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Post by whynot on Oct 12, 2012 10:07:14 GMT -8
I have numerous issues surrounding my love life. I wonder if anyone suffers from this dissociative identidy disorder. They forget things or can't remember important information. I am lost because I am not sure who I am. My husband has become my 24hr therapist, and I hate this. He doesn't get time for himself and I talk compulsively for hours. If I am not talking I fall into a dissociative state, where life becomes like a movie. I often times become emotionally unavailable and abusive in this dissociative state. My husband and I have been together for six years and we have a perfect love addict/love avoidant relationship. We switch roles sometimes, but my husband seems to end up being my therapist 90% of the time. We don't have many conversations that don't involve me talking about my issues and problems. I often wonder why he stays? I know he is love addict and unable to be alone. We have broken up 4 times and 3 of those times he has found a new relationship within days, or while we were still together. The only time he did not find someone new lent chase to me which was worse than him finding someone new. I don't do well in relationships, and thus avoid them for the most part. I am painfully aware of my emotional defects. I love my husband very much. I am just aware of all the issues and my emotional defects, and I don't like to make people I love suffer with me. I just wonder if anyone else suffers from these dissociative states of mind because I am not sure where my healing needs to begin?
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Post by Loving My Life on Oct 12, 2012 13:08:46 GMT -8
Are you going to any 12 step meetings? or are you in therapy? Because until we find out who we really are, and why we do the things we do, we cant recover.
And you right, your husband cant be your therapist, you need someone else too help you work through this.
Have you and your husband been too marriage counseling?
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magickwomun
Full Member
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten".
Posts: 118
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Post by magickwomun on Oct 12, 2012 16:41:29 GMT -8
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, disassociation is a symptom, though I rarely experience it, and only mildly when I do. Lately it's been worse than usual, mostly "derealization". Here's an article about borderline disassociation. bpd.about.com/od/understandingbpd/a/dissoc.htm
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Post by eclipsemoon on Oct 21, 2012 8:08:01 GMT -8
I was diagnosed recently with PTSD from the sexual abuse I experienced as a child and a few situations with POA that were borderline sexual abuse and I get disassociation from these things now. There are times when my actions, especially with POA, seem like they are from someone else and that I'm not making the choices and that I have a hard time remembering them like they happened to me. I bought him a car in this state of mind. Almost every time I meet him I get in this weird state.
My psychiatrist couldn't recommend any real medicine to help but recommended therapy therapy therapy. I would say my states are very "mild" as well. I don't feel like I have multiple personalities but I definitely feel unreal at times and going through motions and disconnected from the world.
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Post by Susan Peabody on Oct 22, 2012 12:23:21 GMT -8
I hate my PTSA. Noises make me jerk. Strangers on the street frighten me. I can't go out at night unless I have been there before in the day light. I am especially tired of the nightmares. Evey night I am being chased or I am trying to find my lost babies. Home invasions are the worst.There is no cure. I might try the eye movement therapy.
The worst part. I get no sympathy. Everybody just rolls their eyes when I tell them. Except for my therapist. One day he changed our appointment to night time and I was so upset when I saw it getting dark he had to drive me home. But if I ever told my story you would understand. We have to live with the choices we make and I chose to run away from home and live on the streets.
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stronger
New Member
So glad to be away from my narcassist :) guess they are the last ones to know who they are ...:)
Posts: 6
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Post by stronger on Jun 7, 2013 18:09:21 GMT -8
There is definitely recovery for this.....mine seems to be more like a grief category to me in my recovery...I used to be very dissociated...so sad to think about that now... I had total amnesia from childhood abuse.....alcohol worked even better by 'topping it up' and giving me some way of being other than spaced out and shrinking when intimidated by others who were 'stronger' than me........even now I have to be careful the wording I use to describe and talk about because I get triggered to dissociate...... I am so much stronger now, and have to say that all of my twelve-step programs helped me tremendously...but it was Alanon that was the real clinker.........it taught me how to have so much patience with myself as a human being and be so gentle with myself in recovery... I just sat and listened a lot for years because I found all the feelings that came up were overwhelming and mind boggling...... I hope this helps...........but Alanon is the best!!!!
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Post by midnightcry on May 6, 2015 16:57:02 GMT -8
I suffer from PTSD and Bipolar Disorder type 2 and suffer from depersonalization. It happened recently with my LA relapse. Everything is triggered all at once! It's hell on wheels. LA leads to suicide thoughts and planning. I sought professional treatment the minute my LA was triggered or I should say I realized it had been triggered and I was in distress. This episode lasted at least several weeks, I'm not even sure. I went to my meetings, keep in contact with recovery friends, said my prayers kept close contact with counselor and doctor and it still lead to dreams of committing suicide. Dreams of sitting in my recliner and shooting myself in the head. I called for help immediately and I have started on some medication and I am feeling better. Thank God for this board and all the professional help out there, AA. I went to Al-anon for about 3 years and made no friends and didn't fit in. No LA meetings so I'm very grateful for this board.
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Post by midnightcry on May 6, 2015 17:02:26 GMT -8
I recommend professional help to everyone, my poor friends are all in some type of recovery and it is beyond the scope of AA 12 step recovery. I am alive because of professional help and I highly encourage everyone to consider it.
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Post by Susan Peabody on May 7, 2015 12:01:23 GMT -8
I recommend professional help to everyone, my poor friends are all in some type of recovery and it is beyond the scope of AA 12 step recovery. I am alive because of professional help and I highly encourage everyone to consider it. We need a combination of both. Patrick Carnes and I agree on this. The steps are about change, spirituality, self-esteem and taking action (doing something to get better). Psychodynamics is for releasing ourselves from the past. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is about "learning" how to get better through positive thinking. Watch out for things like Scientology. Most of the other stuff out there works together to help us.
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Post by midnightcry on May 8, 2015 18:21:34 GMT -8
I have had lapses in time , dissociative states that were bad many years ago. I called them White Outs. I would suddenly realize I was like 200 miles away from home and had no clue why, where what I was doing or going. I have been in recovery for 21 years and I only have these states on rare occasions. This recent depersonalization episode has not happened for many years. My LA had been in remission for 15 years so this relapse just spun me around good. Everything in my life is better with recovery. I have times when symptoms act up but nothing as severe as it used to be.
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Post by MsLearning on Aug 21, 2018 20:31:29 GMT -8
Wow. Thank you all for sharing your story. This is an eye opener for me. I have had someone close to me in the past tell me and asked me to look at how I disassociate and how I can be disconnected from the action I am taking. I had no idea this could be a disorder or linked to anything. I have plenty of trauma so it's super possible. I'm going to keep reading. Thank you again.
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Post by intothelight4 on Jul 8, 2019 3:42:04 GMT -8
A therapist I trust told me that I am dissociative due to having a sensitive nature and growing up with a violent father hence my tendency to revert to this defence when in a relationship with my Poa who I have the uncanny knack of picking with same father traits. When the relationship ends I sort of snap back into reality and it all just seems so unreal. Alcohol even just one glass, dissociates me as well.
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