Post by bklynrn on Feb 21, 2012 5:30:14 GMT -8
Hi All,
Whew, I woke up from a very very upsetting but super VIVID dream this morning....as sad and scary as it was it's telling me something very important and I realize my wounds are still laying within my unconsciousness...though now are in my conscious thoughts for a good reason....
I have to share a bit on my dad first....when my dad at 27 years old was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was about 4-5 years old at the time. He had surgery to remove a portion of the tumor but the surgeon also needed to remove a 4x4 inch portion of his skull to allow pressure off his brain. As a kid seeing this I was initially afraid but then became numb to it all...to see a gaping hole in my dad's head was not pleasant to say the least. After surgery my dad became very dependent....not able to work or be a care taker anymore....he died at only 32 and I'm still processing and feeling the grief that I never felt back then....fast forward
Last night I had a dream and my former therapist was in the dream. I had a dream like this once before....I'm in a very very cold but industrial area with tall abandoned buildings that have no windows...it's freezing out and I'm alone and wandering around looking for a place to go. I see one building ahead of me and it's the only one with a window and a light...i felt an urgency to go to that building for some safety and maybe get warm. I didn't like the cold, empty and scary feel of walking out in this area alone but I felt some safety in seeing that one light and one window....out of nowhere I see my former THERAPIST laying on a lawn chair near the building with the window....he's laying there with a tank top on and I'm thinking omg...it's so cold here, how is he standing this cold? I felt I wanted to take him with me to get him warm too....he then called me over and said '' come closer, I want to show you something''....I became VERY afraid but curious about what he wanted to show me...I went to him and knelt down next to him and he lifted his shirt to show me a HUGE hole in his chest....his bones where missing in his chest and he said '' a part of my heart was removed and they forgot to put back the bones''....I started to cry and wanted to fix it for him. His wounds looked similar to my dad's but even biggger and more dramatic..I told him we have to find the bones...he put his shirt down and told me.....''No, you gotta go now, I'm ok''..I got frantic inside and didn't want to go and I couldn't see the building with the light and window anymore.....Then i woke up!!!..That was tough, you have no idea how scared I was..I'm still in tears over this freakin dream....I know that my former therapist mirrors the wounds of my father's and me leaving him a few weeks ago somehow mirrors my dad leaving me when he died. It shows the abandonment and grief that is still within me...I'm obviously still grieving BOTH and still feeling both inside me and still needing to work on my deeper feelings cause they will get played out someplace else if I don't...I feel really sad this morning....really sad....but I know it's what I need to feel. Not avoid...I'm simply gonna sit with this and writing this dream out here ,so not to forget it, has just helped me too...That was scary!!! It was only a dream but has sooooo much meaning and is telling me a lot....I have an appointment with my new therapist today....i'm certain my appointment today has played into how I felt before going to bed last night....everything has meaning
Thanks for reading this....wow, that was tough
Whew, I woke up from a very very upsetting but super VIVID dream this morning....as sad and scary as it was it's telling me something very important and I realize my wounds are still laying within my unconsciousness...though now are in my conscious thoughts for a good reason....
I have to share a bit on my dad first....when my dad at 27 years old was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I was about 4-5 years old at the time. He had surgery to remove a portion of the tumor but the surgeon also needed to remove a 4x4 inch portion of his skull to allow pressure off his brain. As a kid seeing this I was initially afraid but then became numb to it all...to see a gaping hole in my dad's head was not pleasant to say the least. After surgery my dad became very dependent....not able to work or be a care taker anymore....he died at only 32 and I'm still processing and feeling the grief that I never felt back then....fast forward
Last night I had a dream and my former therapist was in the dream. I had a dream like this once before....I'm in a very very cold but industrial area with tall abandoned buildings that have no windows...it's freezing out and I'm alone and wandering around looking for a place to go. I see one building ahead of me and it's the only one with a window and a light...i felt an urgency to go to that building for some safety and maybe get warm. I didn't like the cold, empty and scary feel of walking out in this area alone but I felt some safety in seeing that one light and one window....out of nowhere I see my former THERAPIST laying on a lawn chair near the building with the window....he's laying there with a tank top on and I'm thinking omg...it's so cold here, how is he standing this cold? I felt I wanted to take him with me to get him warm too....he then called me over and said '' come closer, I want to show you something''....I became VERY afraid but curious about what he wanted to show me...I went to him and knelt down next to him and he lifted his shirt to show me a HUGE hole in his chest....his bones where missing in his chest and he said '' a part of my heart was removed and they forgot to put back the bones''....I started to cry and wanted to fix it for him. His wounds looked similar to my dad's but even biggger and more dramatic..I told him we have to find the bones...he put his shirt down and told me.....''No, you gotta go now, I'm ok''..I got frantic inside and didn't want to go and I couldn't see the building with the light and window anymore.....Then i woke up!!!..That was tough, you have no idea how scared I was..I'm still in tears over this freakin dream....I know that my former therapist mirrors the wounds of my father's and me leaving him a few weeks ago somehow mirrors my dad leaving me when he died. It shows the abandonment and grief that is still within me...I'm obviously still grieving BOTH and still feeling both inside me and still needing to work on my deeper feelings cause they will get played out someplace else if I don't...I feel really sad this morning....really sad....but I know it's what I need to feel. Not avoid...I'm simply gonna sit with this and writing this dream out here ,so not to forget it, has just helped me too...That was scary!!! It was only a dream but has sooooo much meaning and is telling me a lot....I have an appointment with my new therapist today....i'm certain my appointment today has played into how I felt before going to bed last night....everything has meaning
Thanks for reading this....wow, that was tough
Not sure u can get alot of therapy out of your first appointment...i am so glad you shared this dream with all of us....we are all here for you...In order to heal we have to feel it ...and Yes all over again ....but this time we are not alone...and we will never be alone again....So tell your little girl inside you....that you are here for her....and u love her and u will always protect her and she is safe with you....and hug her.....and hold her....and all will be okay...talk to your hp and u will feel safe and secure....and i am sure your therapist will have you re create this dream and bring it into today and with u....now that u are so much older ...okay alittle older....and u will be able to grieve....love you....hugs to u....Sun 
