dkny
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Posts: 173
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Post by dkny on Jan 22, 2012 9:15:41 GMT -8
I woke up with a lot of anxiety today. I mentioned in another thread last night that my POA was going out w/ a friend and her freinds last night. I acted like I didn't care and said have fun! But it killed that he didn't text me the whole time he was out. So I left him alone and never texted him. At midnight he texted me goodnight and that he would stop over tonight. I just responded with goodnight. It's noon, and I've not heard anything from him today. All I can think is, did he take someone home w/ him last night? Did he meet someone new and is with her now? It's causing me a lot of anxiety. I guess it's sort of withdrawals b/c I'm trying to do LC. I've already gotten up, showered and did a bunch of cleaning. But sigh, it's only noon. I have a whole day ahead of me to try and not freak out  |
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Post by alpha24 on Jan 22, 2012 9:24:51 GMT -8
I am at day 8 of nc and its hard , last night i had a dream i bought the same jacket as my poa and the feeling was so nice to have the same jacket as her !!!!!!!!!! complete madness , nuts , the best thing i am doing is nc because if i was txt in her or phoning or e mailing it would just do me in completely , as hard as it is , i know nc is the door to my freedom
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Post by Loving My Life on Jan 22, 2012 9:34:28 GMT -8
dkny, good for you for showering and cleaning around the house. Now something else with recovery, we have to speak our truth. all the questions you have, just ask your poa, and tell him what you want and expect from him. set your values and boundaries. And if him seeing is unacceptable, well there is your answer and you need to move on. but also if you are living with someone also, is that really fair, to expect him to wait on you? Just be honest with yourself, and ask him all the questions that you have. we have to be honest with ourselves first.
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dkny
Full Member
Posts: 173
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Post by dkny on Jan 22, 2012 9:41:03 GMT -8
I'm not living with anyone, just me and I have my 7 yr old son half the time. I already know the answers to those questions....my POA does not want a relationship at this time. He says we are "dating"...and that is no longer acceptable to me. So I'm trying to find a way to get to NC. On days like this though, it's so hard I have so much anxiety building b/c it's almost 1pm and I've not heard anything from him. I feel like panic is setting in... |
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Post by Loving My Life on Jan 22, 2012 10:13:57 GMT -8
dkny, And this is what I hate about all of this love addiction. But just try and get through one moment at a time, try and stop your thoughts, and keep moving forward. B/c you will if your like me just get tired of saying the same things over and over to your poa, and it just want matter much anymore, and the only thing left is acceptance. It will become crystal clear what the relationship was all about. My poa pinged me last nite after 3 days, it was just the same old stuff, i tell him what is going on, and just wanting to have a normal conversation with him, and he totally ignores me, my pain, everything. so it was all just about sex, and nothing else. and now 7 months out, he seems very very shallow to me. i need intelligent conversation too, I get bored...i need a challenge. there is more to a relationship than just the act of sex.
You and your son go and have some fun. do anything your son deserves your undivided attention. you are doing good, write and talk it out...
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Post by maryrod on Jan 22, 2012 11:19:29 GMT -8
dkny, I know exactly how you are feeling! My POA did the same thing to me over and over and over again! He said he would call me later and never did. Said he would call me the next morning and never did. Said we would go do something and we never did! I did this with him for over 3 years! Constant disappointment, constant neglect constantly!!! I would have panic attacks when he didn't call me. I didn't know what they were until I saw a Therapist a month ago. He never asks to see me on the weekends and well, a bit of my story is in the Newcomer section titled Newcomer if you'd like to read it. All my fears were true! This is my second day NC. It's not hard for me to not contact him, it's hard for me to not be contacted by him. The only thing he ever did for me was call. Without him calling me there was truly NOTHING! I have to accept that it is over because I no longer want to be unhappy and miserable! Carolyn is right, go do something fun with your son. He deserves it! I got up and went for a walk. I've been neglecting that cause of my obsession over POA. I'm going to focus on me and care for me. I'm looking forward to the 49er's game today! Keep posting, it helps!
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dkny
Full Member
Posts: 173
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Post by dkny on Jan 22, 2012 16:54:57 GMT -8
POA told me today that he thinks we should just be friends for awhile...out of the blue...and that I should give him back his key. I was devastated, blindsided. He said he feels guilty if he goes out and talks to other girls bc he feels like he's cheating on me.
I just don't know what to do. I asked him to come over tonight...I'm not sure why. Probably to beg him not to do this. He said it's felt like we were just friends for the last few days anyway. But yet yesterday he was texting me telling me how he compares everyone that he meets to me.
I'm so crushed. I know the relationship is toxic and so bad for me, but I am still crushed and panicky and filled w/ anxiety.
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 22, 2012 17:00:47 GMT -8
She/he who loves least, hold the most power in the relationship.
If you don't believe it, just read your posts.....
HaveFaith
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Post by margot on Jan 22, 2012 18:41:42 GMT -8
HaveFaith...........what about she/he who ACTS like she loves least.............in order to keep him from thinking and then acting like he's got me in the palm of his hand? Maybe it's a little manipulative but baby believe me.......it works. I don't want to be walked all over and I CAN resist calling him and I CAN and DO ACT ambivalent but really I'm not. Shhhhhhh. I really like him and want him to not feel smothered......want him to keep coming back. And so he does and he makes comments like. "there's nothing co-dependent about YOU". But I know better..........I've just got it under control and I love it.
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Post by margot on Jan 22, 2012 18:44:47 GMT -8
Big sigh................and when I'm obsessing with my thoughts of he/she/we/it/them/what/why..........I pray to my HP to take the thoughts away and give me something constructive and productive to think about, like how I can enhance my life and be of service to the people in my world.
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Post by Havefaith on Jan 22, 2012 18:50:44 GMT -8
Well thought out, Margot!
It is a fact -- the more clingy we are, the more a person runs the other way. When we love ourselves and want the best for ourselves, we no longer feel the need to cling and smother others. It levels the playing field, and makes for a healthier relationship!
HaveFaith
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