Post by LovelyJune on Dec 17, 2008 14:06:19 GMT -8
I have been dealing with a lot of guilt lately, regarding my ex. We had this perfect, amicable split and then even began emailing a few days after the split. I kind of faked being nonchalant and detached...like, "yeah, cool, let's be friends. I'm already over you." But that was a HUGE lie and it ultimately came out in a confession that I still had feelings for him and needed to work things out. In that process I did what i needed to do: blocked him from viewing my facebook stuff (though still kept him as a friend), wrote voraciously, slipping in some angry rants about "boys who choose pot over me..." I even responded to one of his emails where he wanted to take my kids out to dinner etc. by saying, "don't 'pretend' like you care."
Not to go into too much detail but he, at some point, pulled back and didn't want to continue any more on the route to "friendship." Or if he did, it certainly didn't show. Some might recall him dropping off my stuff when i wasn't around and it hurt me deeply. Acts like that lead me to completely shut down and not want to write him anymore. I was done. And i have not reached out in any way shape or form for about 3 weeks now.
But what's nagging me, is this internal GUILT, like I've done something wrong in the break-up to have him ignore me and shut off toward me. I dream up ways to contact him some how so as to say, "forgive me if I hurt you during this break up..."
But then I think, what's the point? People get hurt during break ups. It's INEVITABLE. He hurt me too. He probably wouldn't make a very good friend anyway, especially if something i said during our break up offended him to the point of wanting to avoid contact.
The craziest thing is, that this is ALL an assumption. I have NO IDEA what he thinks or what he's up to. All the more reason to avoid "apologizing" under the pretext of trying to be friends again.
Anyway. i probably will never go back to him. But my question is, how do i get rid of the GUILT???
thanks!
Not to go into too much detail but he, at some point, pulled back and didn't want to continue any more on the route to "friendship." Or if he did, it certainly didn't show. Some might recall him dropping off my stuff when i wasn't around and it hurt me deeply. Acts like that lead me to completely shut down and not want to write him anymore. I was done. And i have not reached out in any way shape or form for about 3 weeks now.
But what's nagging me, is this internal GUILT, like I've done something wrong in the break-up to have him ignore me and shut off toward me. I dream up ways to contact him some how so as to say, "forgive me if I hurt you during this break up..."
But then I think, what's the point? People get hurt during break ups. It's INEVITABLE. He hurt me too. He probably wouldn't make a very good friend anyway, especially if something i said during our break up offended him to the point of wanting to avoid contact.
The craziest thing is, that this is ALL an assumption. I have NO IDEA what he thinks or what he's up to. All the more reason to avoid "apologizing" under the pretext of trying to be friends again.
Anyway. i probably will never go back to him. But my question is, how do i get rid of the GUILT???
thanks!