Post by leighanne885 on Dec 6, 2011 9:21:36 GMT -8
When my POA left me, I was completely destroyed. I was panicked, and I wasn't sure I could keep myself safe, so I left NYC and came to New England to be with my family. It's been a week...and I am going back to NY today. I'm panicked and sad and dreading it. It's like returning to the scene of the crime, and I'm the chalk outline on the pavement. I know it's going to be extremely difficult. I know it's going to be hard because everything is going to remind me of him. I have a job to go back to and a roommate and I love to run and work out so I know that I will just have to concentrate on those things... I'm just so SAD. I miss him so much. I've been crying a lot today...it was easy to feel the separation here in NH, but I know when I get back it's going to be different. I'm going to feel closer to the whole situation, to him. I know I have to take it a day at a time, or an hour at a time. I'm just pained by how hard it is.
Knowing this place is here for me to go to and post and read is definetely going to help.
Thanks for reading, any comments/ advice is welcome!
Remember this -- he is MARRIED. This is not just about you and your pain. It's about the potential pain of other people in his life, in your life. Our actions affect others -- don't ever forget that. And, generally speaking, those 'others' are innocent bystanders who do not ask for, nor deserve, the potential pain we could inflict upon them with our behaviors.
Post by leighanne885 on Dec 6, 2011 12:54:58 GMT -8
While your words sting a little, you are completely right. There are plenty of innocent people that would be hurt. Someone told me on another post that he tried to end it with the least amount of hurt...and that was me. I was sacrificed. I understand. I have no intention of breaking NC. I just have a lot of grief right now...over the loss of him in my life. He's gone....and I'm left with the hole in my chest. At least it's there now...
I am beginning the steps, so I will try to focus on that.
L -- if those words sting, I understand. When I was 23 (exactly your age) a married man seduced me, I loved the attention, fell hard, and then - he left. I speak from experience. Sadly for me, I continued a patten of sex/love addiction which I have only recently addressed and am starting to recover from. I'll be 53 in January -- do the math -- I have been prey to this addiction for 30 years. That I'm even functioning is a miracle in itself. But here I am -- just learning how to live with Dignity of Self -- and am very grateful for that.
Last Edit: Dec 6, 2011 13:22:37 GMT -8 by havefaith
Havefaith, I hear you, I am 54 and finally "sober" and in recovery. Leighanne885 now is the time to work on yourself, be gentle with your pain, take hot baths, long walks, run, work out, talk to good friends who can hear your pain but not judge you. Journal journal journal and get to meetings, LA or al-anon or anything that deals with co-dependency. We have a disease that progresses if left untreated. And though we do cause other people pain with our addiction we are the biggest victims of our disease. Good luck and have a plan in place, know who you can call and how you will deal with the pain of withdraw and NC.
Post by sillypoppet on Dec 6, 2011 21:19:21 GMT -8
Yep, I fell victim to that story too. I was 23, and I ended up sleeping with a guy who had a fiance (practically married). Lucky for me, he lived across the country so I was able to cut it off fast.
Just take care of yourself. Try to enjoy the little things in the day... every bit is going to help you move forward. Speak positively towards your self and others... if you catch yourself being negative, find something good about your current situation.
you will make it. Try to remember you got involved with a married man, so on some level you knew he wasn't there. I find it helps when I remember I am not a victim. You WILL make it through this. Get to a TON of meetings and do a TON of self care. this could be the best thing that ever happened to you if you are willing to work on you.
I contacted a psychiatrist for my depression due to my workplace bullying, ostracisation
He touched me inappropriately. I stopped attending his sessions. He added me on linkedin. I felt weak and attended session with him again he touched me again. and asked me to add him on other social networking messaging app.
i fell weak and added him. initially we chatted well but then chat proceeded to sexual scenario. i got angry and after 4 months stopped chatting. i quit contact for 4 years
But he would put sad status messages on the App. I got tempted as my own marriage was crumbling. We have a sexless marriage and my hubby acts very weird and naive. We dont get along and are on two different page.
So i got tempted to text this POA again. Again he would chat about asking me to send him some revealing pics i did send him some pics. everything went well.
but whenver i used to ask him for date, going out etc he used to make excuse and weekends he wont reply to messages has he is going outstation with wifey and extended family.
i still continued talking to him. since anyways i was quite bored with scenario at homefront. Being married for 16 years and had a arranged marriage to a guy who is just opposite to all that i am. He is atheist I am spiritual, he is smoker, drinker I am teetotaller, he is spendthrift and I am money saver. constantly we are bickering at home.
And yesterday on his birthday he took me to a pathetic restaurant for dinner i told him not to take me there he wont listen i ended up having severe diarrohea after eating that tasteless food. We are together just for sake of our 12 year child.
So now my POA isnt communicating nor texting just because i told him angrily something rudely. I did apologise. I know i am wrong, i shouldnt play with fire.
I should just continue with my marriage as i am financially dependent on my spouse. And moresoever my POA isnt going to leave his spouse she is a highly qualified well earning sucessful career women. He needs that kind of money for feeding his two kids.
So just continuing with my life. Asking for strength from God. Trying hard to heal from childhood abuse, abandonment, rejection, learning to love myself.
I am so sorry and mortified that a professional crossed that boundary -- he should NOT be allowed to practice psychiatry -- it is an abomination that he is causing more damage to patients who come to him in a vulnerable mental health state. He should be reported to the authorities.
There is hope and healing -- but clearly not with this person.
My first therapist seduced me and then dumped me. I came to him because I had been a prostitute and I needed him to build my self esteem not shame him. He actually paid me to have oral sex in his office. I, of course, blamed myself and went on with my life. I finally confessed years later and could not remember his name. But you can remember his/her name. Report him. He needs a wake up call so he can go on to be a better therapist. Stay calm and collected, but do it. Susan