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Post by addicted on Nov 18, 2011 4:35:34 GMT -8
Does anybody else suffer from morning anxiety/panic especially upon waking? I am finding it very hard to cope with. I feel very afraid but I don't know what exactly I am afraid of. Maybe it's just the shock of going from sleep to waking and remembering all the chaos/craziness in my life.
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 18, 2011 4:58:04 GMT -8
I definitely suffer from anxiety, but mine usually comes at night. My guess is that you are afraid of the overwhelmingness of the day. It's not so much about wanting to not "remember" the craziness of your life, as much as it is dreading your current responsibilities, maybe? Are you paying your bills? Taking care of yourself? Enjoying work? Addressing your fears and other issues instead of running away from them? What is your present life like? Try to figure out what exactly you are afraid of.
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Post by happyberry on Nov 18, 2011 6:53:39 GMT -8
Yes I have it very badly at times and have struggled with it in and out. It ebbs and flows.
have you ever meditated? It's not as simple as saying meditate but there are a million bazillion guided meditations you can download or get podcasts of.
Are you in early recovery? Are you on anxiety meds?
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Post by addicted on Nov 18, 2011 10:19:51 GMT -8
I have been in another fellowship for 20 years-it is called Emotions Anonymous -12 steps just like all the anonymous fellowships. So I am not new to all of this BUT my love addiction began one year ago and hit me like a ton of bricks. Along with it came this terrible anxiety. Oh I also started with mania -first time for that too. Then I went into a deep depression. I take a lot of meds but nothing gets rid of the anxiety in totality-esp not the morning anxiety. Each day does seem overwhelming even though I know it is not really and I cope well with work and other responsibilities. Meditation seems impossible to me -I cannot sit still for it and my mind races. I know I should do it anyway.
I have terrible abandonment feelings when I am not in contact with my poa. This stems from childhood issues. I have gone through NC before -once for 3 months - then I always go back. I am attempting this once again but the fear is so strong.
I have a loving husband and a 20 year old son -doesn't seem to factor into this at all. It's crazy I know. I am so obsessed with this other man. He himself is engaged and will be leaving the state forever in April. So no matter what I will be without him then. Sigh. I'm sorry that I wrote so much -it's all pent up inside me bc this is so shameful. Only my therapist and 2 other people even know about this. Thank you for reading.
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Post by happyberry on Nov 18, 2011 11:01:51 GMT -8
sounds like your anxiety is related to your love addiction. Maybe time to work on that. If you have it during early NC I'd say it's normal and it will go away with time. Have you sought therapy regarding your childhood issues.
I'd say stick with NC and know it'll be way way better than being stuck in the destructive cycle you're in.
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Post by LoveParis on Nov 18, 2011 11:32:34 GMT -8
What's ebbs and flow?
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 18, 2011 13:07:48 GMT -8
changes...goes back and forth...
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Post by calvin on Nov 18, 2011 13:24:19 GMT -8
addicted; there is nothing shameful about the feelings you are having. Recognise and feel them, just maybe careful not to act out and do something you may regret because of them. I've been aware that I have ignored my feelings in the past, or excused them, belittled them. Today a friend wanted to go for a drink this evening and I said no because I wasn't feeling up to it and it felt good to acknowledge that I am Mr McMisery at the moment! I too have a PoA, and for me it is all bad news. 3 months this weekend NC. It still kills me. It still fills my head. And yet, as LJ wrote, I have asked myself what is the benefit to me of being in touch with him? There are none. I want him to save me. He can't. He can't save himself. So I continue reading and working on my self-esteem so that I can get out in the world and enjoy myself and my own company. It is heart-breaking. It is incredible hard work, but its a challenge you can take one day at a time. I got through today without getting in touch with him. I'll try and do the same tomorrow. Wish me luck! I send you strength and good wishes.
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Post by margot on Nov 18, 2011 21:16:58 GMT -8
Addicted............I suffer from anxiety throughout the day whenever I think of things that scare me..........like not being loved, not having enough money to pay bills or eat or feed my animals, thinking I will be living all alone forever and ever. Just stuff. I often don't know why I'm panicking .
These panic attacks are horrendous, I have to call on HP to help me thru them. The sorrow is very deep and I am constantly apologizing to HP for having such little faith and for giving in and weeping and my head inside screams for help. It's vicious and quite frequent.
I wasn't always this way but I have been for years now. I hope. Hope sees me thru to the next little while. Also whenever I have them at home I'm grateful that I live alone so I don't make anyone else sad by seeing me. I wonder when it will finally end. Probably whenever I get real close to HP again........maybe then. Maybe also when changes happen.
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 19, 2011 4:26:51 GMT -8
What's the absolute WORST that can happen if you never see your PoA again? Let's go there...
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Post by addicted on Nov 19, 2011 7:07:49 GMT -8
Margot thanks for sharing your experience-it helps to know I am not alone. I found the books by Claire Weeks to be very helpful for dealing with panic/anxiety.
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Post by addicted on Nov 19, 2011 7:14:36 GMT -8
Lovely June -that is the most profound question that I have ever been asked-gets right to the heart of the matter. It FEELS like if I don't see my poa again that I will literally die-it is an abandonment issue -goes back to my childhood (yes I am in therapy). Another thing is that this whole crazy thing is a distraction -from what? From some unhappiness in my life that I am hiding from? Midlife crisis perhaps? I am happily married believe it or not and have a job that I mostly enjoy. But I must admit that I feel unfulfilled in life and like I missed the boat somehow and now it is too late. Thanks for your question. Very helpful.
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Post by margot on Nov 19, 2011 8:21:04 GMT -8
Usually I don't consider my present BF a POA but sometimes I do. It's hard to know and sometimes I don't want to know cuz he's the first friend I've had in 3 years........first friend period. LJ, if I didn't have him I think it would be harder for me to cope than it was when I didn't have him 4+ months ago. Being the sick LA that I am, with multiple type symptoms............I am grateful that I have this board and all of you to discuss possibilities with. I am trying to be grateful for what I do have and not be crying about what I don't have.
Addicted - thank you for the Claire Weeks tip.......I've made a note of it.
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Post by Havefaith on Nov 19, 2011 9:00:07 GMT -8
"There is a rhythm and flow to Life, and I am a part of it" -- from Louise Hay's Daily Affirmation website.
I love this -- it helps to quell the anxiety I feel so often. When I go against the flow - when I try to control those situations that I truly cannot - when my rhythm is out of sync with my true self - that is when I am fighting Life, that is when my anxiety rules the day.
This is not to say I 'flow along' and go along with anything anyone tells me or advises me. My flow and rhythm must embrace Life's truths -- then I am granted a peace and serenity that I so wish for... One day at a time.
HaveFaith
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Post by Havefaith on Nov 19, 2011 9:08:38 GMT -8
Margot, it's ok to cry, it's ok to grieve. But I try and have a faith that tells me if there is something I don't have in my life, there must be a reason that surpasses my current understanding. If I continue following Truth and the HP of my understanding, I will get exactly what I need to live and love in a healthful way. May it be so for all of us who struggle with addiction.
HaveFaith
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Nov 20, 2011 13:09:20 GMT -8
It's very important when you are someone who has strong fears or panic attacks, or anxiety, to be able to identify exactly what it is that you are afraid of. The emotions are very overwhelming when they come all over you so strongly, it makes it even more important to know what was the thought you had before the first wave of emotion came over you? Find out and write as many down as you can find. They are concepts you believe about your life and while you believe them unquestioningly, they will run your emotional life and your reality. Look at the statements you wrote down and ask yourself if they really are 100% true. Spend some time on this and you may find something interesting happens inside you.
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Post by looking4direction on Nov 25, 2011 17:45:43 GMT -8
I have anxiety in the morning, too.
It takes me forever to wake up and I set 2 alarms in the morning.
I needed to respond to this because I could really relate.
I have reason to believe my anxiety, too, is related to my addiction.
Carol
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Post by Loving My Life on Nov 25, 2011 19:07:30 GMT -8
I know today & yesterday ive had some anxiety going on, ever since my poa pinged me on wednesday afternoon, i dont want to go back to where i was in july, but it stirred me up, So yes it is this love addiction, and fantasy. i feel better right now, but it usually takes about 3 days to settle back down. Just hang in there, keep sharing, writing, and pampering yourself. it gets easier. One Day @ A Time.
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