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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Jul 3, 2013 18:59:47 GMT -8
Dear Love Addiction,
I know A is back from abroad, I know the moment you hear his voice you hear wedding bells and dream of him loving you, and I know every time you hear anyone make a comment even the slightest bit,that he wont love and commit you feel sick to your stomach. But I need you to know it's over. Take the advise of your sponsor seriously and say goodbye. Cry, grieve, feel the loss, and please Give Up! This is a childhood wound we cant fix with him. Please don't double up your efforts or compromise your values or your needs. If you do I'll still love you, but we have done this long enough. Be honest in your group... feed the pain in our gut, not with hope with A, but acceptance. Move on, even though your scared...move on.HK
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2013 3:36:47 GMT -8
Dear love addiction,
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for distracting me in my childhood from all the chaos and hurt from my parents. You were my salvation, you kept me sane when life was imploding right in front of me.
I see you are still trying to protect me but I'm no longer that scared child I'm an adult now, I'm able to learn healthier ways to protect and love myself.
I hate hurting people but you are redundant in my life now, I will fight any attempts you try to keep me locked in your embrace because your stopping me living life to the full.
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Post by notcrazydave on Nov 27, 2013 13:33:48 GMT -8
Dear Love Addiction
You are a lie. You steal my dignity, and my sense of self. You take away friendships with your false promises. You give me pain that I don't deserve. I am enough all by myself. I don't "NEED" anyone else to feel valuable and lovable. You try your best to trick me into thinking I am merely helping the other person. This time the hooks got in, and it felt so good. But I am now trying to get my way back to me. Those "good" feelings were merely biological and from me not taking care of me. Now I may be hurting, but it is a good pain. Yes, a good pain, cause I am fighting to find my way back to serenity. I am powerless over you, but that does not mean I cannot recover from this. I can learn from it and find a new freedom. Your idea of a good time is to lose myself in another person. But when one is lost, they cannot truly be happy. I no longer have to search for answers in others. I can find the answer with my HP and me.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Feb 9, 2014 4:04:15 GMT -8
Dear Love Addiction,
Well today you tested me. I'm not all the way through yet, but I've passed the first level. My PoA emailed me for the first time in about two years and with heartfelt apology, sincere shame and remorse, newly off all drugs and alcohol, even tobacco, and getting counselling. And with a photo album of mine he says he has been too ashamed to contact me until now with. He wants to get it back to me.
I nearly freaked.
No wonder my HP hasn't chucked this at me yet. I struggled and it took nearly three hours to respond. I felt all the old desire for him, hearing his remorse. Hearing how hard it was for him to get over me. It's like my heroin.
I responded with strange control and politeness at first and then I got angry. I told him why I was angry. I used it as a chance to say some things I never said, like how incredibly sh*tty it was for me when I moved out. And how unfair it was of him to say I didn't love him, that that was why I was leaving. Absolving himself of any responsibility.
I could be in over my head even having responded. My email inbox feels unsafe to me now, now it's a place where I'm wondering when another email will come from him. I could just be overtired. I have a great life and knowing that he has regrets is OK. If he gets off drugs it's good. All power to him. I will never, ever be able to be with him again. He is dangerous to my peace of mind. I'm going to bed. I'm going to pray for help from my HP.
thanks for reading.
xx
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Post by CodepNomore on Feb 9, 2014 7:05:54 GMT -8
That is a hard test on your recovery. POA coming back as a drug-free...Good news and bad news?
If I may ask what is your thought on "once a POA will always be a POA?
Thanks for sharing. Take care.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Feb 12, 2014 0:05:01 GMT -8
I'd say I agree in general with once a PoA always a PoA. There would be exceptions to the rule. But they'd be rare. I found out after a second email why he is off drugs now, and it helps put the situation in perspective. I am excited to find myself hardly thinking about him. This has possibly made it even easier to let him go. It involves the police.
Whatever is the reason I'm doing well, I'm for it. I feel strong and centered in my recovery. Going to lots of meetings and doing step 5. For the first time I can really remember I feel utterly happy without a partner. I genuinely feel glad I don't have one, cos I love my life today. I love the idea of my future even!
More sacrilege to love addiction.
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Post by CodepNomore on Feb 12, 2014 8:05:24 GMT -8
That is a great recovery mindset and it is encouraging to read, especially for those who are still in contact with their POA.
(There is life after POA and it so much better.)
That is tragic for him though. Nevertheless, I hope it would be for good.
Thanks for sharing.
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Post by crazyinlove on Aug 23, 2014 21:45:30 GMT -8
Dear addiction, I don't want you, you tricked me with promises of bliss and happiness. How I believed you. I waited patiently,but you never came through with the goods. So now I'm left starving and miserable. I am determined to get rid of you, even if it means one piece at a time. No, I will never trust you, addiction. I will be on the look out for you. You and your bag of tricks, deception. You sold me a bag of goods. I didn't know you before, but I'm getting to know you now and what you do to people.
You are an illusion of happiness. How you tricked my mind, I didn't know you then, but now I realize what you have been doing. I don't want any part of you. This time when I get rid of you it will be different, because I'm aware of you and how you operate. You can not get me hooked again. Now my only problem is that you are stuck inside me.
I must get you out. I know what to do. I have to not have contact with you. I pray to my higher power to give me the strength to do this. And read post and also learn how other victims got rid of you. I know you are trying to destroy me, but I promise it will never happen again. Get out of my head, it took me a year to get addicted so maybe it'll take another year to break this addiction. I must do this. Even as I write this letter. I can feel u clinging to my inside. We'll see who wins.
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Post by LovelyJune on Aug 24, 2014 2:43:22 GMT -8
"Once a PoA, always a PoA"?
This caught my eye and I would like to add my opinion…
I believe this to be a false statement. PoAs come and go. It depends in which direction you point your addiction. One day it's Tom, another day it's Harry. The addiction may stay, but the players may change. Also, when you decide to sober up from love addiction and no longer use people as your drug of choice, poof! this erases any trace of a there being a PoA. I had one main PoA in my past, and if I bumped into him today, or even got stuck in a room with him for 24-hours, I would probably, if I felt anything, be awkward and want to leave. I no longer know or like that person. He's been erased. We change from one day to the next. We are not the same person we were a minute ago. Imagine years going into that equation. Trust me, PoAs do not last unless you let them.
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Post by Loveanimals on Aug 28, 2014 20:54:13 GMT -8
I 2nd what LovelyJune says, I had a huge POA from last year contact me out of the blue and I was annoyed and basically asked him to leave me alone. He really means nothing to me now other than an annoyance.
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Post by CodepNomore on Aug 28, 2014 22:34:05 GMT -8
For me, once I have moved on there was no turning back to any POA anymore. I would only feel "indifference" afterwards towards a POA . However, I have known others who are stuck with the same POA that even after many years have already passed, they still get enticed by their charm once near them. It's as if it's a sequel to their LA. The flame reignited just like that.
Therefore, I conclude that the "The Law of Individual Differences" could still apply here.
However, I would suggest that if you are in doubt as to whether a POA still has a "magnetic charm" over you or no more, continue to keep distance. Especially, if it's a "Triangle POA". Better to be safe than sorry.
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Post by rwatson on Jan 26, 2015 2:49:47 GMT -8
HI JG i like your post. thanks for sharing it  |
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Post by terryt on Jan 27, 2015 8:12:31 GMT -8
This is me on some days. But on many other days I am the strong warrior I need to be in order to keep "Love/Relationship Addiction" Where it needs to be......GONE AWAY FROM ME!!!!
Dear Love Addiction
You are so so so so seductive. I have an impossible time keeping you at bay.
The strange thing is....I had no idea you were even there or that it was possible to have you in my life at all.
I had no idea that I could be capable of harboring something or someone like you inside of me.
I thought I was immune from someone like you. Silly me
Where did you come from? How did you get here? And most important! When are you leaving?
I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't feel like myself at all. Not at all!!! like the person I was before you came along.
My life has become unmanageable with you here.
I have a difficult time making decisions when you are around. I just wait for you to make them instead.
I think my family is close to giving up on me. I know I am. I honestly don't know what to do next.
Just when I think you are headed out the door.....you turn around and come crashing back in. Not fair!
I've tried so hard to make you go. The old me would have had you gone in a second. But the new me is too tired to try anymore. I need help with you
When I'm having a strong day....its so much better and easier to keep you away. But when "he" calls....there you are.
You are not me....you are not what I am made of. You are a product of unhealthy and unhappy people I have had in my life. You are the product of other peoples addictions and behaviors. You are ugly and unhappy...you are crazy and unworthy of one minute of my time. I hate you! But....I also am grateful that you made yourself so present in my life. So now I can really deal with you and be done with you. Understand you and help you to not keep me in your clutches. To walk by your side....or I should say to walk ahead of you....you in my tracks.....so that I can live the life I was born to live.
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