Sponsoring My Sponsor

runrunrun
Elder Member

Moderator and Step Sponsor

Posts: 1,953

Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 7, 2011 17:26:24 GMT -8

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Post by runrunrun on Dec 7, 2011 17:26:24 GMT -8

I have realized just recently that I am sponsoring my sponsor. When she calls its always to talk about her issues. She will listen to mine for a bit. But I would say 90% of the time I listen to her issues and give advice. And the crazy thing is she is way ahead of me in recovery. So I am just guessing at the advice I give her.

I had a similar friend like her a year ago. Whenever she called I would have to set aside an hour or so just to listen to her issues. Then when I needed some thing she would never be there for me. I removed that friend from my life.

My sponsor does listen and help out But its very one sided and I really shouldnt be sponsoring someone who is far ahead of me in recovery.

I see codependence in this relationship.

RRR

Last Edit: Oct 29, 2012 11:39:38 GMT -8 by CodepNomore

"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso

addicted Full Member Posts: 113	Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 7, 2011 18:34:45 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by addicted on Dec 7, 2011 18:34:45 GMT -8 I had the same problem but I brought it to my sponsor's attention and she did change her ways. So a conversation might help before you throw in the towel. Good luck!

Herenow Elder Member Posts: 727	Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 7, 2011 18:37:09 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Herenow on Dec 7, 2011 18:37:09 GMT -8 Yep sounds like you need to set some boundaries and maybe discuss how you are feeling. She may not even be aware of the dynamic. Its great practice to let people know how you are feeling without making them wrong.

runrunrun Elder Member Moderator and Step Sponsor Posts: 1,953	Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 8, 2011 14:14:04 GMT -8 Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by runrunrun on Dec 8, 2011 14:14:04 GMT -8 Yep its a boundary thing. I am new to boundaries and will have to think it through as to how i will word it. Thanks
	"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso

Herenow
Elder Member

Posts: 727

Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 8, 2011 16:13:52 GMT -8

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Post by Herenow on Dec 8, 2011 16:13:52 GMT -8

Yeah, take your time and work with it, share it with us or friends you can trust. Make sure you get all your feelings felt and then go forward with what you want to say. I finally got how boundaries are really good because the help define me, what I will and won't tolerate, what I do and don't like. It took a while to understand it, I had none for the longest time but now I am practicing them and it works!
Good luck! You'll do great cause it is all about learning!

runrunrun
Elder Member

Moderator and Step Sponsor

Posts: 1,953

Sponsoring My Sponsor Dec 10, 2011 4:26:52 GMT -8

Quote

Post by runrunrun on Dec 10, 2011 4:26:52 GMT -8

ANd she will understand boundaries too. Yep thanks for the advice. Its high time I learned how to set boundaries too. I mean last time she called I was out of breath and on the stationary bike. She asked how much longer I had to finish my workout. I told her 30 more minutes and she said by then she wont be able to talk. So she asked if I could listen to her while I was biking. naive me was like 'sure'. Time for change.

RRR

"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso

Post by runrunrun on Dec 7, 2011 17:26:24 GMT -8

Post by addicted on Dec 7, 2011 18:34:45 GMT -8

Post by Herenow on Dec 7, 2011 18:37:09 GMT -8

Post by runrunrun on Dec 8, 2011 14:14:04 GMT -8

Post by Herenow on Dec 8, 2011 16:13:52 GMT -8

Post by runrunrun on Dec 10, 2011 4:26:52 GMT -8