awhile and then comes back to haunt us. The major reason love addicts are drawn to romantic love is that it distracts them from the past for awhile. I say all this from personal experience and wish the best for you. |
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Post by akdkumar on Jul 24, 2019 9:22:14 GMT -8
Namaste:
I know it is not possible to feel otherwise even if you want to, when your feelings are coming out from deep inside you.
I was just putting in words how in my life how similar incidents impacted me.(for example, being abused by a male in my childhood)
There are different type of persons- feeling oriented and thinking oriented. I do not know which ~w~ belong to. I have appeared to myself to be a thinking oriented person. hence my reaction. For a feeling oriented person as you said, feelings are precious and important.
It for ~w~ to choose what suits her- she can drop my approach if it does not help.
There was no response from others to ~w~'s post: so I reacted.
As regards Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I am a layman in psychology and would need to research it(google it) to know what it is.
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Post by Namaste on Jul 24, 2019 16:23:41 GMT -8
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy* looks at the relationship between your thinking and your depression and anxiety. It was created for those who do not want to take medication. It is a scientific version of positive thinking (Dr. Peale)
Transpersonal Therapy explores your childhood with an "enlightened witness" (Alice Miller) as an alternative to medication.
I am a thinking person and I tried both. I practice both. Both helped. I need both. I am a work in progress.
Add to this Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne* and Thomas Harris.* This involves getting in touch with your inner child and inner teenager (ego states) and then learning to let your adult ego state make decisions for you. The child and the teenager are the love addict and the adult is your recovery ego state.
Feeling Good by Burns
The Power of Positive Thinking by Peale
The Drama of the Gifted Child by Miller
The Games People Play by Berne
I'm ok; you're ok by Harris.
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Post by kissers on Jul 30, 2019 17:48:32 GMT -8
My sibling molested me when I was 12 years old. I am very angry about it. I suppressed it for 30 years. It ruined my life.
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Post by sexlessw on Jul 31, 2019 15:45:10 GMT -8
Kissers:
Do you still interact with this sibling? Have you been through any sort of talk therapy about it?
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Post by kissers on Jul 31, 2019 16:06:59 GMT -8
Sometimes I do. I have not been through any talk therapy about it.
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Post by sexlessw on Aug 2, 2019 12:00:28 GMT -8
Kissers:
Thank you for answering my questions. This is a difficult topic to discuss!
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Post by ~w~ on May 10, 2020 14:53:38 GMT -8
I had flashback of my father on Top of me .. but I couldnt remeber as hard as i tried , then i though - felt that my Grandad raped me , I have a lot of feelings about this, I felt it was real but I dont know, I still self doubt myself arround those 2 people .
My uncle molested me , And another One use to chaise me And ridicule my private parts taking panties off ~8- 11.
I was raped 2 after that. But 1 I Only doscivered with help of therapist because I completely forgot it. Or was In Denyal about it.
I like sex , I was promiscous in my teens and had many relationships , was thinking of going to the sex trade as I like sex . I am In recovery from Slaa ,
Other issue is food that is difficult to work on. I been celibate for 2 years .
I think this was language of my Love , Or How I bonded with my Family of sex addicts .
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edoh
New Member
Attends the Friday Men's Zoom and some One Day At a Time Zoom, Hosts One Day Sunday evening meeting
Posts: 22
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Post by edoh on Feb 28, 2021 17:18:23 GMT -8
I grew up with alcoholic parents, a psychologically absent father and a malignant narcissistic mother who used verbal, physical, and sexual abuse to terrorize very young children to make them totally compliant with her every wish and demand. She was completely boundary-less.
My father died right after I graduated from high school. I was set up to go to a college 800 miles from my home. (All my brothers and sisters got the hell out of that house as soon as they were physically able. I was the only one left there.) The night my father died, my mother asked me to fix her drinks like my father always used to do. When it came time for bed she told me to come sleep with her. My parents slept in twin beds next to each other in the same bedroom. I started to get into my father's bed and she told me no to come sleep next to her in the same twin bed.
I have been in therapy for 20 plus years. I'm in CoDa and LAA and also reading through The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and also COMPLEX PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker. The coping style that I adopted to survive my home of origin was Fawn and Flight to use Pete Walker's categories.
I have concluded that my mother was trying to manipulate things so that I wouldn't go off to college and leave her alone. She was trying to lure me into a sex trap to keep me tied to her. Fortunately one of my older sisters realized what was going on and made sure that I got out of there and off to college. My mother did not lift a pinky to help me get ready to leave for college.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Mar 1, 2021 17:06:52 GMT -8
What a story. Reminds me of my own childhood. Alcohol, codependency, emotional and covert incest. Thanks for sharing this.
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“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it elsewhere." Buddha
