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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 10, 2011 9:32:39 GMT -8
i am feeling alot of anxiety....I was reading last night from the book facing love addiction......I really like this book makes and it makes it so crystal clear...and i am feeling scared right now...and i just want to run and run and run from these feelings...my inner child is very scared...because now...i am emailing strange men....from craigslist....and i know its to make me feel better....and yet i am terrified to sit with those feelings.....i have been off of the dating sites for almost a month....i want to believe this isnt the same thing...like the dating sites i was on...and this freaking disease is so lying to me....is this a relapse...do i need to start over...and stop talking through email with these men....Also when i woke up...this morning...i had a dream that i was making out with Elvis...wow that was an awesome feeling..to wake up knowing...i went into the bathroom and notice i was having an allergic reaction to the nails i had redone on thursday....so had to make a call ...cause i was feeling so scared and worried...as if i was dying....and she told me...that i am in my inner child trauma....and the fear of it....and now i need to get in with the reality of this situation....i did get the nails off....but i still feel in the pit of my gut...this anxiety....and fear....and i am scared....
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 10, 2011 17:06:12 GMT -8
yes i agree with u...but in the moment...i literally scared myself as if i was going to immediately die...and i honestly didnt know what to do.....i did call my therapist and she directed me....thank God she was home....she did call me again when she returned home....and we talked for a few minutes...and when i asked her for an assignment.....she really wants me to accept the feelings and run from them.....and she suggested i read the big book on acceptance....i am not sure...i can sit with feelings at the time....i want to....i need too...i have to learn to do this....maybe i have more work to do on this....subject..i am not sure...all i know is....she brought me to the realization that this panic feeling was the trauma i was feeling when i was very young....and she brought me into reality...and then the rest of the day..my gut was ill ...and i went to the park for a 35 minute walk...and the anxiety was gone...i was in a perfect place....God's country...thank u Paisiey....i will write it down and post it around as a reminder....thanks again...Sun  |
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 11, 2011 18:00:38 GMT -8
omg...just the thought of that....i have never done that as my inner child before...i have been in recovery since 2007...i have done so much work....and i go very deep inside me....but to actually be that little girl...wow....that would definitely help....the more work i do....i seem to grow and envolve so to speak...i have to stop running....from it....it feels like i am instantly going to die....
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 12, 2011 20:15:38 GMT -8
well...it happened....my inner child kept reaching out for me.....i was running from her my whole life....and we finally embraced...i kept having these feelings of trauma.....and i kept having flash backs....into my childhood....and so many incidents were coming up....i was so scared....this has been continuous off and on for a couple of weeks....and finally today.....i was feeling it stronger and stronger....and then i made a call....and got support and then i got on the floor and cried to my inner child....eventually i wrote down on paper some questions with my right hand...and then my inner child wrote with the left hand....and boy...i will tell u...she was pisst at me...she told me i wasnt listening to her and i kept running from her....i apolized to her....and embraced her and promised i would always protect her and make her feel safe..and i feel so freaky....free...now....wow....that was awesome.........i can do this....i believe that God did this for me....i brought him in with me right before i did this work....and when i brought it to group with me....the therapist said...this is what happens when we put down our addictions...we have awesome break throughs.....wow...i cant wait to see how i feel in the morning.......
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Post by liveandlearn on Jul 12, 2011 20:28:15 GMT -8
Wow! That's great to hear! I also have to deal with inner child / childhood issues that I've been running away from in some ways. It's nice to hear that you are making progress!
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 12, 2011 20:39:12 GMT -8
yes thank u.....we can do this.....
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