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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 14, 2011 18:22:47 GMT -8
I've just hit an enormous emptiness inside me, triggered by my mother. I want to ask for help again, how do I mother myself? I feel like a little baby.
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 14, 2011 19:33:49 GMT -8
just begin with little baby steps....give your inner child want she wants......love...time and attention for starters.....read her a story.....play with her.....ask her how she wants to be babied...
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 14, 2011 20:35:35 GMT -8
how do i mother myself......i hug myself....i take very good care of myself...i eat good...i exercise good....i go to the doctors when i need to....i take my vitamins....i tell myself...i am good...i do everything for me...that my mother didnt and dont know how too...i nurture me....and i let myself know...how much i love me.....
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Post by LovelyJune on Jul 15, 2011 2:50:18 GMT -8
You're mothering yourself by coming here to seek help. Good for you. I call the "emptiness" of which you speak the "void. I believe it doesn't exist, even though we THINK it does. Here's my article on it: thelovelyaddict.com/2011/01/07/filling-the-void/ |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 15, 2011 4:53:15 GMT -8
@sunflwrs Thanks so much for your comment. I've been reading what you've been saying about your inner child, and noticing I have had some resistance to it. I can see why now. I'd like to embrace her more fully. I like how you talk about things...with your calm pauses...glad you are taking such good care of yourself...but so funny that you should say "read her a story". Yesterday i went to the library and got myself an Asterix and Obelix book from the kids section. I loved those books as an older child, and decided to treat myself to some light entertainment. It's really nurturing! I felt so happy reading it today instead of serious, intelligent newspapers. So thanks for the intuition and the reinforcement. I'm going to take myself to the library more often and read there too, it was a safe haven for me as a young child. lj. Yes, I am mothering myself already by being here. It's so good to have this 24/7 when I need it. And I agree with your void theory. I know exactly what you mean...it only ever feels like a void but never actually is one. It's more like the unknown, nothing to cling to. When I let go I'm always OK. I like the words of the Alanis Morisette song "the moment I let go of it, is the moment I got more than I could handle, the moment I jumped off of it, is the moment I touched down." Thanks LAArecovery board. |
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 15, 2011 7:54:16 GMT -8
Hi Jacarandagirl.....thank u for your post....its helps me so much too....what i say...is always what i need to do as well....there are no cnsequences....i have resisted my inner child long enough.....this week for me has been so eye opening...for me ....about my inner child...i have been journaling what is going on with me and my inner child....i believe we are trying to come together as one.....at first i ran from her....and then i embraced her...and then...i was angry with her...cause i wanted to be and stay alone...and thank God...what came up at of that....was...alot of emptiness....the more i felt like i didnt want to be bothered ..i made a call...which helped me to get to the next level...of this...and now i am at the stage ...where i am feeling all of the abandment....all of the no attention....and all of how my mother...was so addicted to what she was doing....that ...she just was where ever she was...and she is still the same way...with a man...and all for him....and i know she resents it today...but yet...the addiction is more powerfull...then her....and boy is that crystal clear to me....i also read something about that in the book i am reading called facing love addiction.....so now i have to sit with these feelings....and talk about it...for them to move on...and i am not running anymore.....when we resist.....it persists....when our innner child calls....for us...we need to be there for her/him...because no one else was....and thats why i think ...when i am not there for her....the addictions come into play....
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 16, 2011 4:56:35 GMT -8
Yeah sunflwr, so true about the addictions coming into play when I can't be with my feelings. That's exactly what the addictions are there for, to keep me from having to feel. I was so used to seeing that in my ex PoA and only recently become so much more in touch with how I do it.
I want to share with you an insight I had, with some help from a friend, about my mum. She is an alcoholic, and emotionally abusive. The gift for me in having her as a mother is that she has shown me the road I do not want to go down. She's shown me how badly things can turn out between a daughter and a mum, the track i never want to be going on with my own daughter. There, but for the grace of god, go I.
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 16, 2011 8:05:08 GMT -8
thanks for sharing with me....and i am glad u have realized this and you sound like you have come to terms with this situation with your mum.... I am ready to do this work ...with the help of all of my fellowships...and of course A number one my higher power...this feels so good to me...i never thought i would say that...i always wanted love from men that couldnt love me...and i thought that was enough...that was nothing..... this is what i have always wanted...i am on the right track this time....and it feels incredible....omg...thank u God... Yes...that is a great awareness and gift from your mother....awesome .....and now for me....my mother is so codependent with her boyfriend....she is in denial...there really isnt a relationship with her....other then talk about some medical things that come up....it feels so sad for me...of how much i lost with her.....and she has no idea....at all...i am so feeling the sadness about this as i type this....i learned to keep busy...and stay away from my kids...and i taught them well....and this is the second incident that came up....that i need to make different...i need to open up and share atleast with my one son right now....because...i was always running from my feelings...and i suppose that is what my mother is doing....what makes it worst is....she is dying of bone marrow cancer...and its getting worst...and i dont know where to even start...i would love to...be able to put things in its place with her...so that i can become at peace with it all....i dont know how....too.......i will pray on it....how did your friend help u even get started....i am crying as i write this to you.....cause its painful....and its so on the surface....Sun  |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 17, 2011 4:23:32 GMT -8
Hi Sun,
I feel sad for you, reading your post. I imagine myself in that situation with my mum, her being very ill and me not being able to connect with her still. I don't really know what is right for you to do with your mum. All I can do is tell you about an inquiry process I have used when i am suffering from feeling unloved and angry with people in my life. It's called The Work of Byron Katie, it is 4 questions and a turn-around. You can find it by googling. All you need to do is be able to write down a stressful thought you have about her.
I have gone from a very unhealthy situation where I used to try to stay above how I really felt towards her, to a kind of LC. I tried ignoring how self-centered she was when we spoke on the phone and tried to just be civil and do the right thing, visiting with my kids and not being rude to her. Truth is I resented the stuff out of her. And felt angry and hurt. During my rock-bottom crisis I stopped contacting her after writing her an angry email accusing her of being incredibly selfish. I was very very triggered by something she said. Anyway, now she writes to me every now and again and still talks only about herself. I struggle with feeling unloved and unseen by her. I have a lot of work to do on her. I feel so stuck with her, the same as I do with my girlfriend. I don't know how to walk away and I don't know how to stay.
OK, so this is a higher power issue. I'm turning it over.
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Jul 17, 2011 13:30:22 GMT -8
hi...and yes i agree to....turn it over and it will turn out....and now i have to call her back from earlier today...i havent spoke to her in a couple of days....thank u so much for your sharing....it makes me feel not so alone....and yes it does hurt us...but they have no idea....and they do it cause that is all they know how to do....that is how they take care of themselves....the more i say it the more i believe it....it does all work out .....somehow some way...our higher power does it all...in the end...Sun |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jul 17, 2011 14:25:45 GMT -8
Good luck Sun with your conversations with your mum. Remember to take care of YOU in it...even if the best you can do is to get off the phone when you realise you feel hurt and just hold yourself and cry.
My mum does care about me, she wouldn't email and send a gift for my birthday if she didn't. So I will take it as that, and not be bought, not be obligated by this gift. If I do that it is ME deciding I am obligated...regardless of what I think I know about her. ME robbing myself of my mum's caring.
You're not alone with this stuff Sun. I'm taking little baby steps here with you! xx
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