thanks run, exactly what my sponsor and trusted friends have suggested. I've been told on several occasions that what I am experiencing is part and parcel of hitting 5 years of sobriety. It's a new, emotional sobriety.
The good news is I was able to read what I consider to be an offensive and irrational email, accusing me of many things, see her disease, and let it go. It wasn't EASY but I did not react. I did see how I have treated others like she treated me in the past. It's very humbling.
Last Edit: Oct 5, 2011 16:21:44 GMT -8 by happyberry
HB I just got back from working with my sponsor. She helped me uncover rage I'm still carrying from my childhood. It bubbles up in strange ways. Argh. It's like...really? Still? I've been processing this for a long time.
I don't think we're going to be done in this life time, it just gets less and less. As she mentioned we're starting the healing that took thousands of years for our ancestors to create. That's a lot of work!
Her advice is: you just have to feel it. Give it some time, beat a pillow or something for a few minutes. Then let it be. If we don't allow ourselves to feel it, then we go into our fantasies and other acting out to help distract us.
Shame is what I found myself in bed sick with, I really thought I was ill and it was just a feeling I hadn't let myself feel before, not like that. That was me bottoming out 15 years ago.
Shame is so core to our addiction. It's kind of weird to say but I think you allowing yourself to actually feel that shame is a big triumph. Congratulations!