How very true. It is uplifting to me to lift someone else up. It is reciprocal in that it helps me feel stronger. I am very happy to be connected w/ each one of you. Everyone that I have I "read" and interacted w/ have been a blessing. The energy here is very positive and I am drawn back again and again to experience the reinforcement, unity, and support. The power of one is good, the power of 2 and more is great, and the power that is higher is what we all have in common. We are a community.
It is a blessing to witness that when one of us is weak and struggling, the others reach out and are there. No judgement but only compassion and a genuine desire to help.
That helps me to keep on the path and moving forward instead of looking back. Thank you all,
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 22, 2012 11:02:56 GMT -8
October 22, 2012
It’s hard to forget the pain POA caused us, And it’s even harder when you see them happy While you’re hurting badly and it’s because of them.
The thing is…
Not everyone is going to leave a good memory in our mind, Some will wound us deeply And POA could be the most painful of them all. But we have to deal with it and learn from it, the sooner the better.
We cannot continue living in misery for the sake of keeping a fantasy alive in our head. We have to start learning how to face and accept reality. For only then we can live and are free to be who we are.
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 24, 2012 6:03:56 GMT -8
October 24, 2012
"Size Does Not Matter"
We live in a culture that values things that are large, extravagant, and impossible to miss. For this reason, we’re tempted to look at the struggles in our rather ordinary lives, and consider our victories insignificant if they’re not acknowledged or recognized by others.
But that’s just not true. Victor Hugo, the great French playwright who penned Les Miserables, rightly said our “greatest actions are performed in minor struggles. Life, misfortune, isolation, abandonment and poverty are battlefields which have their heroes–obscure heroes who are at times greater than illustrious heroes.”
It’s not the size of the audience, or the amount of applause, that determines the value of your achievements. Live your life in the light of integrity, though you’re not getting accolades for it. Remember, your true character is what you do when no one is looking.
“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. “ - Will Rogers
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 25, 2012 7:40:02 GMT -8
October 25, 2012
In 1948 Jackie Robinson became the first African-American to play Major League Baseball. He faced stiff opposition. Pitchers threw at him. Base runners dug their spikes into his shins. Fans mocked him and some even wrote death threats.
To endure this mistreatment, you’d have to be a sstuffper. Robinson was certainly no exception.
He was proud and competitive. But he also knew the right way to fight—and that’s what set him apart. Before being allowed to play, Jackie was asked what he’d do if another player hit him on the cheek. He answered, “Sir, I have two cheeks.” Robinson knew that real strength—the kind necessary to accomplish truly great things—is demonstrated in meekness and forbearance. With that strength, he changed the face of America’s favorite pastime, and in the process, helped change the face of America.
We can learn from his example—an inner strength in adversity; keeping focus on the task before us.
“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances. -Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 26, 2012 6:12:05 GMT -8
October 26, 2012
Positive Tactic to keep NC
"Delay and Distract"
Have you ever noticed that no matter how strong our urges to contact POA may be, most of them only last a few minutes? It’s true. And so I want to talk with you about a tactic that’ll help you make good choices in these times: distraction and delay.
When facing temptation to break NC, try to delay to act upon the desire you’re experiencing for fifteen to thirty minutes. What you’ll find is that you’ve gained a great deal of perspective and resolve in that relatively short but very important interval.
But while you’re delaying, make sure to use some kind of distraction or diversion—one that will allow you to think clearly about the choice you must make, while at the same time allowing you to distance yourself a bit from the temptations that cloud your thinking. If you don’t join distraction or diversion with your delay, you’ll probably find yourself just watching the clock and thinking about how much longer you have before you get to act upon it.
Get involved with something else such as reading recovery books, posting here, exercise, meditate, etc. If your desire has passed, then great—you’ve successfully avoided something you didn’t really want and didn’t need! And you save yourself from heartaches and troubles!
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 27, 2012 7:46:03 GMT -8
October 27, 2012
I am who I am. I don't ever want to change for you or anyone else. I'm not perfect. I run into things. I trip. I spill food. I fail sometimes. I say naive things. But that's just me. If I want to change, I'll change for myself and not for you or anyone else.
"If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful, it doesn't matter who criticizes me."
thanks for this great uplifting thread. Here's a thought I wanted to share...
I have lately found it helpful to think along the lines of, "I will not want.(period) I will be thankful for what I have. "
Wanting seems to be the basis of all toxic....they say money is, but w/out the incessant *want*, the money would have no power.
I believe it was Paul in the Bible who said, "I have learned to be content in all things" (my paraphrase). I think that simple truth has great weight for addicts like us who thrive on the drama of the wanting. When I start getting antsy about POA or whatever...I say, "Stop. I will not want. I'm ok as is." or the like, it really does help.
Post by CodepNomore on Oct 31, 2012 5:03:02 GMT -8
Nice! That's a positive note on contentment. Thanks Requin for sharing. Keep it coming.
October 31, 2012
Go ahead and admit it, you talk to yourself. It’s not something to be embarrassed about—self-talk can be used to your benefit in order to greatly improve your success in controlling your desires.
One way to use it is to constructively direct the anger you feel when you’re tempted by an unhealthy or inappropriate desire. Instead of getting angry with yourself, get angry at the offense, and at the stumbling block it poses. This will help you resist it.
Another way self-talk can be used is to confront yourself and your appetites in order to bring rationality back into play when temptation threatens to confuse and disorient you. When you actively engage your mind by talking to yourself, you’ll be less likely to act without thinking, and you’ll reinforce what you believe to be true, right, and good.
“If you hear a voice within you saying you are a painter, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” - Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890)
I recently heard a story about a woman who invited guests to her home for dinner. As they sat to eat, the woman turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, “Sweetheart, would you like to ask the blessing?” The little girl replied sheepishly, “Yes, but I wouldn’t know what to say.”
Mom spotted a teaching moment, and perhaps an opportunity to draw attention to her own piety. “Just say what you hear Mommy saying, dear,” she said. The counsel seemed to work. The little girl clasped her hands, bowed her head, and said, “Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?”
Life is a school for humility. And we dare not ignore the lessons.
A strange species of vine known as the matador grows in South America. Roughly translated, the Spanish word matador means “killer.” This plant has certainly earned its name. The matador begins its life growing at the foot of a tree. At first, it looks like a harmless little plant. But as it grows, the matador relentlessly winds its way around the tree, makes its way to the top, and slowly strangles the tree. When the matador reaches the tree’s top, it bursts forth in flower—as if celebrating its kill and crowning itself victor.
Many habits in our lives are like the matador. They seem harmless at first and grow slowly. But left unchecked, they’re dangerous.
Is there a matador-like habit winding its way around your life right now?
Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. Brian Tracy
Being positive means not letting anyone's opinion get in the way with your grace and joy for today. It's not others' opinion of you that really matters but what you are thinking about yourself. So today let go of others' talk and just live out your calling.
An editor of the Atlantic Monthly once told the story of a Harvard University freshman who was late handing in an assignment. He came to his professor’s office to explain. “I’m sorry, sir,” he said, “but I wasn’t feeling well.” The Dean replied, “Young man, please bear in mind that by far the greater part of the world’s work is carried on by people who are not feeling very well.”
Isn’t that the truth? Children are raised because parents are willing to exert enormous amounts of energy. Companies are built because people are willing to work hard. And communities are forged through long hours and persistent dedication.
Like-wise, recovery is a daily work and requires commitment and discipline...
Four inmates at the Greenville, Mississippi city jail were caught breaking back into their cells! And according to the district attorney, “It is entirely possible this wasn’t the first time they’ve done this.”
The four apparently found a way for repeated access to the outside world. Yet according to the police chief, “They didn’t seem interested in escaping, they just missed their amenities of life and went back to get them.”
This particular time, they returned to jail carrying a load of gin and marijuana. Ironically, these willing prisoners now face felony escape charges...Similarly, getting back to POA is getting back to prison for more charges!
Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction. How many of us have resolved to spend our days in prisons of addiction of our own making—prisons we’re able to escape through a recovery tool (such as NC) but won’t because POA provides us a semblance of false security, fantasy, avoidance of responsibility and reality?
“I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.” -Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
Great thread!!! Lots of good stuff here. Esp the story of Alfred Nobel. How true that if we could only get a glimpse of what our life looks like from the world's perspective, we might change. I was able to do this as part of my recovery. Step outside myself and really start to understand how others saw me. It wasn't pretty: I found that people thought I was unstable when it came to men, that I had bad taste in men, that people didn't trust me when I said, "I found 'the one!" It was humiliating. And so, I set out to change people's beliefs. ANd I did
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his extended family.
He would miss the paycheck, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house, the contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock!
What a shame!
If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well.
So it is with us. We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting rather than acting, willing to put up less than the best. At important points we do not give the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at the situation we have created and find that we are now living in the house we have built. If we had realized that we would have done it differently.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about your house. Each day you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build wisely. It is the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it for only one day more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with dignity. The plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself project."
Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today.
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is toxic - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
Thanks LovelyJune for posting them. I've read them before but it's good to be reminded again.
As I have previously mentioned in the first page that what I share here are from what I read, learn, and experience. Therefore, sometimes they are quotations or a newsletter that I revised to conform to the love addiction and recovery nature of this forum and sometimes they are just my own ideas. I want to give credit to whom it is due as much as it applies. However if I failed to do just that I am sorry.
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 10, 2012 8:45:22 GMT -8
My positive attitude continues to strengthen as I am practically l i v i n g it daily! It becomes my way of life! And that is what I am sharing here. For me, the best encouragers are those who have hit the bottom the most and yet managed to rise up again and so I think that is what makes me effective.
Post by CodepNomore on Nov 12, 2012 4:42:15 GMT -8
"I always feel happy. You know why? Because I don't expect anything from anyone. Expectations always hurt. Life is short... So love your life... Be happy... And keep smiling... That's Life... Feel it, Live it, Love it and Enjoy it!..." - Author Unknown
Last Edit: Nov 12, 2012 16:32:11 GMT -8 by LovelyJune