so it is obvious that you have suppressed rage that will eat you up inside if you do not get in touch with it to free it. you can find a healthy way to let it out or hold in and let it come out sideways, into that uncontrollable RAGE that gives you all that shame later. I know that too well!
Post by Jacarandagirl on Aug 22, 2012 8:36:57 GMT -8
Good on you paisley. So cool to read about your way forward. I also found out more about my anger since I started recovery. I can't remember what triggered the awareness but one day I was in the kitchen and couldn't find something or banged myself accidentally, and I realised how angry I was in that moment. Sudden, flaring anger. I didn't really think of myself as an angry person before that.
Since then I have become aware of my anger in those little moments during the day, and I just say to myself "I am angry". It's just good to notice it consciously. The thing I find that I am thinking in those moments is some kind of victim thought, like "I need to do this quickly" when I could slow down, or just feeling like life is out to get me. General victimhood! Since that day the amount of times it happens seems to be lessening dramatically.
The other thing about it that I have been talking about with recovery friends lately is the ability that codependent people have to deny anger. I think that's why it was good for me just to name it. I know I can be angry in a yukky kind of unspoken way, for people who live with me it's not much fun. Denied, but seeping out left, right and centre.
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com