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Post by LovelyJune on Jan 20, 2012 8:44:31 GMT -8
Today, I'm celebrating 4 and a half years in recovery from love addiction, and 3 YEARS of experiencing a wonderful, peaceful, loving, passionate, MUTUAL relationship with a good, honest, loving man.
I remember the day that I was at my lowest point. Crying over another "jerk." Why doesn't he love me, was my only question. i was so limited in what questions to ask. And then it hit me. I shouldn't be asking that question, I should be asking, "Why do I allow myself to date this kind of person?"
From then on, I decided I would rather be alone the rest of my life than ever be treated like stuff or neglected again. I stuck to that promise, and life changed for me.
I don't care how sad and mopey and tormented you are today. Force yourself to see that you are WORTH MORE than the groveling and the crying and the begging. You are WORTH MORE than the wondering!!!!! Build your self confidence by asking the right questions. "Don't I deserve better than this?" Stop wasting valuable time focusing on HIM. FOcus on you. WHat do you want? Write a list. You can't get it from him. You can't get blood from a stone!
Look for your life, not in others, but in yourself. When you truly change a better class of people want to surround themselves with you. It's the law of attraction. Water seeks its own level.
Every day I am grateful for my situation. But I always know it can change in an instant. ANd yet, what makes me deeply happy is that I know I will be OK, no matter what happens. How so? Because it's not about the man or the relationship. It never was. It's about my own personal strength. And it's about yours too!
SO...stick to NC. Fight a little harder for yourself. NC is a gift you give yourself. It's a way to say, I am too good to grovel for sstuffs. I have standards.
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Post by dharmagirl on Jan 20, 2012 10:33:58 GMT -8
Thank you LovelyJune for sharing your truly inspiring story. I particularly love the line:
"Look for your life, not in others, but in yourself. When you truly change a better class of people want to surround themselves with you. It's the law of attraction. Water seeks its own level."
And thank you for these words of encouragement as I enter week 3 of a six month (at minimum) NC not just with my PoA but also with anyone who could potentially become a PoA. I am SO ready to get out of this suspiciously too-warm Kiddy Pool and participate in the Adult Swim. Every day that I focus on myself, my goals, my dreams and my recovery, is a victory. I have to remember that in my weak moments. This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Thanks again!
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foolmetwice
Full Member
"A star danced, and under that was I born." Shakespeare
Posts: 196
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Post by foolmetwice on Jan 20, 2012 10:54:23 GMT -8
LJ, It's so good to read a post from you because you have been such an inspiration to me since I came here last May. Today is my 8th month working on recovery from love addiction. I am not dating yet nor am I trying to attract anyone. I''m learning to like myself and be myself and keep boundaries. Already, I feel like a totally different woman and could never go back to trying to change someone. Now it's so obvious how sick that is, yet I know how I got sick and can now heal my inner child and move on.
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Post by Loving My Life on Jan 20, 2012 10:55:40 GMT -8
LJ, yes yes yes recovery has it benefits, and now that iam focusing to re-build my self-esteem back up, it is only going to get better, nothing will hold me back, i will never settle again just to have security, i will live my own life, own my terms, and in the future in my own place. Im such a creative, fun loving, risk taker....i know i can do this. My life is just beginning again at 51. And iam doing it for me. Thanks LJ and congrats on your anniversary. Your such a inspiration to me.
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Post by LovelyJune on Jan 20, 2012 11:26:29 GMT -8
You all so so positive! How wonderful. And look, it's not about not being weak. It's not about being strong all the time. It's about holding on to the belief that you are worth far more than sstuffs, even when you're down.
So many people send me emails and say, "I can't always be 'that' strong." But I'm telling you that's not where your success lies. You will have strong moments and weak. WHat it IS about is being determined to never go back. It's about making personal values more important than any 'ol relationship. It's about choices. We can all multi task. We can cry AND breath at the same time! Hah And we can be weak AND still stick to our values. When we do that, we eventually become stronger.
I have a cold today and the Advil must be turning me into a Motivational Speaker! hah.
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Post by Herenow on Jan 20, 2012 12:40:02 GMT -8
LJ
thanks for such positive post! You have been an inspiration to me all along and it is about being strong. the thing that gets me is that the longer I am in NC/recovery the easier my life gets EVERYWHERE! the stronger I get with EVERYONE.
6 months NC and moving forward. I am not dating, right now too busy enjoying my own world.
I guess I never knew how insidious the addiction was, it effected all the parts of my life!
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Post by leadbelly on Jan 20, 2012 13:58:13 GMT -8
Holy-dump-him Lovely June!!!! You just saved me $180.00 seeing a therapist....your post alone is excellent excellent seratonin changin' words. Thank you so much....you can really really tell how much you have healed and how powerful your words come across.
Because of you I am now devising a plan which I will post.
I am not a throw-away person. I am just somebody who has mistaken my own selfworth and have allowed myself to be embarrassingly used.
Carolyn.....Look at you! a young child at 51 - just ready to go out into the world :-) and seeing the world for the first time through clear self-loving eyes.
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foolmetwice
Full Member
"A star danced, and under that was I born." Shakespeare
Posts: 196
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Post by foolmetwice on Jan 20, 2012 14:06:15 GMT -8
LJ I hope you will start posting every morning again soon! Your feedback is good stuff. Thanx, Fm2
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Post by ramaplame on Jan 20, 2012 17:12:19 GMT -8
Congrats, LJ! You are so inspiring!!!!
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Post by bklynrn on Jan 20, 2012 18:56:45 GMT -8
Awesome, LJ...Your self care, self respect and knowing you deserved more has wonderful benefits. Congratulations to you and thank you for sharing.  |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Jan 21, 2012 5:58:26 GMT -8
Thanks and ditto, except not the 3 year relationship! But ditto everything else you said. And happy anniversary! May your wisdom and experience reverberate out into the world four more thousand's-fold.
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Post by happyberry on Jan 21, 2012 20:41:43 GMT -8
congrats to you! You are a strong and wonderful example of the power of recovery. And you nailed the whole point here: "what makes me deeply happy is that I know I will be OK, no matter what happens. How so? Because it's not about the man or the relationship. It never was. It's about my own personal strength. And it's about yours too! Read more: laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=talk&action=display&thread=11630#ixzz1k9uqwAhg?THAT'S IT FOLKS! that's the whole point of this! |
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