i'm planning a trip to a location that my ex and i were looking at for a honeymoon, i feel guilty that i will go with friends now. i am a little more well-traveled than him, which is a blessing, i feel bad. i feel like maybe i was selfish in the relationship, thinking of my needs, as once i went away for a weekend to relax, and i didnt tell him till i got to the location. The relationship was long distance, but he went mad, i feel like im swanning off having a nice time and that this is selfish.
i feel lucky, but feel like i dont deserve this almost. this cant be rational right?
Post by Loving My Life on Jun 1, 2012 12:50:49 GMT -8
newbie, you are right, you can do whatever you wish, enjoy your trip. i know with myself when good things happen to me and i look out for me, i have a tendency to feel like i dont deserve this. We just have to learn it is ok to enjoy our own company. Love yourself first. Have a nice relaxing and pleasant trip.
One day at a time :-) :-). . .We can do together, what we could never do alone. :-) And a problem shared, is a problem cut in half. :-) :-)
newbie, has going on this trip at the same location where you and your POA planned your honeymoon triggered any other feelings other then guilt? If not, then I'd say you are doing pretty well in your recovery!
I myself try to avoid places I used to go with my POA for fear they will trigger old memories and bring on sadness. NO you shouldn't feel any guilt, especially since he walked away from you! I hope you have a wonderful time!
Thanks Max, no, i just feel a little guilty. but i worked hard for this trip and im funding it. I've convinced myself im worthy of being treated well and loved and that my POA dumping me was nothing to do with me more than it was really to do with him. I'm not a bad person, so i dont feel any other issues to be honest, i tried my best, im not perfect, but no one is. It's just literally, i feel a little sympathy for him, and we discusses a honeymoon, which was the first time in my life. so, i guess, i feel remorse that we may have been spending that special time together and now im going with friends god's willing. anyway, i really shouldnt think about him. he left me, and i was in tears, i guess i have to go on and live my life, i think it's kindness.
Dealing with guilt is a big issue for codependents. We often set aside our needs/wants to take care of everyone else. Then when we attend to our needs for the first time we feel guilt. I am dealing with it too. So I take it slowly. As in one small thing for myself then move on to bigger things. I too am planning a trip with daughter and am considering my wants/needs for the first time. Usually I just go whereever the kids want to go.
I would bet some of the good books on codependency address this issue.
"Nothing in life worth having ever comes easy" Bob Kelso