Expectations

I suppose there is room for the idea of expectations when it comes to science. I can expect something to fall if I drop it. The law of gravity. You can also expect that if you do the same thing over and over again you will get the same result (from Einstein).

But don't get trapped by the exception to the rule. For the most part one should beware of expectations. The whole purpose of the 12-Steps is to let go of control and exchange expectations for God's will for us. It changed my life because his plans for me were far greater than my plans for myself. As the book says, "my plans were too small."

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This is what I keep doing, making friends, then expecting too much, which they see as controlling and unreasonable, and they stop being my friend. In fact they barely talk to me anymore, even after I apologize (or try to..). But I do'nt think I really knew what I was doing wrong.

My POA used to constantly say I was pushy and I'd deny it.

To the other person, expecting too much from them is being pushy.

This is such a simple concept yet for some reason is very eye-opening to me right now. Thanks Susan.

Now i have to keep it in mind and rely on HP rather than expecting ppl to do or say what I think they should do. Any tips on *not* having expectations?

And something else I just thought about, when I first got sober in 2009 and I started working my steps, and I became aware that the world did not revolve around me, what?

I started to change the way I thought and my expectations of others lowered, and it is called in meetings, i became humble, none of this made alot of sense to me then, but it is a better way to live, because i dont stay so mad and upset with people.

We have no control over people, places or things, only our actions....

And one more thing and i will shut up, lol
Always look at your motives, when your dealing with other people, are you doing something, expecting something in return?, or are you doing something because that is what you want to do, without expecting much in return?.

The world doesn't revolve around me?? Wait what???

Ha ha ha requin....I hope that did not put a damper on your day, to realize the world does not revolve around you either....it took me awhile for that to sink in as well. hugs

Atlast, this forum saved my life, and the longer your here the better your life gets.

We are never alone, and we can just speak our truth, and before you know it, you have a logical solution to your problem. What a blessing.

We can do together, what we could never do alone.

And my favorite:
A problem shared is a problem cut in half....

Requin, as for expectations, lately I´m trying to look at people as if they were characters in a film, sort of like "hmm let´s see what they will do next". Because they never do what you wish they´d do, I´m just accepting it and trying to enjoy it being curious about it.

Lately I´ve had a very bad experience and a very good one in this matter.
The first one was when I was working with a group of friends from many years, all male. The "boss" started to bully me and became quite abusive, though I always thought he was my friend. I resigned and the others never even asked me how I was doing. So that was a huge let down. I don´t see any one of them as my friends anymore.
But you know, in the end it wasn´t so bad because now I feel perhaps they never were very good friends to begin with. It kind of makes me proud of myself that I can decide to break up with them, instead of settling for a disrespectful treatment from them.

The good experience I had today when I got two flat tires while driving my car. I pulled over and my ex husband called right at that moment so I told him. He came right away and helped me out. Then, while he was doing that, a couple who were walking by decided to help too. They gave me a spare wheel to borrow while I got the other ones fixed. It was so unexpected, they had no obligation whatsoever to help me.
So when those things happen you just have to be thankful, you know?

Don't you just love this. It is called "pay it forward," or "passing it on." These things happen to me all the time. I have come to understand that God does not prevent bad things, but he does take the sting out of bad things by opening a window or sending someone along to keep you company. Before AA I never noticed this.

I give credit to God rather than just saying it is a coincidence because it makes me feel loved.

Of course this all leads to looking at the glass half full which displaces such things as fear, anger, and depression.



Let's go back to the topic, "expectations."

This is definitely a grey area, but you still can't expect it in terms of making it happen because you expect it. But you can ask for this and make it a deal breaker if it happens.

On the other hand maybe there is a place for expectations but this does not erase the harm that having expectations can have.

Let's see what others have to say about this. Here is an article. Can someone google relationship expectations and give us some feedback.

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201008/expectations-in-relationships-the-flip-side-obligations

I was really upset this week, my sister has come to visit on holiday, so I thought I'd free sometime and WE could do things together. She brought my 13 year old nephew, anyway the second day she was here she got up and my nephew was still asleep he had slept late that night, no way he'd get up. Anyway we'd made plans the day before to go out together, when we realised our nephew would need sleep she made new plans for herself and said she'd go out to a museum, initially I acepted then on her way out I said I thought it was inconsiderate, it was also my holiday it was sunny and we had made plans. She mentioned she'd be back late afternoon. Yes our nephew was asleep but we could make an effort to wake him, anyway this spiralled into conflict, and when she came back my nephew was awake I asked her if she wanted to come out she said no. Later she said she felt I was rude to her. That same night she went to the movies with my nephew, they didn't invite me, just went out, they're staying at my place.

I went to sleep sad, bearing in mind the morning argument I excused it, I woke up in the morning to find they had gone out!! When she came back I snapped! This is also my time off, I'm sitting at home with no clear plans missing the sunshine no one is communicating. She insisted I was rude to her, I told her she could have asked me to join the cinema od day out the next day. Anyway, am totally exhausted, I acted out a few days ago, I thought I was folowing the steps and making amends by emailing my ex a card for a religious festival. We ended things on terrible terms, well he just ran. So maybe that's why I'm upset, I have also not been sleeping. Anyway, so my sis leaved in a few days, were under one roof, not communicating, probably won't. Miserable holiday. Sad times, already cried today.$ definitely need sleep. Maybe this started with my expectations. Anyway, don't know how to feel, or act. Miserable, miserable hols and familyhood! Feel stuff. P.s no response from ex. I have maintained nc for one year, maybe I'm in denial, but I only sent a message to make amends, expect no response or follow up, but feel I can move on now although my wound is seeping slightly!! ):