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Post by staystrong on Aug 14, 2009 5:07:55 GMT -8
Will a healthy, normal life always feel boring to me? I'm starting to think it will. Which ultimately means I am bored with myself. Bored with the sober version, the version that is exposed when not high on limerance. It is just so sad.
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Post by Havefaith on Aug 14, 2009 5:27:17 GMT -8
I suffer from the same fear. I simply can't imagine (yet) what it will be like to be 'normal' - without the limerance, the intrigue, the secrets, the double life. I have to think that is the addict talking - telling me to hang on to the addiction for dear life....
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Post by staystrong on Aug 14, 2009 5:32:14 GMT -8
Actually I just was reading another post on self esteem. Someone said that emotions are the child and logic is the adult. I think that my inner child chooses to manifest as boredom what is really longing for attention. My childhood abandonment issues come up as feeling restless, anxious, and wanting to look for excitement.
When I FEEL this way I need to THINK that this is just me pining for unmet needs in childhood and not a sign that I need to alleviate the boredom with destructive behaviors. I cannot control how I FEEL, but I do have a say in how I THINK about my FEELINGS and most importantly my ACTIONS based on those THOUGHTS and FEELINGS.
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Post by Havefaith on Aug 14, 2009 5:38:25 GMT -8
Yes - points well taken. Bottom line for me -- while I process my thoughts/feelings, I cannot, absolutely, cannot act out. Nothing is accomplished, I don't move forward, if I act out. It puts me back to Square One. Acting out just jumbles up my thoughts/feelings yet AGAIN.
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honey
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Post by honey on Nov 12, 2015 9:44:44 GMT -8
YES. I really feel I need excitement to be alive. I think I have a double life. I dont know how to comfort my heart. I tried every thing but some times I just cant do it. I need attention to fill my void. so much unmet emotional needs. What can I do about it?!!
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Post by paisley on Nov 12, 2015 11:03:27 GMT -8
I think it's good to re-define what excitement means to you. I like to socialize and I like exciting adventures. There's no reason why I shouldn't be living my life to the fullest and experiencing what this world has to offer. I can't always run around and have fun, and some days are "blah", but my life is much more exciting now than it ever was when I was sitting around waiting for a guy to validate me or fantasizing over some unavailable man.
I think the fact that we say "now what?" after starting down a healthier path illustrates how much LA takes over and has us avoiding our lives. There's a billion other things to do on this planet besides participate in toxic or fantasy relationships.
I've explored my passions in life and have met wonderful people who have great character in the process. Now, reverting back to my old ways (obsessing, pining, complaining, waiting for pings and spiraling into depression over someone who doesn't care for me) seem pretty boring.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 12, 2015 11:32:41 GMT -8
YES. I really feel I need excitement to be alive. I think I have a double life. I dont know how to comfort my heart. I tried every thing but some times I just cant do it. I need attention to fill my void. so much unmet emotional needs. What can I do about it?!! We used to talk at AA meetings about this. Those that are fond of mood-altering experiences like excitement are vulnerable. Love addicts are particularly fond of excitement to dissipate depression. We start our enjoying excitement and over the years we go looking for it and if we can't find it we create it. This is ok with life-affirming excitement, but some love addicts get into negative excitement like arguing with a partner or accepting the chemistry of limerance absent compatibility. You get the idea. So in recovery we must get comfortable with mediocrity and boredom. I suggest we make a list of the kinds of excitement that are good for us and a list of things we have done in the past to stir up drama that are not good for us. You can figure out the rest. Since I love limerence, I taught myself how to have a love affair with my Higher Power. Poetry, prayer and meditation is how we communicate. Also, doing his will [service]/ No loneliness. No fear. No emptiness. A love of solitude. An exciting life serving you and God.
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honey
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Post by honey on Nov 13, 2015 15:44:42 GMT -8
Thank you so much Susan for your great response!
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Post by abetterlife on Nov 27, 2015 10:50:15 GMT -8
I felt like that for a while, "my life will always be "boring"... there wont be excitement like before! The answer I got from my sponsor just the other day was:
Oh you mean the daily drama? All the conversations getting drunk about how you were a victim because of "this guy" or "that guy", feeling like your life will never be a fariytale ending like you envision it to be, always wanting someone else's life and wondering why you cannot ever seem to get it? Not caring about consequences and living impulsively? Wishing you had more confidence and self esteem?
Don't give up before the miracle happens!
Little harsh to hear but I then realized that life in recovery, is so NOT that, but so much more.
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Post by leahb on Nov 27, 2015 15:12:21 GMT -8
Thanks for posting abetterlife! It's good to see you on here.
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Post by leahb on Jun 16, 2016 3:43:33 GMT -8
Hi Fellow LAs out there, Lately I've been feeling pretty down, tired and lonely. I know these are normal feelings for a love addict that is in recovery and I know logically that I won't be alone forever but it feels that way sometimes.
I don't like being single. I am doing it because I promised myself to do it as part of my recovery but I like doing it as much as I like doing dishes. Not at all. I'm counting down the weeks until I can date again and I know that this is the wrong way to surrender into my recovery but I feel so empty and dead inside. I want to get high on someone and feel good. I know that all feelings are temporary but when I feel this way it sure doesn't feel temporary.
I also know that I am cross addicted. I love to eat. It's one of my favourite things to do. As a result I've gained about 5 lbs in the last few months. The stress of buying the house doesn't help.
I still feel depressed and find it hard getting out of bed and getting going in the morning. I don't think meds will help me. I'm looking for a cure for this depression and I feel so down it isn't even funny.
I'm fairly certain I have bipolar disorder 2-but I am undiagnosed. I will Likely discuss this with my MD in a few weeks.
Anyway, that's where I'm at right now.
Thanks for reading.
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