Ever since my last encounter with my ex I have cut off all contact with him, this was two weeks ago. Well I was "pinged" this week by him, and did not respond. I have now heard from his mother, whom I was VERY close with. I am hurt that she would use her relationship with me for him. I am angry that he would go to her with his concerns about me. My confusion comes from with what I do now. I have a relationship with her, but when its used in this context do I just ignore her? I have friends now, to add to the situation, who are trying to set up my ex. I just feel that I can't get away from him and it's affecting me still. During a relationship you form so many relations with other people and when the relationships ends, do you have to end all of them? I am a mess of emotions today over it all. With everything though I am proud that I have not contacted him, nor have I wanted too. That's progress! (Just to end on a happy note)
When anyone brings him up tell them you'd rather not discuss him or anything relating to him. Tell that to his mother, your friends and anyone else who mentions his name. You'll have to evaluate whether your remaining friendships with the people in his life (ie mom, friends) is worth it given your efforts at your recovery. Can you handle the constant reminders of your ex from these people? Can you handle the emotions these people may trigger in you? Will these people impede your recovery? Only you know what you can handle.
Should you decide to cut these people off, don't worry about hurting people's feelings. They'll get over it. At the end of the day your feelings and your recovery must come first. YOU are your primary priority.
Putting myself first is not something I'm use too. I tend to try and please everyone else. I have worked hard though at this, and while I think for awhile it would be a struggle (I'm trying to change something I have done SO long) it is getting a little easier. I do not jump at the chance to try and continue relationships that are unhealthy and if my ex is the only reason for the relationship then it needs to be over. Finding strength in other relationships has helped me see this. I hope to stay strong to this.
Putting myself first is not something I'm used too.
The first book I read about love addiction was Women Who Love Too Much. When Robin Norwood said "learn to be selfish," I could not say it. I changed it to learn "appropriate self-concern." But I can say it now because I have self esteem.
I think that when you break up it is necessary to change people, places and things, if only temporarily. Your recovery and/or healing from this person needs to take place and you do need to be a little selfish. When I was first in recovery, I ended MANY friendships becasue I was not strong enough to have negativity and drama in my life when I was trying to change and do better for myself. Only now have I started to let some of those people back (in small doses!). But I am much stronger and can handle it now. Don't think in terms of FOREVER. Just think temporarily.